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"Sabotage - Our Personal Relationship Demolition Team" - Life Lessons from a 20 Something

Updated on July 4, 2011

Sabotage, an easy concept to understand. Simply put sabotage means to demolish on purpose. Now the reasons and motivations behind it, they are complex. It's an easy way out, like swinging at a bad pitch at the end of the game to take the pressure off of you when there is a lot on the line. People Sabotage many things in their lives, relationships, friendships, careers. You can justify the latter - "I wasn't ready for that promotion and all that added responsibility", "I really wasn't qualified to do that job anyway, "In all honesty that position didn't offer what I was looking for". The list here is endless.

For the most part these are all conscious decisions. We think up these things before anything happens, good or bad. Now with relationships, they have the ability to be sabotaged subconsciously. This is an after thought situation. Looking back on a mate you can understand why things didn't jive, but only after reflection of what was happening when it was happening. 

She or he reminded you of someone you once dated, they wear the same scent, have similar mannerisms, they remind you of a family member, or a  previous bad experience. But sometimes, in looking back on a time in your life, you realize "I'm scared that I won't live up to their expectations", "I'm not worth the risk". These motives/reasons are harder to realize. They come to the surface after time, and after change. We aren't the people we were when we started a relationship. No matter how it all ended... you changed in that process.

The funny thing about it all is that if given the chance to become reflective and self explore, what's the goal? Who is looking for the answer? Would anyone want to know that they are the cause of their own demise in the relationship?? Its much easier to forget it and tuck it away.

Then I guess we hav no one to blame for continuous failed relationships.... if we took the time to check ourselves before and after every relationship.... we'd have a clearer picture of what we bring and take from a relationship and then correct/ameliorate these things. And then not have a failed relationship. That brings about other topics. I digress... :)


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    • Jodi Hoeksel profile image

      Jodi Hoeksel 8 years ago

      Nicely written and very true. We can miss out on beautiful opportunities by sabotaging them.