- Gender and Relationships
Relationship Break Ups I Never Saw It Coming
Please Read Warning Before Reading Article
WARNING If you just broke up, on your pity pot, and think the entire world should feel sorry for you PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS ARTICLE This is a cut to the chase, get on with it, no beating around the bush, whatever you want to call it article. Its not about how to win them back, etc. It is just to have you maybe examine some facts and either move on, or make up. That's it.
Didn't Quite Turn Out Like You Expected
Didn't See It Coming, Really?
First let me start off by saying I am not a "therapist", counselor, or anything related to relationships, shoot I'm not even in one, expect for a few good friends. You'll probably understand why shortly. But what I do know is this; that after 50 yrs of listening to he/she did this, why does this always happen, yada, yada, (I still love you guys) it always comes down to the same thing. "I don't understand what happened", or "I never saw it coming". Really? I beg to differ with you because, (well keep going you made it this far)
Reality Check #1 I Don't Understand What Happened
Yes you do, you just don't want to look at it right now because that would mean facing the fact that you probably did see it coming and just sat back and watched. You may have even did the infamous talk about "What's going on with us".and left it at that. Either not knowing what to do or really just not willing to put forth the effort to fix it.
OK, just got off the phone with a friend of mine, (male just so you guys don't think it's all about the women) and he is devastated because he and his significant other of 7 years just broke up. And it's always I can't believe she just left, or I did eveything for her. Oh believe me this one was a real shocker, it's only the 3rd or 4th time they've split up in the last few years. Wow, who would've seen this one coming?
Why is it that it never starts out with, "You remember last week when we talked and I thought it was pretty much over", or "Remember that big fight we had last month, she started moving out again, and I called her every name in the book." Why? Because we don't want to focus on all the negative right now were heartbroken, devastated, and life is not going to be the same. You know what your right it's not going to be the same, it might actually get a little better if you let it.
Reality Check #2 Can We Still Make It Work?
Does this mean you shouldn't try to save the relationship? NO, but what it does mean is, ARE YOU WILLING TO MAKE THE CHANGES TO DO THAT? Whether it was his/her doing, or yours, or anybodys, who cares, the fact remains that going back into a relationship the same way you came out will probably lead right back to where you are now.
Then of course, I love this one. There is always the stipulation get back together contract. Well, ok if you don't do this, and don't act like that, and make sure you never do that again, and absolutely do away with that annoying habit you have, we might just have a chance. Wow, HELLO, bells and whistles, warning Will Robinson, (hope your old enough to remember that) Seriously, why not just go totally change your personality, morals, and everything else and then see if it works. MOVE ON
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Whether its punishing our children, yelling at our significant other, work, trying to fix something, etc, etc. So stop torturing yourself and either move on, or do what is necessary to fix it.
#3 We Usually Get Out What We Went In With
Most of the time we get out of a relationship, what we went into it with. Then somehow we expect it to be different when it becomes a "relationship". You know you've done it. It's the oh that'll change once we've been together awhile A few weeks ago another friend of mine broke up with this guy because he drank too much. When she told me I very rigorously replied, "Are you flipping kidding me, HELLO, he drank MORE when you guys were just going out. What did you think was going to happen?" If you have realized by now I would never make it as a shrink or counselor, your paying attention.
#4 Finally, The Reasons' To Stay Together
And last but not least the reasons people think they should stay together that continue to astonish me are; 1) we need to stay together for the kids, 2), who will cook and clean, or 3), I don't want to start over with someone new, I've got to much time into this one. WOW!
First off, if you think that for one millisecond that while your arguing in the other room that your children are not in their bedrooms praying you'll split up so it will stop, you are sadly mistaken. If it continues after the break up don't think they won't use that to their advantage now and resent you for it later in life. (Sorry son) As far as 2 is concerned if you don't know how to cook and clean for yourself by now, there is no time like the present to learn, and more important what kind of example are you setting for your kids, (if you have them). And of course 3, which has always made sense to me If I've been miserable for this long, I might as well stick with it. Can you say wake up call, (Ding, Ding).
Now remember there are always the times when it hasn't gone to far. Just please make sure before you start to try again your willling to go the distance
But remember, relationships are work, plain and simple. They are about respect, like making the phone call when you're going to be late, and caring/loving someone enough that you do what they want to do, and forget about the movie you wanted to see, or the game you were going to. So often we take people for granted, or expect things that really shouldn't be expected at all, and most of all we forget to say, "Thanks for just being you".
Good luck in whatever you decide and I hope the choices you make, (remember takes two) are ones that will give you and your family a lifetime of cherished memories to come.
Ahhh that was so sweet. Hey I had to be nice somewhere (kidding)