- Gender and Relationships»
Should A Husband and Wife Use Sarcasm When Kidding One Another?
In my humble opinion I think that couples should tread very carefully when it comes to using sarcasm or anything that might push someone's buttons and cause an all out fight with one another. I think that couples pretty much know how far they can take one another before a fight ensues. I honestly think that an occasional sarcastic remark made in jest certainly won't make or break a marriage, but it would not be a good idea to make it a habit in doing so.
I used to know a couple that were very young, and they used to hit one another. By that I mean that they used to share punches with one another on the arm to see who could hit harder than the other. I witnessed this a few times and thought that it was the most juvenile thing I had ever witnessed between a marred couple, and I have seen plenty. They would start out by doing it in fun and then of course one of them would hit harder than they meant to in order to win and then a fight always ensued. It made me cringe and I hated to be around them because of this and I always thought, this marriage is not going to last. I was right, and they divorced about 6 months later, they are both married to different people now.
I asked my friend, "don't you think it's weird that you guys hit each other for fun"? Well she said she never thought anything about it and it wasn't the reason that they had a bad marriage. Well that may be the case, but it certainly couldn't have helped their marriage much if it was already on shakey ground. I also found out later that she would often fight with her siblings when she was growing up, and it would come to blows with her brothers and sisters. She didn't think there was anything wrong with this and she said that that is the way she was raised.
That being said, I think that couples have to really have a strong marriage before they engage in being sarcastic when they play around. I mean I love to kid around as much as the next person and my husband and I laugh at one another together all the time, but the difference is we don't try to humiliate or use too much sarcasm because there is something that nags at me about the whole sarcasm thing that doesn't set well when people use it too much. Yes we kid each other about certain things, but once sarcastic remarks get thrown at each other, then trust me someone is going to get their feelings hurt and may start a fight.
I'm definitely all about kidding around and having fun with your spouse, but ask yourself if what you are about to say could actually hurt someone's feelings and then decide if you will say it. I think that couples really need to tread carefully about this topic and of course not take it too seriously but definitely not take things so lightly that you don't care how much your words may hurt your partner.
Many people use sarcasm as a weapon and this is very true when it comes to kids and how we grow up. Sometimes we grow up in families where that is the way they communicate, like my friend, so as adults we don't think anything wrong with it. As adolescents we use sarcasm when we are nervous or put in a corner and our adolescent minds don't really comprehend the seriousness of what we say when we use sarcasm.
I'm definitely not saying that couples should not kid around, playing around with one another and having a good sense of humor is very healthy in a relationship, but when there is the need to use a lot of sarcasm when kidding around then I think the couple need to take stock in their relationship and figure out if they are in serious trouble or are having difficulties that maybe run a little more deeper. This of course is very important when there are children involved because they learn so much from their mother and father, such as parenting and relationships and you wouldn't want to run the risk of setting bad examples for your children, especially when the sarcasm puts down someone or hurts someone's feelings, because we all know that sarcasm can sometimes cut like a knife.
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