- Gender and Relationships»
A Short Cut To Getting Married
Biological clock is ticking. Beauty is gradually fading. Parents are getting worried and some are beginning to call for their grandchild(ren). Of course, the larger Society is pressuring as usual. Friends are getting married off. People are beginning to question: "So when are you gettin' married?"
You too, you are also beginning to question and doubt yourself too— if and when and whether it is still going to happen? Is something wrong with me? Am I that unattractive, or what? And someone is seriously though silently getting scared every day…
Oh yes. I know I am describing someone’s situation: a woman's, for sure. Actually, I know I am not just describing the condition of one particular woman but in fact, the situation of so many women out there.
Get me right. It’s not like it’s only women that can go through that harrowing experience. Men do too. But let’s face it; men can actually be excused from this one.
But not so with women who might have to do the battle on so many fronts—internally, social conditioning or pressure, and of course, not forgetting the unavoidable part that nature has to play too.
I won’t even forget to also mention the problem of ‘whom to marry‘ which many women will also have to battle with the seemingly dearth of eligible bachelors looming everywhere. Let’s not also forget that not too many younger guys are ready for marriage.
Sometimes as a woman, you find yourself in that difficult and worrying position. The most confusing part is that you know that the ‘problem’ cannot actually be a case of you not being able to have a boyfriend because guys are always hitting on you but even though you’ll have preferred them to stick, so to speak!
So why short cut?
Well, as a woman, you might find this hard to believe but men don’t take that long to make a decision on the type of woman he wants. That confusing and sometimes agonizing delay you often experience from or with him is just to prolong the sampling, or should I say, to keep his options open because he while he's with you, he might as well be waiting for the next big or better deal.
Your job now is to help him to help both of you cut down the sampling time by showing up with the best YOU.
Did you hear that? The BEST YOU! Because that’s the key, the short cut!
One funny thing about relationships which most people don’t know is that some relationship can be seen as a game where each party is watching the other person not knowing what they are going to do or how to proceed but always ready to adapt to changes if the need be because the rules are constantly being set and modified and reviewed even as the game goes on.
But if you as a woman is able to prove to him that you are game and the real deal, chances are he will get serious because it is a well known open secret that that while getting a woman is easy; getting a marriageable woman is not, and trust me, many guys who are seriously searching for a mate already know this.
So consider what I am doing here as a prep towards the Big M. But I must also warn you, no one says it’s going to be easy. Truth is, it comes with sacrifices—a lot of sacrifices, in fact.
Sometimes it’s quite ridiculously laughable watching or listening to a woman make up a list of what she wants in a man. This is because sometimes, somehow, such ladies fail to understand that relationship is a two-way thing and you cannot ask for the best if you are not (ready to be) the best.
So if you do your own part to turn up your best, most likely, he will equally turn up his best too.
If you are ready, I am ready to show you some of those factors that will ensure that your best YOU will surely turn up if you are seriously considering marriage.
Okay. Here they are:
Be yourself. Be natural. Be true to yourself. Nothing beats that. People hate fakers. It is our natural instinct. Fakers come off as deceivers. Fakers seem as if they have something to hide—all the time.
We normally like those who are true to themselves. Such people are easier to trust. Such people are easier to be with.
Men who are seriously considering marriage will always develop cold feet if they start suspecting or thinking that the girl has some serious though concealed issues they might not be able to deal with.
I am not saying you should not have your own secrets. Of course, he does have his too. We all have our pasts and insecurities. But you will agree with me that the openness that comes with being real is very much reassuring.
Can he describe you? What can he say about your likes and dislikes assuming he is asked that question?
Think about it.
Be feminine in all your conduct with him. Always have it in mind and don’t ever neglect this fact that men have very big egos.
It doesn't go down so well with most men when a woman starts acting like she can challenge him in everything.
This is where some ladies start to get it wrong. They hear that men dig independent and strong-willed women and next thing you know, they start playing macho man.
Challenging a man is good but trying to rub it in his face that what a man can do a woman can do equally better at any slightest opportunity you get will definitely work against you when it comes to issues concerning getting married.
