- Gender and Relationships»
- Romantic Intimacy
Searching for a True Connection: Finding a Partner that Brings Out the Best in You
What is love? Okay, before you roll your eyes at the idea of defining such a complexly cliche subject that turns the most rational person into a completely illogical emotional wreck. Let's boil down the word into a complex emotion that can lead to good and bad tidings depending on the relationship. Many people have some misguided notions of love always being some magical thing that can change a person's life. That's not always the case with mixing love and reality because romance doesn't always contain a soundtrack or even the right lighting. It requires hard work that many men and women aren't willing to commit to just yet.
When you're young, relationships are meant to be reckless and full of carefree moments that could lead to something more meaningful. Sadly, most people end up kissing more than their fair share of frogs before getting to their ideal match. Some have to kiss a few more before, while others are still searching for their mysterious mate. Why do some have to wait longer than others? Timing? Impulsive moment? A drunken night? It's hard to say why some fail to find someone meaningful. Ideally, the ultimate cure to the romantic doldrums would be to searching for substance rather than the usual eye candy that only lasted until the sugar rush wore off. The only memory of those relationships are the inevitable crash and the need for something even sweeter than the last one. Once you get tired of the failed flings and blind dates that go nowhere, it's time to decide what you really want in a partner.
Here are five tips that you should follow to find someone who you could find a connection with. Some of the tips might not be what you would expect, but they are mostly based on logic that people should follow instead of society's standards. Some of the tips can be used to start relationships and maintain existing ones as well. Read on to see if you could use any of the tips to apply to your active dating life, or in an effort to revive a dormant one.
Start somewhere realistic before drawing up wedding invitations just yet. Don't assume that the relationship could turn into a romance. Strike up a friendship with a fellow co-worker or bond with the upstairs neighbor over your shared interest in action adventure movies. Find common ground and get to know the person before going further. It's nice to start somewhere realistic where there are no expectations. First dates are to getting to know someone without planning the next ten years of your lives together. Look at The Hunger Games' Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) and Gale (Liam Hemsworth) who had been friends for many years before growing closer. It's hard to say if the characters will have a romantic relationship in the two follow-up films, but the characters could have the potential because they know each other so well. Katniss and Gale still accept each other no matter what happens to either of them.
Not every romance is meant to have a firework filled happy ending. Once you understand that, you are ready to date any regular working person that comes your way. There are relationships that are full of much quieter moments where a couple can just sit together and be themselves. Sure, you might veer towards a passionate bad boy in a leather jacket or someone who wears expensive designer suits. Beware of the passionate ones who flare up at a moment's notice, because trouble could be along the horizon. Not the fun kind either. Sometimes, there are diamonds in the rough who are better suited to finding true happiness with. Look at Ryan Gosling's Noah in The Notebook. On the surface, he might not be the best provider but he was the one destined to make his true love happy. Sure, every relationship has its fair share of challenges that include personality differences and even illness. Not every story is meant for a couple to ride off into the sunset together, especially when time is an enemy. Embrace every moment you have together because it could be over before you know it.
Choose someone who doesn't have too much unrealistic baggage. Sure, humans are complex individuals that are imperfect creatures from start to finish. Does your potential mate stay away from anything meaningful? Are they focused more on the physical aspects of a relationship than the personal ones? Take things slow with them without compromising your integrity. Does your potential mate allow you to be yourself or force you to hide your feelings for their own ulterior motives? In My Best Friend's Girl, Tank (Dane Cook) was a reckless bachelor who lived to make other women uncomfortable; until he found Alexis (Kate Hudson) who was willing to overlook his obvious flaws. There were times that Alexis should have ran in the opposite direction, but she stayed and ended up finding the real Tank. In reality, most complicated guys will remain complicated no matter what. That's when it's time to cut your losses and date someone willing to let you in the front door so to speak.
Find someone who allows you to be yourself. The search for Mr. or Ms. Right can led to something meaningful, but the journey will mean nothing if you always have to keep your guard up. Can you walk around the house without any make-up or wearing your least flattering work-out shorts? Would your partner still respect you in the morning? In Something Borrowed, two best friends (Ginnifer Goodwin and Kate Hudson) were both interested in the same man who somehow brought out the best in them. The circumstances of each relationship was murky, but the guy allowed both girls to be themselves even when it embarrassed them. If you can act foolish around your mate without them running, keep them before it's too late.
Allow time for fun and games to keep things interesting. Romance may be hard work, but there's also room for being carefree to not worry about any potential drama. If your partner wants to pretend he's James Bond, let him do it. If you want to be like a modern day Pussy Galore in Goldfinger, enjoy your fantasy life without forgetting that reality is just as important.
In the end, love is a splendid thing once you know how to conduct yourself and avoid falling into any dating traps. Keep a metaphorical tool kit handy to get yourself out of any jam. Be tactfully honest and never enter a relationship unless you're willing to pursue it. The Perfect Man might not be out there, but someone close to it is. You just have to be open to looking in the most unexpected places to do so.