- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
Treatment for Depression is Much Less Trouble than you might Think!
The "Black Dog" of Depression
It's not that he could not acknowledge his "black dog" of depression. It's just that he considered it a part of his interesting personality. He had great karma they said. Married well, great kids, carved his way to a nice career, plowing up through tons of good will, carting his "black dog" with him as he went. He considered it to be a part of his bearing, his "Gravitas". It made him imposing, even though he was just a sullen, underweight, sloop-shouldered grave person.
Those friends who said he had wonderful good fortune were really silently commenting on his untreated gray ambient misery. They were really saying: "Wow, he does so well, and has so many good things happen to him, even though he's a schmuck!" People had sympathy for him. He would sit at parties staring holes into walls, and sipping on drinks, as he did his best to ignore laughter and mirth. Then after a decade or so, his wife just collapsed and declared she had had enough. He was actually surprised. But no one else was. His self sabotage had finally done him in. It was set on a clock. The clock was ticking inside his wife's noble heart and vigorously powerful demeanor. Her friends understood. They said, 'Well, I was wondering how long she could take an untreated dark specter lying next to her every night."
You might ask why people did not have more sympathy. That is an easy question. He would not address his problem, as a problem. He could not see the angel of death cast that he had to his face. It got worse and worse. "Viral programming" tends to creep and gain ground on the victim. Just like a virus, it takes up residence in the nooks and crannies of the unobserved wrinkles of the tortured soul. His real problem was his arrogance and his pride. That was so monumental that his "Achilles Heal" was his depression, but his pride put him out there on the field of battle where he should not have been. Amazingly, he let the divorce happen without making attempts at reconciliation. It was his view that his wife did not understand him. His wife silently agreed to his assessment that: "they were so different." And he was so superior, as he told himself in divorce court. His wife found out he had been unfaithful. She just shook her head and said. "Take him. Take him."
Raw Sharp Anger Right Across the Face of Her Loved Ones
Her conversation was pleasant, except when she let that anger go. She had relative charm and a kindness that was present enough for her to have friends. People thought she was bi-polar, but she did not have the self awareness to investigate that possibility. For every friend she would make, she would quietly lose one on the back side. She moved through streams of human contacts, interacting and honestly needing friends. She would suddenly jump into mini-rages and get a funny look in her eyes. She brought way too much to her conflicts. She weighed down her "boxing gloves" with a column of quarters. There were those who would take her on. And those who would make her realize that her game had a price. But, she would move on; knowing that people who took the time to let fly with some self defense, were lost to her anyway, by the rising of the next sun.
She was not a tragedy as much as an mildly infected sufferer of angst, anxiety, sarcasm and vexing silly challenges. Annoying and often vicious. And wow, was she hot! A friend joked: "She got way too much attention when she was young. Her parents loved the hell out of her and ruined her." The viral nature of her curse was that she just could not build up any good will. Her infection was like an ugly boil. An absolutely beautiful woman with a permanent blemish. Her kids, surprisingly developed sweet charm; almost as an antidote to their spasmodically cruel mother. The husband had learned long ago not to "engage her", and was not surprised when they were often not invited out as a couple. His bridge night gave him a respite and a private joy of companionship that nourished him. He consciously became a golfer. He would say: "18 holes in the open air, and I get some exercise." When she would ask him why he had taken up the sport with serious conviction.
The Jokester Is Wild
Ceaseless, annoying, joking has a way of cutting off communication and drawing attention to the Jokester. There seems to be at least one in every large department or team. You can see why they become habitually tuned to this kind of communication. Maybe an initial talent to tell jokes or be funny, unnecessarily buoys a person who may otherwise be low on confidence socially. Since it works once, he tries it several times, and then, against all evidence, he becomes emboldened to tell more and more jokes, make up his own jokes, and become "clever" when he is not really that sharp to begin with. This humor "bundling" has long term relationship-altering effects. It shuts down sincere open talk. People steer around interfacing. Becoming known for humor alone, the overall image suffers. People do not share intimate or close moments with the Jokester. This self sabotage is strange because the nature of it makes the sufferer feel comfortable and at ease. It is not like drunkenness, anger, depression or other more severe characteristics. But the sabotage still occurs, creating distance if not offense.
A friend once pulled the Jokester aside. She said, "You know things are not funny all the time. People sense that you are insincere and somewhat unaware of the real issues going on. I know you have a serious nature and are quite warm, but somehow, you don't come off that way." This individual was so pathologically in his mode, he made a joke about her comment. "You know, I feel more like I do now than I did when I came in! Haha." This person could use counseling, but will probably never seek it out. You see. In his eyes, he does not have a problem.
The Frog and The Scorpion
A tale that many have heard, probably from Sufi tradition or even older sources, is the story of the Frog and the Scorpion. The Scorpion is on the river's edge and wants to cross to the other side. The Scorpion begs the Frog for the use of his back as the Frog crosses. The Frog being obviously concerned about being fatally stung, refuses. The Scorpion uses its best persuasion: "If I stung you then I would drowned, as you died." The Frog thinks logically. "That makes sense". And so the Scorpion takes a ride on the Frog. Half way across, the Scorpion decides to sting the Frog. As the stinger sinks in to the Frog's skin. The Frog laments: "You promised you would not sting me, and now you are going to die too." The Scorpion feels the water lapping around him. "I could not resist. It is my nature." And so it is. There are many things in our personal natures that we have a hard time resisting. Even though we are hurt and damaged by our own actions. It is simply the way life often works. Self knowledge through astrology or analysis or therapy or through plain old experience can lead us to conscious avoidance of behavior that hurts our own interest. This is a deep topic because it often involves unconscious and subconscious motivations. It is not an easy topic to discuss because it saddens us. There is a helplessness here that can feel defeating. And yet the prospect of conquest should enliven us.
Stealing Away Our Brains
To reach for a state of elevation, we can conclude that certain behaviors seem to be natural, even though there is a self destructive element. Certainly greater consciousness can improve us and self destruction can be removed. Inebriation is probably the best and oldest example of self sabotage. Shakespeare had Othello say: "Oh God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains..." Self Sabotage of all types has this strange similitude. Whether alcohol is actually involved or not, there seems to be a human quality of acting as if "our brains were stolen away". The virus, that phenomenal part of nature that has no inherent life of itself, acts against us and yet it seeks to live in us to perpetuate itself. Sounds like some habits that we have. The first goal is to say: "This is a Virus. Not me!" Christofer French is the Founder of Astrologygetalong.com. Read its many articles.