Romance: Pandora's Box?
For the Ladies
Do you remember laying next to that boy at 15? Touching his foot, giving simple yet EXTREMELY not obvious hints! Oh ladies, you have made a couple boys in your day miss big moments, and on the other hand helped them define the way they perceive life and passion and yes--romance too! From what I've noticed through all my experiences and conversations is that there is two fundamental changes why romance stops sparking from 15 years old to 28 years old: Change number one is obvious-- we're 28, life just tends to shove it's way in! And sadly, change number 2 is even more obvious...we just flat out forget how to enjoy things the way we did when we were 15. At least now after my rant about how to fail at romance, I can possibly help out with romance-- because passion, creativity, and remembering to be 15 years old are my strong suits! I'm going to do this really easy list format and invite all responses, this way everything talked about here can get solved--and hopefully through conversation I learn something alongside my readers:
For the guys:
-Compliments are HUGE! Don't non-stop all day give her compliments, but when you go out with her--tell her she's beautiful. When you see her naked after a long period of no sex, give her a once over and stop at her eyes and tell her she is gorgeous!
-Girls, ladies, and women will all tell you they hate surprises. They're lying, they hate the fact that you are dumb enough to say I'm going to surprise you...JUST SURPRISE THEM!
-When you're laying on the couch with her, sometimes they just want to lay-- so instead of groping and forcing her into that "routine" mindset, try showing some self-control and waiting for her to make that move, give her the decision to slide her foot up your calf to your upper thigh-- then you can start rubbing her back and progress slowly, explore her body, kiss her passionately and for crying out loud make her feel like she's 15 again and getting her body touched for the first time all over again.
-Guys-- seriously drop the pride, you're probably one of the guys that has no clue what you're doing in any of these departments because you think you know everything-- COMMUNICATE! Talk to her and listen to where you are lacking-- stop getting all prideful when your girl tells you something we all don't want to hear, but we NEED to hear it!
For the Ladies:
-Actions speak louder than words. Remember this because no matter how busy you think you are or how tired you are-- every single one of you know how easy men are! Surprise us at work with lunch (takeout- preferably good Thai food). Be the first to make the move once in awhile, we like to feel attractive too, especially by you!
-Men are hardwired to gawk at a body that is just unreal! So, gawk with him, because if he's one of the good ones-- your body is out of this universe to him! Jealousy is cute, fighting about jealousy is childish (that statement actually goes both ways, heats not all on you ladies).
-Never never never never never never fake it-- you're creating a problem for yourself with the guys who can tell and who can't tell. The guy who can't tell thinks he's amazing and now you're stuck with that...and the guy who can tell is going to confront you about it!
-Cook something amazing (personal preference hah), random spontaneous sex (or oral), keep his needs in mind, so he keeps yours in mind!
-Play a video game with him and actually enjoy it, I don't know what it is about a girl who can game, but it lightens any mood and just turns me the hell on!
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Comments
AUTHORWell put, and we do deal with a lot as we grow older. But, putting up walls and deal breakers just lets us become immune to trust and happiness and allows us to make excuses to run before struggling to keep things together. Some things are worth fighting for, it's our intelligence we need to decide what's worth it. And letting life cut you down (boss, bills, etc..) That only hinders you from truly knowing love, when you replace love for practicalities and you choose laziness from life over romance and spark and nurturing those ideologies-- what's it all for then? You can feel 15 and have all those sensations along with knowledge can you not? We have learned, but why become battle hardened?
At 15 we had no responsibilities!
Our parents provided us with food, shelter, and clothing. Our hormones were ranging, and we had plenty of time to fantasize and romanticize those whom we found attractive.
We'd never had our hearts broken, been cheated on, or lied to by the object of our affection. We were also naïve enough to believe at 15 we had found our "soul-mate" even though we had not figured who (we) are let alone what we want and need in a mate for life!
Every experience was a "new experience".
By the time most people reach 28 they have had heartache and disappointments in relationships. Their time is divided between working for a demanding boss, paying bills, family, friends, and dating.
We've learned the hard way to allow people to (earn our trust) instead of automatically assuming everyone is telling us the truth.
We've established what our boundaries and "deal breakers" are.
It takes more courage to fall "in love" a second, third, or fourth time than it did to fall "in love" the first time.
By the time we reach 28 we're able to concede how unrealistic we were at 15. Our parents were right. We didn't know what "real love" was. We had no idea that our so called ideal mate at age 15 would not have the traits we'd want in a mate at age 25, 30, or 35. We would "evolve" over time but back then we thought we'd always be the same and want the same.
Being romantic is a choice. One has to make it a "priority".
The beginning of every new relationship has an "infatuation phase" where both people bend over backwards to please and impress one another. However it's not until after you have your first real disagreement or fight that you see your differences. That's when people reveal their "authentic selves". Some also believe it's to be expected to become less romantic the longer a relationship lasts. They'll accuse the "romantic" of being unrealistic!
The goal is to find someone who already (is) what you want.
Generally speaking people only change when (they) are unhappy!
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them as (is) or move on. The choice is up to us!
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde
