Should I get a divorce? Reasons why not to get a divorce from your husband or wife
Should I get a divorce? This post outlines why you should not get a divorce rather than being any other relationship advice column and talking about why you should get a divorce. Know the practical side effects of being divorced and find out why it may be worth saving your marriage rather than separating from your husband or wife.
1) You can save your marriage: Get all the help you can
One of the simplest reasons why you should not get a divorce is because most issues can be worked out. Get professional help if you think you have exhausted all possible ways to try to work things out between you and your partner internally.
A marriage counselor or a relationship expert may be able to objectively get to the core of the problems in your marriage. The solution to all the disagreements and turmoil in your marriage may be right in front of you. But being in the middle of the confusion can render you blind to even the simplest of all solutions.
2) Avoid getting a divorce for the sake of your children
Staying married for the sake of children is possibly the most common advice given to couples who are about to give up on their marriages. A divorce can leave a lasting impression on a child's life. Side effects can possibly range from low self-esteem to trauma resulting in lifelong psychological scars.
Use the sanity of your children as an anchor to hold your marriage in place. It may be many months or even years before things get back on track, but all your efforts will be worth it.
3) Being a single mom or single dad is very difficult
Unless you are the type of person who can afford a nanny and a driver for your kids, being a single parent is a tough job by itself. Right from giving your kids breakfast, dropping them off to school, picking them up and making them do their homework, you will be solely responsible for their upbringing.
Raising kids all by yourself will tire you out mentally and physically. It is a full time job by itself and you will need to make sacrifices in your own career and lifestyle to be able to fulfill your responsibilities as a single parent.
4) Don't get a divorce if you don't want to do everything by yourself
Married couples share responsibilities that arise in the household. This includes household chores, getting things fixed, paying bills and helping each other out in personal routines. The scale of not having someone to share daily responsibilities becomes visible only after you actually start living alone.
For example, you will no longer have the luxury of calling your partner from work, asking him or her to stay home in the evening so that the plumber can fix the broken pipes. Small examples like these can add up and tear into your lifestyle.
5) Being divorced will make you feel alone and lonely
Getting a divorce may seem like the only answer to get away from a bad marriage. However the other side of getting a divorce will be apparent only when your life plunges into the depressing feeling of loneliness.
Even if you are not on the best of terms with your husband or wife, just the sight of an extra person in the house is sometimes all you need to know that there is some company in your life. After your divorce, you will have no one but the cold walls to stare at once you come back from work.
6) Being a single parent means increased financial burden
The difficulties of being a single mom or single dad do not end at managing your kids' routines. Divorce also brings additional financial responsibilities. You will no longer have two incomes to support the household groceries, bills and the mortgage.
You should not get a divorce if you are not prepared to shoulder this added financial responsibility. Unless you have a well paying job that can be accommodating of your needs as a single parent, the financial burden may be too heavy to handle on your own.
7) Peer pressure of getting back into the dating scene
The pressure of getting back into the dating scene is yet another reason why you should not get a divorce. Once you have gotten out of the phase of being sad over your heartbreak, there will naturally be peer pressure for you to start looking for companionship.
It is not easy to start dating again after being with the same man or woman for many years together. It can be a traumatic experience for those who are not mentally fit to adapt to extreme circumstances from a relationship perspective.
8) You will go into a new relationship with expectations
Divorce itself is a life changing decision but there are many more challenges that lie ahead, especially from the perspective of your love life. You are likely to start dating with expectations when you finally find the courage to move on. You will unknowingly carry the baggage of your previous marriage and look out for partners who don't have the same qualities as your ex-husband or ex-wife.
Everything in life isn't in black and white. You may not come across Mr. or Ms. Right immediately and it could take you years to come across a person who you like. The trauma of a failed marriage will hold you back even when you start getting feelings for someone else.
9) Friends, colleagues and relatives will talk behind your back
Although temporary, the issue of people talking behind your back will be a shattering fallout of getting a divorce. Your friends, colleagues and relatives will talk behind your back and may even mock you with lines like 'Her marriage did not work out' or 'He could not do anything to stop his wife from leaving him'.
Don't risk getting a divorce if you are not strong enough to handle the social fallout of being divorced. This nasty talk will die down after life resumes its normalcy but that can take many months.
10) Divorce battle and burden of alimony payments
Post divorce, things will get worse from a financial perspective if you have to give alimony payments to your spouse. It will be difficult to make ends meet when you will face the numbing financial responsibility of supporting yourself, your spouse and your kids across two households.
The battle for alimony payments itself can turn ugly if either partner decides to take matters to court. An ugly divorce can wipe away decades of happy memories in a flash.
11) You are likely to lose friends
You are likely to lose some friends when you get a divorce. For example, you may not be able to hang out with your ex-wife's best friend's husband simply because she asked him not to meet you. You may no longer be invited to the glamorous parties hosted by your husband's colleague and his wife.
You will lose out on mutual friends who are likely to take sides, either yours or your husbands. Be prepared to be ignored by people who you thought to be the close friends simply because they are closer to your husband or wife.
12) You will forever be tagged as a divorcee
A crucial reason why you should not get a divorce is that you will forever be tagged as a divorcee. Even when you are filling out your details on a simple application form, you will be reminded that you are no longer married any more.
Re-visit your decision to get a divorce and ask yourself if you really want to be identified as a divorcee.
13) Emotional trauma for your parents and extended families
Getting a divorce will send ripples through the emotional wellbeing of your parents, siblings and other extended family members who care for you. Pause and think about how much worry and stress you are about to put your loved ones through.
Your actions may also dent relationships between loved ones from your side of the family and your spouse's side of the family.
14) No turning back: Giving your marriage another shot for the sake of marriage
Before you sign the divorce papers, remember that there is no turning back. You will be powerless to change your decision once you get a divorce.
Even if you regret your decision and want to get back with your ex-husband or wife, things would already have become too complicated. He or she may have started daring someone else or your partner may just be too hurt and unwilling to reconcile.
Think about all the years and hard work that have gone into your marriage. Think about your past and think about your future. Give your marriage a last chance, for the sake of your life, your partner's life and the life of your children.