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Controlling partners! Need change, relationship skills for good marriage.

Updated on April 19, 2013
Married couple
Married couple | Source

Why married partners need to control each other?

After marriage, many newly married couples are suddenly puzzled by their own behavior or their partner's change. They catch themselves or sometimes their partner, trying to tell what they should do and what they should not. Some of them find themselves in prison of their own creation. They agreed for the marriage and now they feel locked up. As one of my female friend once told me, that after marriage, she feels as if she is in golden cage. After marriage, she got money, status, foreign trips but no freedom. She feels suffocated inside her own home but finds it hard to tell her husband. What causes us to control each other after marriage?

Here, are some reasons why marriage might make you a control freak:

1. When partners marry, they tend to think that they are now combined together to make one unit. Some couples overdo it and think that the other person has no self identity of his or her own. This false belief gives us the tendency to control other person according to what we think is right. However, no two human beings can make exactly same decisions all the time. This tends to create conflict where the dominant one tries to control the other partner. The weaker partner might keep quiet and obey for some time but internally the love is gone. On the other hand, if both partners tend to hold equal status, they might have arguments and conflicts.

2. Sometimes, the reason of controlling could be entirely different. One partner feels that he or she has made lot of sacrifices for the family and now has lot of expectations from the other. These expectations often become subtle controls ranging from small to big issues of life. If the expectations are not met, the partner tend to feel that he or she is not being fairly treated. These subtle controls also leads to loss of love. It might cause arguments and small fights too.

After understanding the causes of controlling in marriage, here are some simple solutions on how to avoid it:

1. Remember, that marriage is a bond between two human beings who still maintain their own identities. Marriage partners need to work in co-operation as team members. They need to give each other freedom to express their views and do what each of them want to do. When they give freedom, they get freedom. Give them space to let them follow their passions. When we are happy, enjoy our lives and hobbies, we become a happy giver too.

2. When we think that we are sacrificing for the family or partner, we need to remember we are choosing it ourselves. We are taking this decision as we think it is good for us in the long run. We need to take personal responsibility for all the choices that we make in our lives. When partners don't expect anything from each other, it is extremely good for both partners and their relationship. Both of them can live and breathe freely in the relationship. The marriage will start feeling light and easy when we change our thinking and expectations.

These are simple strategies and tips to make your marriage more enjoyable and without control!



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