- Gender and Relationships
Should Married Women Be Allowed To Date?
Married Women Allowed to DATE?
As a married woman myself, I say married women should definitely be allowed to date! Married women should without a doubt keep dating to keep them feeling attractive and to keep them from being too consumed with all of the burdens of the house and raising the children. Of course, married women should only be dating their husbands; that goes without saying.
When you first met the man you decided to marry, I'm sure you felt like you could not get enough of him. You counted the moments until you were to see him next, you waited excitedly for the doorbell to ring so you could greet him at the door, you would stay up all hours of the night talking to him about almost anything just because you enjoyed the sound of his voice, and you would work all day and still have the energy to go out with him in the evening. And when you saw him, you always dressed your best, had makeup on, hair fixed, and gave him a VERY friendly kiss hello.
Then came marriage, kids, and, well... life. Now, sure you count the moments until he comes home - the little ones have been very needy today and you need someone to watch the kids so you can have 5 minutes to yourself. AND HE HAD BETTER NOT RING THAT DOORBELL AND WAKE THE BABY OR ELSE! Talking? Yes, we should definitely find time to talk after the kids go to bed. The car was making a funny noise today and hopefully nothing is really wrong with it. As for going out, you are kidding, right? After working at home all day today, getting supper out of the way, the kids bathed and in bed, all you want to do is clean the kitchen and then go to bed yourself. Oh, and by the time he came home, you are lucky to have had a shower, hair brushed and pulled back in a headband, and clean (but comfortable) clothes put on. When he came in, did you remember to tell him "Hello" and maybe throw in a "How was your day"? Sure hope so.
Okay, so maybe it isn't that bad or maybe it is worse depending on where you are in life. (People with newborns will know what I'm talking about.) Things are different now, definitely. You are both still basically the same people you were when you were dating, you are just in different situations now with different responsibilities. That is why it is important to still date.
Now, let's be realistic, we aren't talking as often as before; just enough to keep the old "date" feeling alive. Some prefer once a month, some prefer more often, some prefer less often. It depends on the extent you take your date (see ideas), but I prefer at least once a month.
There are a few very strict rules you should follow:
- No children allowed (Babysitter is an absolute requirement if you have kids)
- No discussing the children (This one took me some time to get used to.)
- No talking about finances
- No chatting about problems with the house (or any other problems for that matter)
- No arguing over any sensitive topics (Don't use this time to discuss which parents house you are going to visit for Thanksgiving.)
- Get dressed up for each other
- Hold hands, make contact! Husband, put your hand on her knee; Wife, rub your fingers on the back of his neck while he's driving. (This is something that seems so minor, but you forget how the small contact throughout the evening will make a difference.)
- Keep each other's likes, dislikes and schedules in mind when deciding on when and what to do on the date. (If she hates the heat, don't plan a picnic in July. If he has an important meeting the next day, maybe that particular night is not the best choice.)
- Complement each other (be sincere)
Other than that, just remember that the goal of this is to spend time being with each other and involved with each other. (My husband and I can be in the same room doing work and laundry at the same time; this is not the "spending time" I'm talking about here.) The reason you are not discussing the children is the children are not what brought you together in the first place. It is too easy to let them be a driving factor in your life 24/7 - on date night, they are not your responsibility or your concern. The only concern you should have is the person you are with that evening. (Chances are your husband has not had your undivided attention for more than 10 minutes in quite a while and vice versa.)
The ideas for date night are unlimited. Not every date night should be all nighters, but some now and then would definitely be beneficial. Although it is hard not to find one you like, I strongly suggest mixing it up and keep trying new things. This is your one night to relax and to do what you want. Don't get into old habits on your date nights as well. Also, even if money is tight, there are ideas you can use that cost little or nothing besides what you would normally eat for dinner.
Here are just some starter ideas for your dates.
A romantic dinner is always a good start to any good date. It can be at a restaurant - at a fine restaurant, at her/his favorite restaurant, or that one restaurant you have always wanted to try. It could be a picnic - on the beach, in the park, in a field, or that favorite spot you had when you were dating. It can even be at your house or apartment. With this one, you have to be more careful. You do not want to break into old routines. Save the dishes until tomorrow or burn candles and have music playing while you both clean the dishes.
Other good additions to date night could include:
- Watching the sunset
- Taking a stroll in the moonlight (hand in hand)
- Midnight swims (one of my favorites!)
- Mutual foot rubs
- Oil massages
- Giving each other a bath
The list really could go on - these are just some that I particularly like. I am strongly against the movie theater for date night if you are only getting one a month or less. This is too public and you have no time for each other. If you are a movie buff, at lease rent a movie and spoon on the couch or do the mutual foot rub while you watch the movie.
Also, for these evenings at home, candles, music, and sparkling cider or wine can come in very handy to help set a romantic mood. Just remember that the goal is to relax, forget all your problems and enjoy each other's company. Remember those days when you used to only want to be with each other. Let go of everything else for the evening as hard as it will be.
Now, Husbands, do not assume that any further "benefits" will always be a given. Like most things, this will depend on the mood and the progression of the evening; most times, these dates have very happy endings. On those occasions when, for whatever reason, it is "not in the stars", you will gain more in the long run not to pressure wife. You do not want her to look at these dates as automatic fend off sessions. You will be rewarded in the long run if she knows that you are understanding when she needs you to be.
One last thing to remember is that with "life", sometimes things get in the way. This has to be made a priority. If you decide on once a month, schedule it in advance, take a day off from work, or do whatever you have to do to make sure this happens. It is too easy to say "maybe next week" or "we'll let it slip this month". Make this a top priority - you will definitely not regret it!