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Should You Be Honest in Your Relationship?

Updated on August 22, 2012

Honesty in Relationships

What do you want to know?

Honesty In relationships can be a convoluted and yet essential foundational building tool. The old adage, "what he/she doesn't know won't hurt him" suggests and is enforced by societal acceptance that it is not only okay to be dishonest, it is imperative to a relationship. This is inaccurate.

Relationships are built on a foundation of trust and acceptance. If one partner remains intent on honesty while another struggles with constant deception; there is no groundwork for building. Partnerships are made based on the idea that two individuals are coming together with knowledge that neither are perfect. Of course if there is a preconceived notion your partner IS perfect; perhaps you should go back to the dating drawing board. No one is without faults.

The best relationships are those which rely on acceptance and admittance. Almost every major religion and spiritual organization teaches of forgiveness. One cannot forgive without first admitting something and therefore being honest. Another example is when a partner says, "it's better if I don't say anything, it would just hurt them". Yet is it truly better, ultimately to harbor either guilt or resentments? Honesty in a relationship does not have to be such a burden but instead should represent an integral part of your togetherness. Remaining open allows the person you are with to in turn show themselves to you without fear of judgement or attack.

Relationship Advice

Dating Advice...Is Honesty Important to You?

Getting Real About Yourself First

I never took a real look at myself until I met my husband. It was at that time I realized I wanted to be more than I was. At first, I tried to change myself by immolating who he was and drawing on his interests and passions by making them my own. It wasn't until we were married I took a step out of this blissful haze only to realize I had robbed him of truly knowing me.

As marriage turned to having children; my vision became foggy and convoluted. I thought I knew who I was but ultimately, I had lost it somewhere. This gradual change seemed to bother my husband; who in all fairness had remained himself. I was frustrated I had become so malleable that I began to blame him. I treated him as if he were a cult leader who had corrupted me with his ideals. I no longer wanted anything to do with them because, well... I was going to find myself. This created a difficult scenario between us as I would project my own self doubt onto him by belittling his ideas or thoughts. When he would venture off into a philosophical discussion my immediate reaction was to be angry because I no longer had time for that nonsense. While I am still finding myself and I believe people spend their entire lives doing just that; I have come to terms with my choices and have begun a journey inward. My challenge is sharing that journey with my husband and letting him know who I am each day!

There Is nothing more beautiful than a couple who can look each other in the eye and while seeing weaknesses can lovingly acknowledge each other's path in life. Honesty, Integrity, Truthfulness; they are real virtues not to be dismissed lightly.


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    • dagny roth profile image

      dagny roth 8 years ago from Neverland

      Thank you Hawk! I couldn't agree with your Grandfather more. I guess sometimes we have to learn through the hard knocks.

    • Hawkesdream profile image

      Hawkesdream 8 years ago from Cornwall

      It is so easy ti love someone so much ,that you lose your own identity. My grandfather, always told me, ' Unto thine ownself be true, It was not until later in life that I really understood this NOW I live by it.