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Seven Signs that you have Attained Emotional Intimacy in an Intimate Relationship!

Updated on April 3, 2016

Emotional Intimacy Deletes Personal Space!

If anyone allows you to use sharp object at a dangerous zone like this, it means TRUST prevails...!
If anyone allows you to use sharp object at a dangerous zone like this, it means TRUST prevails...!

Understanding the Concept of Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy is explained as mutual openness of feelings, thoughts, and life experiences. Withdrawal of these indicates ailing relationship where one party no longer share or trust the other party to know and have access to some or all of information which once was communicated with ease.

Types of intimacy

Most people relate intimacy to sexual relationship only whereas two people could have intellectual, experiential or emotionally intimate. This denotes that it could be ideal for two adults in a long term intimate relationship to have all four types of intimacy as follows:

  • Intellectual intimacy: Refers to close relationship with someone whom you share specialized types of information, philosophy and concepts.
  • Experiential intimacy: It is a mutual interest which enables two parties to share and enjoy activities together.
  • Emotional intimacy: Denotes deep emotional connection which two people mutually feels and freely allow in the presence of the other. It is letting down one’s guard and allowing the other person see inner world view without the fear of being judged.
  • Sexual intimacy: Is a mutual attraction of adult persons which allow them to express physical expression of love thus denoting full access to emotional, spiritual and physical self.

Why emotional intimacy is important in an intimate relationship!

Intimacy is a result of a process of knowing a person and becoming comfortable with his or her values demonstrated over a period of time. It is an evidence of mutual integrity regarding confidentiality of personal life which bridges normal personal space most people leave and regard as private. Emotional intimacy is the most important of all intimacies mentioned above because intimate people:

  1. Have fun together: Each person is unique; however intimate couple will find common ground where they will fulfill each other’s feelings thus striving for optimal life.
  2. Experience challenges together: Trust is the assurance of confidentiality of information and experiences whereupon an emotionally injured party relies on the other for unconditional support. Crying times requires solitude; however in an emotional intimacy, access to this vulnerable state is allowed for the special person who has passed all intimacy steps.
  3. Agree to disagree: This is a tough one because most of us want to give advice where it is not required and pout when it is rejected. Emotional intimacy denotes that both parties are aware that there can be no compromise on the particular matter and feel no negative energy about it.
  4. Allow full access to each other’s life: This occurs in marriage in most cases and it should be so because the couple has become one person.
  5. Support each other’s personal goals and dreams: Emotionally intimate people have no competition; they rejoice over the success of the other and continue to support further developments.
  6. Aspire to grow intellectually together: In marriage this is a huge challenge. Often a woman forgoes her intellectual growth goals because of social roles of rearing the children and maintaining the domestic needs of the family. In an ideal situation the husband would assign adequate time to share most of such roles.
  7. Tell the truth like it is: Emotionally intimate people are not afraid to confront the other party to point at a flaw in honesty and assertively. If the other party spend time sulking over such truth, the other party will develop reservations. That would be the beginning of cracks in the relationship especially if such confrontation was devoid of derogative tone.

The journey of emotional intimacy!

Emotional intimacy is not an occasion where you let down your guard and found yourself engaging in the last step; it is a journey of accumulation of trust over various incidents and have successfully maintain confidentiality of the other party’s information and personal experiences. The following are basic steps of attaining emotional intimacy in a romantic relationship:

