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Relationships & Marriage – Commitment Has Nothing to do With Unconditional Love
Recently someone told us that he wants to marry and grow old with his girlfriend. But to his disappointment, she told him that true love is unconditional, without expectations, and that he should be happy just to be with her without any promises. He said that he thinks she really doesn't love him because she won't enter a legal, committed, monogamous relationship.
He wants a "permanent" commitment, and his girlfriend wants no conditions and expectations.
True, unconditional love includes no expectations. No expectations of your mate to be who you want them to be. No expectations of the relationship lasting "forever." No expectations of ownership. No expectations if you two grow apart. No expectations if one of you loses interest in sex.
We agree with his girlfriend. Unconditional love, which is the highest form of love, involves loving someone as they are and wanting nothing in return for that love. Not money. Not exclusivity. Not a contract. Nothing. If he were fully without demands and expectations and approached his girlfriend in this way, he would want what's best for her, not just what he desires.
Granted, we need to look at this from his perspective too. What is he afraid of if he doesn't have a permanent commitment from his girlfriend? Is he concerned about losing her, maybe about being alone? Is he worried about finances or perhaps about who will care for him in old age?
He needs to realize that he'll be okay if the relationship doesn't last forever and that the only true, lasting love is self love.
Copyright © Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo