Book Review: There Is No Prince, And Other Truths Your Mother Never Told You.
There is No Prince and other truths your mother never told you: A guide to having the relationship you want.
Is there a real guide to a successful relationship?
One day a coworker of mine came into the work place and plopped a book in front of me. She had been dating the love of her life for awhile and she was anxious to be married. After purchasing and reading the book herself, she shared it with me because she knew:
- I am an avid reader
- If I can learn something from it, it's a plus in my book.
The book was very interesting and touched on many of the expectations that were passed down from generation to generation. You know what I mean, the romance of a perfect love that drives the sales behind good books and good movies.
When I was a child I had blissful dreams of my Prince charming riding in on a white horse, or, driving in a beautiful black Bentley to sweep me off my feet and make all my dreams come true.
What happened you're asking yourself, well, let's just say I'm still waiting- just kidding! I am dating a wonderful guy and we are a flawed couple who are perfect for each other in our imperfections. Now, does this mean I lowered my standards? Certainly not- I just realized if Prince Charming did find me he probably wouldn't want me because I would be too "imperfect" for him.
Have you ever read the book: There is no Prince and other truths your mother never told you?
My review on: There is no Prince and other truths your mother never told you.
I enjoyed the book: ”There is no Prince and other truths your mother never told you" written by psychotherapist Marilyn Graman and Maureen Walsh. The book is not preachy, or bashing, or blaming, but honest and direct in giving women insight to their own power and self worth. Also, the book breaks down the old myths and traditions that couples place on each other in a changing society.
Whether a woman is trying to find her soul mate, wondering why she picks the same guys over and over. Or, trying to bring life back into a relationship that has gone stale. There is no Prince, is an enjoyable read for women who are seeking answers.
A four letter word with a whole lot of meaning. The book intrigued me so much I went on my own review asking married and single couples if they felt the "fairy tales" in which movies and books are made of has defined our views of a perfect mate.
Should we keep chasing perfection, or learn to perfect what we have.
My views of- what a perfect relationship should be- was not something that I developed on my own, but was shaped and molded by books, movies and a bunch of women waiting on their Boaz.
Now for those who maybe unfamiliar, Boaz, is a biblical figure. His heroic actions, and exemplary character is what most Christian women have put on their "must have" list for their future husbands.
But are the unrealistic expectations hindering good people from finding love? Well let's see what the statistics have to say about it:
I asked 100 people fifty men and fifty women this question: "Do you feel the fairy tale of what a relationship should look like has ruined the chance of a happily ever after?"
98% said yes
2% said No
As you can see there are a large number who believe not only their own, but also other's, expectations, of what a perfect relationship should look like has made it hard to find lasting love.
The three most important ingredients to a successful relationship.
I asked married couples, who have been married ten years or more , in their opinion, what were the ingredients of a successful marriage. Almost all said respect and compromise. Also, keeping other's out of their relationship; you know the well-meaning friends, and family members whose shoulder's we cry on when we are having problems. Sometimes we need another's perspective. However, and please, if you take no other advice take this one:
- Be careful in pointing out your partners flaws to others. If you get back together, and most do, don't expect your family and friends to be as forgiving as you. If they continue to bash your partner, or you for staying, remember you provided the platform in order for them to do so.
I had dated this one guy for a long time and one day we had a huge argument. So I called my relative and cried on her shoulder. As in most cases my partner and I mended our relationship. Even though I forgave him my relative did not. I truly regretted the eyes in which I gave her to judge him with. He was not a bad guy and it took two fools to argue. It was a lesson learned, unless it’s something serious, I keep my problems between me, my partner, and God.
So, what are the top three ingredients to a successful relationship according to married people?
- keeping others out of the relationship. Including bashing or, demeaning your partner in the eyes of others.
With so many self-help books out there, why are so many people getting divorced?
Self-help books are lining the shelves by author's trying to teach couples how to make their relationship last, or, find love. Most of the information is very informative but even with all the information out there couples are still divorcing or breaking up at an alarming rate.
It's like a book on child-rearing the information is very good, however, there is no concrete formula when you're dealing with human beings- with different personalities, and different ways of thinking.
Making others our confidantes in relationships.
You can't trust all advice when it comes to relationships. Some advice is given based on someone else's unresolved issues. Do you agree?
Be careful what you ask for you may get more than what you bargain for.
Have you ever asked someone for relationship advice and regretted it? To be more specific, have you asked someone’s advice and their words were so harsh you felt?
Did you feel the conversation took a drastic turn and was no longer about you but unresolved issues from their own past relationships? Advice from those individuals may come off as harsh, or it may appear judgmental. Their intention is not to hurt you. They can however, be pulling from old pain and giving you advice based on it. You don't need bitterness from someone else's heart. Your partner is not John, Sally, Sarah, or Joe and if you feel someone’s advice is leaning towards what they wished they had said or, done, I encourage you to stop the conversation and seek advice elsewhere. Many people unknowingly give love a bad name. Most of us have been in relationships that have failed. But a mature individual seeks to see what role they played in the demise of that relationship-if any, learn from it, heal from it and move on.
Trust issues in a relationship.
As I spoke with single, and never been married couples. I was surprised how truthful people were with me, I felt as if they couldn't wait to unburden their true feelings.
Many good men and women have been tainted by seeing- wrong love. In my research I heard many stories from men who didn't have good relationships with their mothers; and, women who didn't have good relationships with their fathers so their whole perspective on what characteristics to look for in a mate has been shaken.
In a healthy relationship, mothers and fathers are their children's first love. If there is brokenness in that area a person may need to heal from those issues before finding a true soul mate. I heard from many good men and women who said they felt they had to constantly prove themselves "worthy" based on their partner's trust issues.
Trust is a big part of a relationship; however, an innocent party should not be taken through a series of "trust-tests" based on someone else's failure. Love is about trusting and there are no guarantees.
Do you feel the "fairy tale" image of how relationships should be has ruined the chances of finding real love?
My rib- a poem.
Has anyone seen my rib?
Does anyone, have any idea where she is?
I’ve searched high and low but where my rib is no one knows
I’ve climbed the highest mountains
Swim through the deepest seas
I've traveled all over the world, for the rib created for me
In my life I’ve met many ribs- indeed I had my pick
And though some were able to stick, none were a perfect fit.
So I continue to search for my rib through every woman I meet
For I know without my other half, I shall never feel complete