- Gender and Relationships
SHUT YOUR MOUTH, NOW!
When NOT to speak
Men and women (or men and men and women and women in homosexual relationships) are bound to fight and argue sooner or later. Oftentimes, things are said that one or both later regret. There's no better example of this than a break up. Break ups, even amicable break ups hurt. When the break up is initiated by one party, that hurts even more.
If it hurts, then you care (present tense, not past) about this person. Many people act out of anger simply as a defense. They may say things, call names, bring up hurtful things that were told in confidence, or simply bad mouth the other person.
This makes no sense! You're hurt, but hurting the other party won't ever bring you pleasure, nor closure. The closure is what you need to seek! Even if a reason is given as to why the relationship's come to a close, this usually doesn't finish the job. Clearly, the most productive thing that either of you can do is come to an understanding. Do this by:
1) Telling that person what they meant to you in very clear terms. Do this without the mindset that these words can magically rekindle the romance-- especially if you'd done the right thing all along; showed that person (not just told them) how much they mean to you.
2) Sincerely wish them luck and happiness. Prove to them what they meant to you by citing things that you wish them well in. If you know what's important to someone, then this shouldn't be a problem. If you don't, that was the problem all along!
3) If friendship would prove to be to painful or too difficult because of the "type" of love you have; make a clean break. That means no more contact at all. Prolonging the discomfort and not respecting the other's wishes for separation only shows selfishness. And selfishness, cruelty, slander of any other malice is unwarranted, even if it's in return for the same.
Not adhering to basic guidelines such as these will set you up for many repeat dysfunctional relationships. Care as much for them now, as you did when everything was at it's pinnacle- nothing less should be acceptable.
Next time you go to speak out of anger t'ward a loved one, remember these words:
SHUT THE HELL UP!