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When to say Goodbye to a Toxic Friend

Updated on October 26, 2016
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We all have those people in our life that we feel just weigh us down until we are crawling on our hands and knees. Those people that dig claws into our back so we cannot escape their grasp all because their familiarity is too strong. Maybe I am just a grudge holder, but I think it is extremely important to acknowledge toxic people and know when, and how, to escape before the Final Friend Shit Show has its grand finale.

I am sure we have all had a friend or a couple that we have known since diapers or finger painting. Someone that you have spent 15+ years with. From your barbies, to your first kiss, first breakup, first basically everything you have spent with this person or people. A friend that you have been through thick and thin with and just know that you will be close forever, no matter the distance.

Well let me be the one to be blunt when I say: YOU ARE WRONG.

I know it can be extremely difficult when it is someone you have spent years knowing because they are familiar. However, although it will be hard, there comes a time for you to really think if that person is worth your friendship. Let me be your tour guide through the world of bff’s and show you how to tell when it is time to break up with your best friend.

1. Body Shaming

We have all been through those awkward pre-teen and teen years when your body is starting to change and your womanly parts begin to fill out in ways you never thought could happen. My pre-teen years consisted of my breasts being in a half flat-half filling out stage which left them looking awkward and pointy. This look left my bestest of friends shaming me and making fun of my “pointy boobs.” The shaming ultimately caused me to hate my breasts for many years and I was never comfortable with them. Well I can safely say, now that I am 20, my breasts are no longer pointy (Thank God). However, I am sure I am not the only teenager who had awkward breasts when going through Puberty. Puberty is already a crappy time for kids, don’t let your “friends” make it harder for you to adjust. This should not even be about just body shaming because some friends will tell you they don’t like your style, your clothes, or anything else about you that hurts your feelings and they will not care. This is lesson number one. If your “BFF” causes you to hate yourself, then you should be revaluating your best friend decision.

2. Gossiping, Untruthfulness, and Unfaithfulness

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What is the number one thing a best friend is supposed to do? Be true to you and back you up. That means to not take private information that you have shared and going and telling other random people. If your “BFF” is taking things you have told her, such as a crush, or your deepest and darkest secret, and telling other people that have no right in your personal life then it is time to break up with them. It takes a lot to share something personal with someone, no matter how close they are. Although you have told your best friend, it does not give them the right to take that information and extend its listeners to the rest of society. Your personal life is yours. If you cannot trust your BFF, then say goodbye. Gossiping, untruthfulness, and unfaithfulness = TOXIC. Remember that.

3. The "Always Your Fault"

Perhaps when you feel like you have an issue with your friend you pushed yourself to finally open up and just talk about what it is that has bothered you. Maybe you want to call them out on telling a secret to an enemy because they probably have done it before. But, somehow the problem gets turned onto you. Somehow you are being told that you just have not been a good friend and blah blah. Whether you have been a good friend or not, whatever your BFF did was still wrong. Do not let them turn the situation onto your hands. Nothing is your fault. If your best friend pulled something against you, it’s on them and it is time for them to own up to their mistakes. Just remember, it’s not your fault that your “BFF” sucks at their job.

4. The Never Ending Thing They Do That Annoys You

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Maybe your BFF has a certain trait or characteristic to them that drives you crazy. It is not your place to tell them to change their ways, unless it is something serious and you are just trying to help them out. If your best friend has a personality trait that you literally just cannot stand then think about cutting ties. Sometimes when you have been friends with someone for a lot of years, you look past the fact that you have grown into two entirely different people that do not want to be around each other. Although you cannot stand each other, you keep holding onto a friendship just because it has been there forever. It isn’t easy, but it is time to realize that you cannot do it anymore. You are two different people and you can’t do the same activities or talk about the same things so take off the blinds and say goodbye.

5. Can't Comprehend that they are Wrong

This is a serious issue. If your BFF has done something wrong and you try to explain it to them then hopefully it goes the right way. The right way would be to acknowledge what they have done that is wrong and just apologizing. That way you both can move on and forget the whole thing. However, some BFF’s can’t accept the fact that they are not right all of the time and that they also make mistakes. We are all human people. But, if your friend will not accept it, and instead just fights back with you still trying to argue and win the argument, then say goodbye. These friends are not even worth it. If the person you trust and rely on most cannot even apologize to you for their mistakes then they are not even worth your time anymore. DUMP THEM.

6. Putting you Down to Make Themselves Feel Higher

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This is the worst trait for anyone to have. There are certain people in the world who have a tendency to be extremely jealous of other people. With that group of jealous people there is an even smaller group that will go to extremes to put you down just so they can feel better about them-pathetic-selves. If you are seriously associating with someone who shuns you, has to one-up you, has to always prove you wrong about every situation even though they are wrong, or just makes fun of you, your clothes, your relationship, etc, then please think about the type of person you are associating with. There are people in the world that will seriously do the above stated things just so that they can feel higher than you. These disgusting people use their friendships as a way to make their lives seem slightly better. If you have a BFF that does this to you, it is time to acknowledge their shallowness and move on to a new and better best friend because hey, if your “BFF” is sending you home from school crying every day, I doubt they are worth your time.

