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Sex, betrayal, addiction and nakedness

Updated on March 16, 2010
Natural beauty
Natural beauty

An interesting topic

Hi there, I hope you haven't stumbled upon this hub looking for knitting patterns or home-cooked recipes. The only food mentioned here will be the type that can be poured on another person's body and licked off. Those of a delicate disposition please change hubs now. I'm going as far as I can go without being banned. These are my own personal thoughts so I can't blame anyone else and I think I'm untraceable (I hope).

Sex

Wow - that was nice, just writing it - kind of liberating. Sex, sex, sex! It's a word guaranteed to create a reaction. Whether we like it or not our mind reacts to the word ( I don't mean whether we like sex or not, I mean whether we like the fact that we react to the word). Think about the following two statements

  • "I've just made beautiful love"
  • "I've just had great sex"

Now, discarding the possibility that it might have been a solitary activity, our minds automatically create a mental picture.

Think about it yourself. What image would the first statement give you? Two people in a loving embrace, moving slowly, caressing gently and gazing into each other's eyes?

Was it the same image for the second statement? - I doubt it, it would be more frenetic, more athletic and definitely more sweat!

Love and sex

Are women and men different here? We'll all admit to being in love but do we all admit to loving sex? I personally think that while there are differences between the sexes some of it is caused by society, conventions and expectations. Even at present it is not really acceptable for a woman to say "I love sex". Yeah, there may be the odd exception but those women would probably be thought of as being "easy". Now a man saying "I love sex, I have it every night" to his mates in the pub would get nods of approval from them, universal agreement and, possibly, a little touch of envy. I'm quite happy to be contradicted here - I've never had access to a group of women talking girl's talk so I could be wrong.

Betrayal

What started me thinking about this topic (well, apart from the fact that I'm supposed to think about sex every 6 seconds) was that I read a comment on a forum about a woman who's husband had been unfaithful - it was a cry for help - and I thought, what a shame, most of us have been, or will go, though that. But could the pain be eased if we understood each other better?

These are just my personal thoughts

I think that men have affairs for different reasons to women but the reaction to finding out probably doesn't differ that much.

I'm generalising here:- Men have affairs because:

  • They're flattered because another person finds them attractive
  • They feel that other men have had more women
  • They love to see other women naked
  • They can be more adventurous with someone else
  • It won't change things
  • They won't get caught

Women have affairs because:

  • They feel they are being neglected by their partners
  • They think there's more to life than this

Right - now that I've alienated everyone I'll explain what I'm getting at.

The woman who was writing thought it was her fault that her husband has strayed and wondered what she could do about it, what changes she could make to make him love her again. My personal thoughts are that it was probably his fault but she can only consider the reasons why she would have an affair so she assumes she has been neglecting him or that he wants more from his life. - Well that's my theory anyway.

Addiction

I've seen a lot of people addicted to different things, I suppose it's an easy thing to happen. I'm not going into other forms of addiction now but I want to mention sex addiction. Does it exist? - I doubt it, most men would be sex addicts if they got the chance but we're not rich film stars so we can't use that excuse. Nowadays it's acceptable for a man to admit he has a porn stash - as long as his partner doesn't find it! This is interesting though, research has shown that women get more excited by pornography than men. They actually wired men and women up and measured their responses to porno films - now where was I went that advert came out? Women prefered films with a bit of a story to them but even though they wouldn't admit it, they had stronger reactions to watching all films. I am not allowed to advise you of my own findings in this area. The only reasons I mention it is

  1. It may help couples to understand one another's needs more fully.
  2. I find it interesting.

Well one of of two isn't bad.

Nakedness

I've put this in becuase it makes the title look good and because of Lady E's excellent hub - must we pose naked. The answer to that is no (you have no idea how incredibly difficult it was for me to write that). But why did she pose the question in the first place? I don't think a man would ask it. It's because men are unable to stop themselves from looking. My wife used to prod me for looking at attractive women passing by. Then I read that women look at attractive men but they can see almost 180 degrees so it's not obvious. Since reading that I have been training my eyes - I am now cross-eyed and suffer from migraines but it's been worth it. Joking aside, my own thoughts are that women are incredibly beautiful - I just wish that some of them would appreciate their beauty more. There's always something different to admire in a women - it doesn't mean that we think any less of our partners because we do so. As an experiment I started to compliment women, I haven't found one who could hide her (pleased) reaction. So be proud to be naked. Men - forget it- we just don't look that good.

Food

Nearly forgot! - I would recommend those Muller Fruit Corners, they're good for you, increase your energy levels, have a reasonable amount of adhesion and I like the taste of them.

Enjoy each day - best wishes - Max

Comments

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    • Maxvon profile imageAUTHOR

      Maxvon 

      8 years ago from U.K.

      Thank you for your comments Sherman - I thought that was exactly what I had written as the reasons for women - did you mean add those to the reasons for men having affairs? I agree with what your saying but I think that men feel neglected if they are not getting sex - women feel neglected if they are not getting attention. A man's expectations and a woman's are different!

    • profile image

      Sherman 

      8 years ago

      It's interesting (and I think a serious oversight) that you did not include "They feel they are being neglected by their partners". I believe this may be more common than we care to admit. Likewise, "They think there's more to life than this" fits as well. Too often, I've discovered, that the female is regarded as blameless when a couple's relationship becomes 'sex starved'. This is something our US culture must constructively deal with by re-creating a balanced view of expectations between of a couple nurturing their commitment to each other.

    • Tom Cornett profile image

      Tom Cornett 

      8 years ago from Ohio

      I learned some things reading this...I didn't know that women reacted stronger than men while watching porn....wow! Thanks! :)

    • Maxvon profile imageAUTHOR

      Maxvon 

      8 years ago from U.K.

      I agree with all your comments V. I personally think that the reason there are so many relationships instigated by the Internet is that couples feel they can talk freely and openly so they quickly achieve a closeness - somehow this seems more difficult when we are first married - but I agree it can become easier with time particularly when both partners can discuss fantasies, likes and dislikes without invoking feelings of jealousy. I'm pleased you've reached that stage - the benefits are tremendous. Thank you for your comments, it's nice to get a woman's perspective. Best wishes, Max :)

    • v_kahleranderson profile image

      v_kahleranderson 

      8 years ago from San Jose, California

      Well, Maxvon, I give you two-thumbs up for your openness. But I will say this, that many men cheat, have affairs, just because. Many men that'd approached me, in my more youthful days, were honest enough to admit that, though they still loved their wife very much (and would never dream of divorcing), they just couldn't be turned on by their wife/partner of many years. They'd been together too long. In my opinion, this is a very lame excuse. But, okay, I am a woman and not a man, after all.

      Maxvon, keep your writings coming. I think it is very good to talk. My husband (of 28-years) and I talk, and talk very honestly. And now with our three children all grown and moving away to make their own lives, my husband and I seem to have grown so much closer, and even more intimate.

      God bless,

      VKA

    • Maxvon profile imageAUTHOR

      Maxvon 

      8 years ago from U.K.

      I've read some of yours c m - I think you're a man after my own heart - we both appreciate women - just don't tell the wife (joking). Thanks - Max :)

    • carolina muscle profile image

      carolina muscle 

      8 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

      It certainly is liberating to be able to talk about it. I enjoyed this post, thanks!

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