Trust me, even the most confident and secured men out there have this instinct in them so beware!
Be a woman. Be soft. Be sexy. Be ladylike. Accept and follow his lead.
I tell you, even if he doesn't admit it, he’ll definitely love that.
Our health is our wealth. Healthiness connotes so many things to a prospective male suitor.
When a woman is healthy, it shows that she can and is taking good care of herself. It shows that she consciously knows how to feed well.
Good health suggests vigor, youthfulness and vitality.
To some extent, some men also interpret healthiness in woman as a very good sign of a sound mind and a healthy sex life.
Some men can also interpret healthiness as a good sign that she is neither the sickly type who will drain his time and resources in the hospital nor the type who will suddenly turn obese.
In general, a healthy lifestyle free of diseases can also translate to healthy kids.
So eat well. Exercise well. Rest well. Sleep well. These things will surely bring out that sexiness in you. Don’t forget to exercise your mind too.
You know those things friends do for us? Yes, get ready to do it for him.
You laugh with him. You care for him. You show concern about his pains or troubles. You share some secrets. And also keep those secrets.
You show some loyalty and supportiveness. You share some common goals and interests. Be truthful with him. Be less judgmental. And also get ready to make some sacrifices…
Show him some respect and don’t ever forget to give him his space and privacy. And try as much as possible to do away with all those pretense. Remember, be real!
Those are the type of things good friends do for each other.
So get to work and become his friend, first.
Get a life
Oho! I don’t mean this as an insult but you really need to get a life.
Here, to get a life simply means you need to spot or find other things that can make your life lively and interesting—other things, besides being in a relationship—with him.
In other words, you really need to find a way to spice up your own life because doing this will surely garner for you that confidence that is always attractive so that when a man sees you, part of his reasoning will be to get closer to discover the source/cause of your joy and possibly share in it too…
To do this effectively, you really have to learn how to live in the moment and enjoy what you already have. That is to say, you need to start counting your blessings.
You have to be optimistic.
When you do this, you give off a positive vibe that is quite attractive and alluring too.
One other reason why it is imperative that you get a life is simply because no matter how much a man professes to love, to care, to protect, to want or need you, to provide for you, the naked truth is that NOBODY wants to be completely responsible of another person’s happiness.
You need to find a way to be doing some of these things for yourself too.
So make yourself useful—now!
To grow up means to live in the reality.
As a woman who earnestly wants to settle down, it is highly advisable that you don’t waste your time planning for perfection, for a perfect wedding, for a perfect honeymoon, and yes, most importantly, for a perfect man.
In truth, relationships are nothing but simply work in progress and we all learn every day.
Be mentally prepared for marriage. I am not saying you should just settle for less just like that but then, be ready to make some concessions.
The road is not always smooth. Sometimes, it is rough. In fact, so rough that you will realize that it will take so much endurance to see you through the struggles.
But you can help in smoothing it, the earlier you realize this and set your mind to it.
Don’t be overly dependent
In other words, be independent. Well, in essence, I am actually talking about financial independence.
This is a very big issue and most men who really want to settle down are always watching out for this. Most men will always to prefer to settle down with a woman who can add to his till rather than that one who will deplete it.
I know it is not as easy as it sounds and I know that one of the criteria which most women use to decide if the man is capable enough or is worth it is by his ability to provide for them, but then, rather than depending on the man to be providing for you all the time, you really need to try to seriously start thinking about and working on how to be making your own money.
Times have changed and more women are now educated and equally earning, cost of living has spiraled, unemployment is threatening, the world today is facing an increasingly financial uncertainty.
That’s the reality on grounds and so any wise or reasonable person is expected to know this and also adapt to it.
And if you happen to come across as someone who constantly seeps or drains his pockets and resources away, he will always have a rethink when it comes to marriage, and trust me; it is not going to be in your favor.
Do you have good business acumen? Can you run a business? Do you know how to save money? Can you control your spending habits? How can you support him? Do you know/have any special skill/s or ideas that can be translated in money? Bring those to the table. Those will surely count in your favor.
