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Should You Pursue Him? Or Is Pursuit a Bad Game to Begin With?

Updated on March 23, 2022
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Andrea writes on various topics from dating, couples, astrology, weddings, interior design, and gardens. She studied film and writing.

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Rethinking Dating

Should you pursue him or should you wait and let him pursue you? Okay, let’s take fifteen steps backward from this whole “pursuit philosophy” and turn it completely upside down. Our first problem is thinking of relationships in a formulaic way, which can leave you blocked up from the actual goal: being open to love.

Rather than thinking of pursuit, think of energy and chemistry. At the end of the day, romance is about the signals we send, our moods, and our compatibility. This takes work… on both ends. If only one person is taking care of the energy then things aren’t going to work.

Also — and this is really important to keep in mind — what you project into the world is exactly what you’re going to get back. If you want a lively partner who is enthusiastic, then you need to give off those vibes.

We all carry burdens throughout our days, so a relationship is about support, not just selfish desires for sex or status. If it is a properly functioning relationship, your friends, family, and even strangers will see a better version of yourself.

We are like mirrors, so if you have a fireball of love reflecting off someone else and vice versa… you probably have excellent energy with said person, and you should accept this. Pursuit shouldn’t be something that is forced. It should feel natural and organic. Do pursue someone if you’re getting good vibes; don’t pursue someone if they’re not reciprocating by any means.

Should women pursue men or is that only a man's job?

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If you feel like you're vibing with someone that means you feel a sense of enthusiasm when the two of you are together.
If you feel like you're vibing with someone that means you feel a sense of enthusiasm when the two of you are together. | Source

Don’t Fall for Traps

Fair warning: There’s a great deal of garbage out there in reference to relationships. I encourage you to become conscious of your actions, so you can cultivate the best relationship possible for yourself. Yes, pursue something that is worthwhile. No, a pretty face shouldn’t be the only thing you pursue.

We have to fight against the cliche rhetoric we have in romance because ultimately… a great deal of this rhetoric is a reflection of our obsession with materialism. If you’re wanting true love, you’ll have to wake up your senses (your spirituality) while also realizing that love is in your spirit — and not in your finances.

Obviously, our world greatly reflects our love and worship of money, which has mixed itself into everything — including personal relationships. Translation: relationships don't work when they're about status.

Stop worrying about the wrong aspects of a relationship, and consider more so what kind of energy you’re projecting. Ask yourself what you throw into the mix — and be mature and don’t let your anger, insecurities, or sadness be in control. Tell those lesser maids of emotion that they are not your king or queen but that you are fully committed to stronger, more empowering emotions.

If you are calm enough, you can tell a storm of stress to stop… and it will. If you project calmness, it will rub off on your partner, just like if you project anger… it will come right back to you. We are echo machines through and through.

Dating should feel natural, not forced.
Dating should feel natural, not forced. | Source

Be Open to Pursuing Someone

Be conscious of your emotions. Decide which ones are the most mature and use those… and you’ll find yourself having healthier and healthier of relationships.

As for pursuit? Love freely and unconditionally, forgive, and be in the pursuit to reconcile. We are not in a new age where women pursue men… there are various stories of women pursuing men in ancient times.

In fact, many Biblical stories have women pursuing men such as Ruth or Esther. Don’t worry about who is pursuing who so much. Think more so about what energy you are projecting and what energy your love interest projects. In the end, both of you will need to pursue each other at different times. We all have strengths and weaknesses that need to accommodate each other.

What areas in your life do you feel are weak? I suggest considering these areas, so you can find someone who is stronger in them to help take some of the weight off yourself.

Are you a dynamically extroverted soul? Perhaps someone more introverted will help keep you grounded; maybe another extrovert could bring out more of your competitive spirit. What kind of energy do you ideally want to work with and project?

Seek Introspection

At the end of the day… know what you want. Analyze yourself. You don’t need to throw yourself into the dating pool without any considerations. You can make a roadmap for your heart today and skip all the losers.

To first find your soul mate, you’ve got to know yourself. Be real with yourself. Be open to who you are, and then you’ll begin to open your eyes to what makes sense for you… and you know what? There’s more than one possibility, more than one perfect chemistry fit out there — so don’t be afraid of the various combinations.

Listen to your own internal voice. The world wants you to jump naked into a relationship and start having sex from the get-go. This might not be the best plan for a lasting relationship or your own internal self.

Allow things to develop over time; it’s somewhat like baking: if you take the cake out before it’s done… you may end up with a pan of goo. If you sense red flags, take it seriously. Don’t ignore your gut.

If the two of you make each other feel better, if you both enjoy time together, and you can finish each other's sentences — then you probably have a good thing going. Physicality is one thing, but in a healthy relationship, you also need conversations, common ground, common sense, intelligence, and emotional compatibility. (I would say though… if you’re not physically attracted to someone then just let them go.)

If you don’t know how you feel, then I suggest it’s time for some healthy introspection. Try removing noise from your life (this may be literal noise) or the number of social activities you attend. Pull back on your busy schedule; you need rest and self-observation. Write in a journal, keep a calendar, and schedule alone time. Clean your room and throw out things you don’t need, and honestly… learn to love yourself. If you can deeply love yourself, it will be easier to find someone who resonates with you.

P.S. If you don’t like to argue, I have a trick for you. Be objective of the argument in the first place. Pull out and ask yourself if you have to argue. Put a spin on your choice of words— and you’ll escape pointless fights about bananas in microwaves. Focus on being understanding. Consider what emotions you're using. Don’t settle for anger.

© 2013 Andrea Lawrence

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