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Sexless Marriage: Why?

Updated on August 27, 2011

Why are you in a sexless marriage?

Millions of men around the world are caught in a sexless marriage. Some like to blame it on marriage itself. They say once you get married, you quit having sex, or at least you quit having good sex. I beg to differ. Marrying a woman truly shows you that you love her and makes her want you even more. Here I am giving you the top reasons why you are experiencing a sexless marriage. You may not like it, but it’s the truth.

You are sexless because you think you are better looking.

Maybe your wife doesn’t want to have sex with you because you think you look better than her. A wife doesn’t want to put on her hot little tight pink shirt to meet you for lunch only to find out you are wearing yours too. They say only real men can wear pink but they lied. For most women, wearing a pink shirt or a sweater tied over shoulders either means that you are full of yourself or that you are gay. I’m not saying there is anything wrong being gay, but most wives don’t like to have sex with gay husbands.

Honey, I'll do your hair if you do mine.
Honey, I'll do your hair if you do mine.

Another indicator that you think you are prettier than her is that it takes you longer to your hair than it takes her to do hers. If you have more hair products than your wife then you probably won’t get laid. In summary, pretty boys need to trash the hair products and the tight pink shirts and go for a more many natural look.

This guy could be at risk for sexless marriage.
This guy could be at risk for sexless marriage.

A hairy back can cause a sexless marriage.

In the heat of the moment she wraps her arms around you and digs her nails into your back only to come away with a palm full of back hairs. Or maybe she gives a little nibble on your chest and gets hair stuck in her teeth. Even worse, she accidently inhales the hair and almost chokes on it. The song, “Let me lick you up and down” doesn’t really work with four pounds of chest and back and wherever else hair.

The marriage is sexless because you crush her.

Being fat doesn’t always lead to a sexless marriage. A lot of women love a bigger man. They are like big teddy bears that we can lay on and hug. The great thing about a big man is that the lady rarely feels self conscious about her weight. Women love to be the small petite one. However, when it comes to our physical safety we have to take caution. Big guys have to recognize their weight and show consideration by not crushing or suffocating us. It’s kind of hard to enjoy sexual relations when we are worried about cracking a rib or we can’t breathe underneath you.

No sex for this guy.
No sex for this guy.

Bad breath is a leading cause of sexless marriages

Bad breath is one of the most common reasons women choose not to have sex with their husbands. We can only hold our breath for so long. Carry mints, brush, floss and rinse. Do whatever you have to do. Just get rid of it.

You embarrassed her to much to have sex.

Maybe you are in a sexless marriage because you embarrass her every weekend when you go out. The college party boys were cool and funny when we were in college but we are all grown up now. No wife wants to have sex with her husband after he’s been running around drunk all night in his underwear playing pranks on everyone. You might think that running around the house in her underwear is funny when you are drunk but it will leave a long-lasting impression in her brain that pops up every time you try to get some nookie.

She found some better sex.

Maybe you are in a sexless marriage because she just found something better.Let's face it. The heart wants what the heart wants.

The leading cure for a sexless marriage.
The leading cure for a sexless marriage.

The best solution to a sexless marriage.

Whatever the case, there is a remedy for the sexless marriages. There is one sure fire way your uglies will meet tonight. Whether it’s back hair, bad breath or a pink shirt, this one simple trick will get your wife to have sex with you every time!


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    • laidbacklady profile image

      Linda 6 years ago from Plumsted Township, NJ

      Hey, cblack, cool hub! Sadly, partially true, but the other part is funny. I enjoyed it alot! Voted up and funny!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 7 years ago

      Funny but also has some element of truth I would imagine.

      In reality other factors such as (her weight gain) and not feeling sexy can come into play.

      Older women sometimes experience less desire when menopause kicks in.

      When anyone exchanges vows to “forsake all others” it’s under the assumption the person they are marrying loves and desires them physically.

      Allowing passion, romance, and sex to die in a marriage is very unhealthy.

      A sexless marriage can lead one or both people to explore “other options”

      “It’s easier to maintain a fire than it is to reignite spark!” :-)

    • cblack profile image

      cblack 7 years ago from a beach somewhere

      Hi nifty@50. Sometimes when you get writers block you just have to write something silly to get you groove back. Thanks for the comment!

    • nifty@50 profile image

      nifty@50 7 years ago

      Very amusing! Such a simple solution to an age old problem...LOL!