- Gender and Relationships»
- Non-Monogamous Relationships
She's A Home Wrecker...Or Is She?
Exposing The Real Issue
Talk shows, the conversation at the watercooler, talk on the street,Facebook pages and even websites are are constantly buzzing about "home wreckers." There has even been a lot of controversy surrounding the She's A Homewrecker website concerning the legality of posting pictures and details of the accused home wrecker as a means of exposing them.
Home wreckers are typically portrayed as women, or less often, men, who deliberately target a person in a relationship and do their best to break that relationship up. That sounds pretty clear cut, and we all love to blame the villain, however, the waters of the cheating river are way too muddy to produce such a clear answer. So. let's take a closer look.
Most of the time in this situation the betrayed partner is outraged by phone calls, texts, and explicit photographs sent by email or text to the straying partner by the accused home wrecker. Finding those kinds of things is indeed a visceral pain to the betrayed partner, and first instinct kicks in. And, our first instinct is, naturally, to protect the one we love and assume they are innocent victims of a treacherous schemer. After all, we love the one we are in the relationship we or we would not be there to begin with, so it is only natural to see them as, at least, a slightly injured and victimized party. Of course if they are not entirely to blame, we must find who is and raise some Hell. The sanctity of our relationship has been violated by an intruder who has to be evicted. And so the hunt for the offender and quest for revenge begins. It feels really good to be angry at the third party in your relationship.It even feels great to bust them out to the world. Everybody takes the side of the betrayed partner and hates on the home wrecker and that, in turn makes us feel vindicated and validated, it is much needed balm to our wounded hearts and bleeding emotions. But is our anger misplaced?
Let's take a closer look at the issue of messages and pictures sent by the home wrecker.This raises a question. How did the home wrecker acquire the phone number or email address of your significant other? The days of looking up numbers in the phone book are long over, so if anyone has your number these days, chances are you gave it to them. That information changes the face of the situation a bit, doesn't it? The home wrecker did not just pull your significant other's phone number, or for that matter, email address out of a hat. That pretty much guarantees that your partner provided the assumed home wrecker with his or her contact information. In order for your partner to have done so, he or she would have to have had at least one conversation with the perceived home wrecker that made them think their communication was welcome.Hmm....maybe the home wrecker was invited?
Another thing ot consider is whether or not the messages your partner received from the accused home wrecker been replied to or are they unanswered? A person in a committed relationship who receives a message by mistake will not respond or will alert the sender that the message is unwelcome and put a stop to it. If the message is invited, or even expected, there will be responses laced with encouragement. Encouragement that says "I'm available, come get me." That should make you wonder if maybe the home wrecker shoe is on the wrong foot.
Perhaps the real home wrecker is using the side person as a fall guy for the fact that they were looking in the first place. Most people, especially women, don't get drawn into a relationship with a person who belongs to someone else without some hope that that person will leave the relationship to be with them. Most cheaters have no intention of leaving the relationship to be with the person they are cheating with. Maybe the person you see as a home wrecker is a pawn in a twisted game.Cheaters employ promises, flattery, gifts and words of love they never feel in order to string their side person, or people, as the case may be, along. Some even maintain profiles on dating sights in order to meet people who like likely candidates for an affair. Often times these men or women have no idea the person they are seeing is in another relationship until after their emotions get involved. They feel helpless and trapped by this point. For some it may be devastating to end the relationship they thought they had.
So, in light of this information, let's revisit the issue of who may actually be the home wrecker. It may just be your partner, who desperate wants to look innocent and not the third party involved alone.Perhaps your partner is not the innocent victim, but a wolf in sheep's clothing. Perhaps the one who is wearing the label "Home Wrecker" is a victim of the same schemer you have been. Cheating in a relationship takes two, there is no innocent party other than the one who has been cheated on. Taking this into account, it is unwise and destructive to expose a person as a home wrecker. They may have been just as taken in as you are. Look beyond the pain to see the facts, and you may just discover the home wrecker is not who you thought.And save the expose, you will be glad you did.