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Scared to Death: How to tell him you love him

Updated on April 10, 2013

He loves me... he loves me not...

More often than not, what's holding you back is a fear of rejection. It's really common and nothing to be ashamed of, and actually it's the most common reason why men and women alike, have trouble saying those three little words.

We find ourselves tongue-tied when the feelings well up in us because our id starts to throw out thoughts that you just don't need to think at that time. Questions like:

  • What if he doesn't love me too?
  • What if I scare him away by saying it too soon?
  • What if he doesn't say it back? Should I expect him to say it back the first time?

These answers to these questions can never be known until you tell him you love him. In fact, that's a large part of why we have this little "I love you ritual" in our society. Saying those three words is a sign of commitment and deep emotional bonding for women and often for men as well. Though it's also a test, something that no one can deny.

This means that it's just as chaotic for answerer as it is for the questioner. In that instant, several things can happen. If he's been happy but honestly hasn't thought about making a greater commitment, he'll instantly need to think about it and decide on his position. Should I say it back? What does it mean if he says it back? What will she think if I'm not ready to say it back but I still really care about her?

What this means is that one of the best ways to get over your fear and go for the gold is to remember that you'll never know until you tell him you love him. At best, he'll say it back and be completely sincere, at worst he'll tell you he's not looking for that kind of relationship. There are all sorts of things that can happen in the middle but the truth is that it's better to know sooner rather than later.

Let me count the ways...

One of the questions that can help a gal get her head on straight before telling a man she loves him, is "why do I love him?"

Sure, it seems like there are thousands of reasons when they are free-floating in your head, but putting them down on paper is a lot more challenging and that's exactly what I want you to do right now. By doing such a simple thing, you'll not only be more confident about telling him how you really feel, but you'll have even more concrete reasons to appreciate him in every way.

Nothing like a love letter...

You cannot get much more romantic than a true love letter. And even if he never opens up and gushes about it, your man definitely loves it when you woo him as much as he woos you. Not to mention, writing out your feelings in a love letter will avoid any awkward moments or brief hesitations. You're man will appreciate it to, especially if he wasn't prepared for those words to come out at this point in your relationship.

If he isn't ready to say I love you too, or if he likes to have a moment to think about things before responding, you'll be giving him plenty of time to think and decide how he wants to respond. If he comes home, grabs you with passion and says, "you know I love you too!", than you got your answer. Likewise, if he comes home silent and maybe even a bit moody, you may be looking at a man with commitment issues, something you'll be glad to know about ahead of time.

Feel the fear and do it anyways.

Whether you tell him under the moon while eating a candle light dinner, or you whisper it in his ears at night when he's sleeping (to try it out at first), the point is that you just need to do it and get it over with. If you wait, that womenly side of you is going to eat a whole through your panties and make you feel like you're sitting on an ant hill. That will end up causing undue stress in your mind and body, which your man will notice. That means he'll either start asking what's wrong, expecting an honest answer or he'll avoid you because he can't figure out what he might have done wrong. Neither option will help you in your current predicament.

Instead, take a deep breath, go up to him, kiss him deeply and say "Honey, I love you."


Submit a Comment
  • MsDora profile image

    Dora Weithers 

    6 years ago from The Caribbean

    Never underestimate the power of the letter. It can do so much to influence the reader your way.

  • DexisView profile image


    6 years ago from New England

    If you love someone...tell them or the moment will pass. Never hold back those 3 words when you feel it. I love the idea of letter writing; such a lost art. Very romantic to get a handwritten I Love You....not an email or text.


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