It is a Part of Growing Up

After reading my six types to avoid a toxic relationship, I hope you can realize how much more you deserve (if you are even having issues). Of course not everyone’s best friend is this way. I know some people out there have some really awesome best friends. This is for the girls who have ever felt the way that I do, that feel stuck to someone just because you have been besties for endless years. I can’t tell you it is easy, it is really hard, but I said goodbye to toxic people and feel a lot better now. I have friends now that I trust, that are there for me, and make me feel really good about myself. These are the friends that everyone deserves. Break up with your 15+ year best friend and make room in your heart for a new and improved one. It is time for you to realize that you are better than what you have been wasting your time with. Good luck.

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    • Christy Maria profile imageAUTHOR

      Christy Maria 

      3 years ago

      You are absolutely right Kit Kat. However, my article cannot simply express all that goes on with ones life and their relationships. I did not add to the article that I had apologized for my own mistakes to a member of the group and overall it was just decided that it would still not be a good idea to be friends any longer. Trust me, I know better than to dump a friendship over silly issues. However, when issues become much more than a silly "girl drama fight" then there is more to consider. People have to reflect and look back on all of their years. Sure there were great times, but as we grow older maybe there comes a time where we realize we just are not the same people and we have grown a part. There was a point where we all attempted to rekindle our issues but that was stopped really quickly when I received nasty messages from boyfriends and things written about me on social media. I came to the conclusion that these people are not the type of people I choose to associate with. I'm not telling people they have to dump their friends. All I want to express is if people ever feel the same, then perhaps they should take the time to consider if the friendship is worth it or not. People can do whatever they please, this is just my personal experience that I am simply sharing on my blog.

    • profile image

      KitKat88 

      3 years ago

      I think your point is valid that toxic people should have no place our lives. We already have to overcome many obstacles everyday, our loved ones should not be one of them.

      However, I think there is a difference between cutting ties because someone is toxic and cutting ties because one party refuses to accept their own faults.

      A friendship is made up of two people. Two people who love each other, two people who laugh together, two people who make mistakes and also two people who forgive each other. WHat i gather from this article is that the friendships you are talking about were extremely strong, they were filled with mistakes but they were still strong. and in my own experience friendships this strong do not fall apart because of mistakes, they fall apart because of bitterness.

      While your friends in this situation have made mistakes I think you have to relfect on your own actions in this friendship. These friends do not sound malicious, it sounds like typical girl-drama that got out of hand. So before you instruct other people to destroy their own relationships with their best friends maybe it would be better to consider that no one is completely at fault or completely innocent. Consider how you may have hurt the same people you are talking about. I know that I have hurt my friends before and although it is hard, sometimes we have to apologize and forgive each other. Friends are too important to give up over stupid things, and it sounds like these friends were pretty important.

    • Christy Maria profile imageAUTHOR

      Christy Maria 

      3 years ago

      I understand what you are saying Marvin. I also gotten over the issues. The point of this post is not for some careless revenge, it is to help people understand that some people are toxic so it is best to say goodbye rather than drag them around so they can bring you down for many more years.

    • profile image

      Marvin 

      3 years ago

      I feel like this post might be a tad bit biased as not all stories seem to be as bad as they appear. I'm sure you had your fair share of awkward and not so nice moments with these friends as well where you like them body shamed, made fun of and put down them. Perhaps work on getting over what has happened and maybe you could befriend them again?

    • Christy Maria profile imageAUTHOR

      Christy Maria 

      3 years ago

      I know exactly how you feel FloryPaula. It really is not easy to say goodbye to those friends you are so familiar with. Even if they tend to be toxic and hurtful most of the time it is never easy to decide you want to cut them out of your life. What you did is a lot more than many can do. Some people never leave and are stuck with those types of people for a long time. I held on for fifteen years because I could not accept the fact that the friendship was no longer good for me and I ended up getting hurt more than ever. It is good that you realized it and moved on, which is more than what many can do. Although it isn't easy at all, you did it.

    • florypaula profile image

      Paula 

      3 years ago

      I had my share of toxic friends and even if they keep hurting me over and over again I had difficulties giving them up, maybe due to that familiarity thing you were talking about. At some point I had so many problems in my personal life, so many things I wasn't happy or content with, that listening to them putting me down wasn't something I could still do. So I finally cut them out, and I felt guilty and had remorse, and in the end I finally realized this was the best decision ever and my life was better without them in it.

    • Christy Maria profile imageAUTHOR

      Christy Maria 

      3 years ago

      You are absolutely right. I have had my "best friends" write rude things about me on their social media. I also had a best friend convince another best friend to hate me too and they ganged up on me together. It comes a point in time where those you have been close with for 15 years grow a part. We go off to school and become different people. It is just a part of growing up. What takes courage is to realize the issue and remove yourself from your friend circle when you know it has become toxic to your happiness. Although it hurts to say goodbye, you are right when you say it is less painful to do so than to keep them around.

    • realtalk247 profile image

      realtalk247 

      3 years ago

      Good article.

      Sometimes people grow in different directions. It is painful but in the end sometimes we have to realize that the person you once loved and cared for as a brother/sister, no longer exists. It is better to realize this and pull yourself away from a toxic friend. There is no need to continue to allow yourself to be the recipient of passive aggressive behavior.

      One more thing - Toxic "friends" seem to form divisions when it comes to women. Women start gossiping and discussing a woman, behind her back, attempting to convince other people not to like you. Now if your close friend listens to this and forms sides against you-you realize in some way shape or form your friend has issues with you that you didn't acknowledge.

      People come and go out of your life. Your job is to make sure this was due to no fault of your own and let people go who aren't supportive of you. It's less painful to do so rather than keeping people around you who don't love you.

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