Another dangerous angle to this issue of being too financially dependent is that your overly dependence on the man might make him to always doubt you or question your motives.
He might sometimes find himself wondering if you are really with him because you want to be with him or if you are with him because he is merely providing for you.
Most guys, even the well-to-do ones, will not be so comfortable with the idea that you are with them simply because of what you can get from them.
Learn (to like) Guy Things
I know It might sound so awkward mentioning this but one of the things that can easily count to your own favor when it comes to getting a guy to look at you and conclude that you might be the ONE he will like to settle down with is your ability to like guy things.
Do you know why?
It is simply because it instantly makes you the type of friend who actually understands. And it gets even better and makes everything even more interesting because of the added advantage that it also makes you his best of friend whom he can actually fvck.
Oh wow! You know what they say about men and sex, huh? It’s true!
When you learn (to like and/or get used to) guy things, it means he will not always have to explain himself to you because you already know where he is coming from.
It also means that he will not end up having a nagger as a partner but rather a cool partner-in-crime.
To most guys, the fact that you are understanding means that you are equally going to be more forgiving, more tolerant and yes, less judgmental as you won’t be seeing most of the things he does as stupid…
Plus he wouldn't have to change himself so much just to please you.
So get on with those guy things. You know, the football, sports, the video games, the scatterbrain lifestyle, action/violent movies, and even p0rn…etc.?
Define your selling point
In other words, what’s your deal? What do you have to offer?
You see, the truth is that in most relationships these days, love is not enough. Your beauty is not enough. Even sex too.
One reason I could give for this is that these things can and do fade. Something like sex can get so monotonously boring and tiresome.
So you need to have a rethink.
What is that or those very things that is/are so good and interesting about you that someone who wants to come close to you will definitely like to experience?
I don’t know you as much as you know yourself but I believe I can make you to start thinking about such things now.
So think. Identify your selling points. And then let them shine.
Remember, just like in many other nice things in life, the more the better…
Don’t go for marriage
I know saying this might also sound so ridiculously awkward at this point but the truth is that you should always bear this in mind.
Like most experienced salesmen will tell you, if you are selling something, never make a show of it. In other words, do it indirectly. It will surely serve your purpose better if you can deflect the fact that you are selling something.
One reason why this works is that if when people know that you are actually trying to sell something to them, they tend to up their guards but if you do the opposite, they tend to lower their guards.
The same thing can happen when it comes to marriage.
As a woman who wants to settle down, once you make marriage your goal or your end point, you instantly create a lot of problems for yourself.
Guys can easily smell this out because they are always watching out for this. They know that you are not going to be fun to be with simply because you won't have the zeal to be so since gotten what you want.
So they might as well steer clear on time.
Unknowingly, you also create a lot of fear inside them. They start walking on eggshells with you. They start suspecting your every move. They start wondering if this is the real you.
And consequently, they try as much as possible to put so much gap in between you and them because it starts feeling as if you are unconsciously forcing them into it.
The watchword there is forcing.
So what do you do?
You simply do what I have been suggesting so far. You simply let the best you to turn up all the time. And the more you do that, the more natural it becomes.
Trust me, guys are always watching you for this, consciously and unconsciously and nothing attracts and delights men as seeing or being with the natural woman.
If you play your cards well, without it looking as if you are trying too hard or too much, he will most likely be the one that will be ‘disturbing’ you for marriage.
Lucky you! *winks*
But wait a minute, before you start getting the wrong ideas, please being natural is very different from being disgusting. You still need to look good and neat and act ladylike, okay?
And oh, one more thing. Please don’t get married just to prove a point. That will be like a time bomb waiting to explode, so don’t even think about it. You will not be satisfied. He will not be too.
In my own opinion, the earlier you start understanding and convincing yourself that you are not in competition with anyone else in this life, the easier, the better and less stressful it’s going to be for everyone involved.
To get more details, and more tips and 'tricks' on how to make these things possible plus information on how to attract a man or make your relationship with your man last very well, then check out this eBook I wrote which I titled: Getting HimTo Stay