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- Romantic Intimacy
Sex is natural so why do people go without?
The subject of sex
The subject of human sexual behaviour is still a taboo in many places but why is this? Why is something that is so natural and in fact the only way any of us were created to begin with something that has become a topic not to be discussed with words used in connection with it thought of as disgusting language?
Not only that but why is it that years after the wake of the so-called "swinging sixties" today there are countless single people without partners and who find themselves in lives where they go without it? Why too has something that should be available to all as a normal part of life become something that is sold, and has been like this for all recorded history?
Sperm and ovum photo
A Facebook survey
Personally I am interested in this subject because it is a question I have not been able to answer, and have found myself amongst the many single people who do not have a sexual life as such. Despite my positive attitudes to life, enquiring nature, intelligence, creativity and open-mindedness I have had very few sexual partners in my adult life but this has not been because I have wanted to be celibate.
I am by no means alone in this problem, which seems really insane in a world of so many billions of people, and many of them single. There are a surprising number of people who do not have partners or relationships for long periods of time, and often this is not because they don't want to.
Failure to have sexual relationships often leads to intense frustration and loneliness too. People often compensate for their lack of a natural function by turning to drink and drugs or other addictions in an effort to find the pleasure they are denied.
It seems ridiculous that a basic programme of life and a source of pleasure is denied to so many people and yet readily indulged in by all wild animals.
What makes a person successful at finding sexual relationships? It appears that intelligence and physical beauty are no guarantee of finding happiness or partners. The reverse of this is often the case that people who do not show a very high IQ and are not particularly physically attractive find relationships easy to come by.
So with these questions in mind I thought I would ask my thousands of friends at the social networking site Facebook for their views on the subject. Not surprisingly there were many replies posted and I am going to be quoting some of what I think were the best and most interesting points made below.
Facebook users have their say
Here are a selection of responses from Facebook users in reply to the following question: If sex is so popular and natural (which it is on both counts!) why do humans pay for it and why do many have to go without it a lot of the time?
The first comes from doctor, musician and artist Paul Nery. Paul comments: "Some people pay for it so they can avoid the "love" part. Some people can stay without it a lot of time because they have other priorities... and many others simply can´t stay without it ...in various degrees."
Later on he approaches the subject from an esoteric slant and talks about chakras and kundalini in response to the answer that writer, hubber and photographer Lou Purplefairy International gave. Lou had plenty to say on the subject and I think made some very valid points. She tells us: "sex itself is really not the issue, but people's perception of it, is. For example, sex is used as a means of controlling another being, giving and withholding, and many people confuse sex with love."
And goes on to explain much further. Lou continues: "Sex is also addictive, and like any other addiction people have an attachment to it, and define themselves by it. Often it is the only means of control over their life that they have. This true of both men and women, for women because they feel less empowered emotionally in other areas of their lives, and for men because they feel inadequate in the face of other male competition in more physical areas of life.
To truly enjoy sex, firstly and most esentially, you should have a compatible partner, who thinks along the same wavelength as you do. Sex fulfils human needs of closeness and intimacy that cannot be shared in other ways, however, the differences between the responses of men and women open up this combination to a myriad of variables..."
She moves on to talk about chakras and kundalini to which Paul responded. The chakras, by the way, are a series of energy centres believed to exist from the bottom of a human body up to the top of the head. Kundalini is an energy that can rise up them and activate them with its power. It is often thought of as being like a serpent of divine energy: "As for those who pay for it and those who sell it, my view is that while there are men and woman who cannot communicate openly in a relationship, or find balance within their own lives and close down the sacral and base chakras and move the Kundalini consciousness into the solar plexus, heart, or brow chakra, people will always need the services of those angels who are willing to allow their bodies to be used to satisfy the emotional and physical needs of others, often at the detriment of themselves."
Lou brings up the possibility that the chakras can become unbalanced: "...as people discover more about themselves, they become less inclined to seek the trappings of a "relationship" as they have not yet leaned how to heal their own emotional damage (and therefore cant cope with a loving healthy human to human relationship,) yet their physical needs are not met as they have an inability to shut down the lower chakras. Consequently the chakras become unbalanced and need to be rebalanced short term with sex, satisfying the emotional and physical needs in the short term..."
Paul Nery's response to this was to say: "For the Kundalini to flow , you have to keep all the chakras open , so the energy will flow throughout the whole astral body , then you can channel it through the chakra you want . To shut down one single chakra is to break the balance of your inner self. To develop the siddhis , the wheels must keep on turning in an adequate way."
Bringing matters back to a more physical level, Nicola Hampsey had this point to make: "Some people are just not sexually attractive and they end up having to pay for it because its the only way they can get sex without breaking the law."
Wlllow Jacky suffers from a chronic illness in her spine that causes her much pain and exhaustion, and as a consequence she has been living alone for the past five years, however, she had this to say: "... to be honest it's liberating as i don't have to play a roll for anyone, or make concessions for them, i now enjoy my own space to be my own person, as scruffy as i like and as messy as i like with no one nagging." With this I can concur because I have been on my own for the past 10 years at least and like Jacky can please myself how I live.
Simon Bailey had a lot to say on the subject too including this: "Sex should be free and enjoyed by all. It is after all what we were put on this earth for, to procreate.Cast your minds back to the Roman times where orgies were the norm? There was no shame then in group sex. This was taken away by modern day religion and the invention of monogamy in marriage in the western world. " I think he has pinpointed why it has become taboo, in one word: religion.
Simon continues to explain: "... the exploitation by some, and lack of sex by others, is caused by none other than religion in our modern lifetime, where we have been taught that sex is dirty, and we have been fed and taught morally and ethically through religion, that sex is only for a purpose of procreating. We have robbed ourselves as a human race of one the fundamental pleasures we were given by our creator as a gift."
Artist Orion Hale said: "Sex is a problem if you're single and not getting any, I agree. But it's not a problem if you're with someone compatible. Each to their own regarding that one. Although there are moral choices, such as celibacy, but that doesn't work, as everything in nature has it's cycle and season."
Sean Donovan, who is also an artist and a singer-songwriter, liked the question I had asked and responded as follows. "This is a great question, similar in some respects to money or wealth, and judging from the answers so far the feedback is polarised into two gender camps...if we were once single celled animals there must be a biological plus that moved us into our present male/female pairing...this brings up another question, gender...transgender and homosexuality...I can only suggest we are male or female by chance and that our sexuality is universal - we share humanity more than gender and its attendant variety."
Margaret Hankin summed it all up well when she came up with this response: "Steve, your answer is in your question. Because it is so popular and natural it can be used to control others including paying for it and going without."
© 2011 Steve Andrews