  1. Spotting a person of interest: It is amazing how invisible the power of positive energy works. Often a person will look in direction from which a stare came and feel a pull of positive energy which affirms mutual interest.
  2. Communicating eyes: Eyes talks volumes. Exchange of contacts information occurs because eyes have affirmed that both would like to know each other.
  3. Expression of interest: The first date is very important because it sets a stage for continued journey or termination thereof. This is why it is such a big deal to groom and dress in an appropriate manner. Clothes speak and so are their arrangements on the body! Ladies! Are you aware that this first date is all about things you like or you cannot tolerate? Well, you better not fall for expensive jewelry and expensive restaurant; you need to look beyond the window dressing!
  4. Holding hands: This is following a few outings and found that a lady you are looking at has a potential to mother your babies. One gentleman once said that he was impressed by a date who collected empty containers of their picnic meal and threw them in the nearby garbage bin. One lady ended the dating when a rich and gorgeous man licked all five fingers at an expensive restaurant. What a disappointment! She said she knew the type and could not dare think she could change that over a period. In other words, intimacy progress to holding hands after observing appealing behavior and heard personal principles that denote a person qualifies according to your subjective view.
  5. Holding shoulders: May start with arranging a shirt because you feel at ease to do so. It is closing the space between and allowing your internal communication to occur.
  6. Holding waist: Allowing a person of different sex to hold your waist is a sign that you are beginning to widen the scope of your intimacy. It is also communicating readiness to touch each other. From the Christian point of view this stage is not allowed because it is tempting and is likely to progress to sexual encounter.
  7. Moderate petting: Kissing is allowed over several dating outings and it is a sign that you feel safe and want to take a relationship to a higher level of intimacy. This is a time to think of a future and speak about such thoughts so that at that very level you can now proceed to express your personal preferences such as starting a family and spacing children. As a Christian, it would be time to tell parents of your intentions to get married. The other steps leading to sex are subject to individual preferences which the couple may agree to engage in because they have no moral or spiritual obligations to observe.

It is of utmost importance to evaluate your relationship and see if there is part of your life you are not yet ready to disclose or share with your partner. If you experience reluctance or shame and therefore edit or withhold your thoughts, feelings and actions, it could be that a breach of trust has occurred. Alternatively it could mean that you have not forgiven or have become judgmental, manipulative or controlling. You take control of your life when you become proactive in maintaining optimum emotional health in your intimate relationship.

Understand what Emotional Intimacy is All About!


Submit a Comment

  • Theresa Jonathan profile image

    Theresa Jonathan 16 months ago from Maseru, Lesotho

    MsDora, I regret the delay, I was deep in rural Lesotho. Thank you for acknowledging this subject as important.

  • Deborah Demander profile image

    Deborah Demander 16 months ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

    This is very informative. I do agree with dashingscorpio, intimacy means different things in different relationships.

    While my husband has full access to my phone and computer, he trusts me and the same holds true for me: I have complete access to his phone and computer, but I trust him and do not feel the need to invade his privacy.

    Privacy and trust go hand in hand.


  • Theresa Jonathan profile image

    Theresa Jonathan 23 months ago from Maseru, Lesotho


    Thank you for your contribution; very helpful observations!

  • dashingscorpio profile image

    dashingscorpio 23 months ago

    Another very insightful article!

    I would probably caution people about #4 and #7.

    "Allow {full access} to each other’s life."

    Even as a married couple both people are expected to retain some level of privacy. "Full access" means different things to different people.

    I don't for instance feel the need to open my wife's mail or access her email account which amounts to the same thing. We have separate checking accounts along with our own individual credit card accounts.

    We've never had an argument over money or spending.

    "Tell the truth like it is."

    Hopefully people realize it's not (what) you say but (how) you say it.

    When your truly love and care about someone you don't delete your "edit button" before speaking to them. Some people believe "telling it like it is" means you don't care what the other person thinks and therefore one can spout off without being concerned for their feelings.

    When one believes their mate doesn't care what they think or how they feel intimacy slips away very quickly.

    Wise people realize you can't un-ring a bell. Therefore it's probably a good idea to think about what one's end-goal is before before one chooses to "tell it like it is". Honesty and rudeness need not go hand in hand.

    Anger is the Mask that Hurt wears!

  • Theresa Jonathan profile image

    Theresa Jonathan 23 months ago from Maseru, Lesotho

    Thank you MsDora. Your input is highly appreciated being exposed to issues of intimacy in your counseling career. Thank you

  • MsDora profile image

    Dora Weithers 23 months ago from The Caribbean

    Intimacy is often a misunderstood topic. Thanks for your information and explanations on this important matter.