- Gender and Relationships
Eight Secrets Of A Successful Marriage
Getting married is the easy part, staying married however isn't all that easy. People break up all the time. One sees couples going their separate ways for reasons that are frivolous most times. One of the main reasons for failed marriages is that people expect the world from their partner. They just seem to forget realism and live in a fantasy world, expecting perfection. Ideally, it helps if both the individuals concerned talk about their expectations from each other before the marriage.
It is important that your life goals match, or at least not clash. For example, you wouldn't want issues such as moving to another city become a thorny issue. It is therefore important that you talk about things like where you would like to settle down, when you would like to have kids, what faith you would want to bring up the kids in, whether you would want to homeschool your kids or not. Basically, there has to be a synchronicity among both of you. These are the most common problem issues that come up early on in people's marriages. Additionally, here are some of the things couples need to make a note of:
The first secret to a good marriage is having a healthy dose of acceptance in the relationship. Acceptance means that you understand your partner's shortcomings and not seek constantly to change them, especially if they find it difficult to change. Doing so can come across as pestering, which nobody really likes and can remind oneself of their mommies, certainly not a good thing in a marriage. Acceptance of your partner's weaknesses or shortcomings by you would definitely be appreciated by him/her. Lets face it, we all have our weaknesses and in most cases we can't do anything about them. We also don't like being reminded of them, do we?
Compromise And Forgiveness:
A good marriage is a result of lots of compromises by both the individuals concerned. Sometimes you need to learn to put your ego out of the way and make a decision for the betterment of both of you. Sometimes, you might need to ask for forgiveness, even if you think it wasn't your fault. Being obstinate and rigid certainly aren't positives for a good marriage. Accept some of the blame for a situation, even if you know you weren't to blame. I mean this for situations that are relatively frivolous and not really serious issues. Certainly, if your partner cheats on you, you can't be as forgiving or would I ask you to compromise in such a situation.
Tips For A Good And Lasting Marriage
Keep the lines of communication open at all times. Closing oneself up is never a good idea. Communication keeps things straight and transparent and doesn't allow any suspicions or doubts to creep into the relationship. It also fosters bonding over time and helps you develop trust. We often need to confide with our partners and find support in difficult situations and having the lines of communication open at all times helps in confiding easily.
Giving Each Other Space:
As much as you love your spouse, you wouldn't want him/her to be with you all the time. You need your own space as well. So give yourself the space you need at times. More importantly, if your partner is asking to be alone sometime, give him/her that space and do understand that it is an important thing to have. Do not immediately jump to conclusions about an affair or any such thing. Being in a marriage can be suffocating and it is important to feel free, and if that means giving each other some space, do so without any hesitation or fear. It will only strengthen your marriage, not weaken it.
Sustain The Lust:
Obviously as the years pass, your desire and excitement for each other is likely to diminish, rather than grow. Hence, constantly keep finding more about your partner sexually, new ways that you can pleasure him/her, new situations, new positions, constantly seek to reinvent yourself. Create surprise romantic situations, hug and kiss and flirt with each other whenever you can. Gestures like these make one know that the romance is still there in the relationship. Good sex is an essential component of a good marriage, never ignore it or take it for granted.
Tackle The Problem At The Root:
If you sense an issue, it is prudent to tackle it right away, rather than let it fester. Problems can grow over time, and before you know it, they can grow unmanageable. So if there are any misunderstandings, clear them up right now. Talk about it as soon as you can.
Know How To Handle Conflicts:
Conflicts destroy marriages. Learn how to resolve conflicts. Don't resort to slanging matches with your spouse. Learn to listen, as much as you talk. You may not agree with the other person's point of view, but learn to listen patiently. Let them vent off their steam. Calmness begets calmness. Maintain your poise and composure throughout an argument. If you feel you are going to lose your temper, take a time-out and walk off. Come back and try to put forth your point of view calmly. Arguments are never resolved by raising your voice.
Keep The Trust:
So important, yet so fragile. Don't jump to conclusions without any proof. Don't accuse based on assumptions. You may have doubts but give the other person the benefit of the doubt, unless you have hard facts. Trust is the basis and foundation of a good marriage. Know how to hold that trust.
A successful marriage materializes because of all of the above factors and more. A successful marriage just doesn't happen, you work at it all the time. It is not a miracle. It is the result of two individuals who've invested their time and soul into it through thick and thin. Work at your marriage all the time, never ever take it for granted.
© 2008 Shil1978