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Should you Pursue Him? Or is Pursuit a Bad Game to Begin With?

Updated on March 8, 2016
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Andrea writes on various topics from dating, couples, astrology, weddings, interior design, and gardens. She studied film and writing.

Should women pursue men or is that only a man's job?

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Should you pursue him or should you wait and let him pursue you? Okay, let's take fifteen steps backward from this whole "pursuit philosophy" and turn it completely upside down. Our first problem is thinking of relationships only in this formulaic way which can leave you blocked up from the actual goal: being open to love.

Rather than thinking of pursuit, think of energy and chemistry.

At the end of the day, romance is about the signals we send, our moods, and the compatibility. This takes work... on both ends. If only one person is taking care of the energy, well... they're going to collapse.

We all carry burdens throughout our days, so a relationship is about support, not just selfish desires for sex or status. If it is a properly functioning relationship your friends, family, and even strangers will see better versions of who you are. A relationship should bring about the best version of you, maybe not always, but it should definitely be achieved.

We are like mirrors and so if you have a fireball of love reflecting off someone else and vice versa... you probably have excellent energy with said person, and you should accept this.

There's a great deal of garbage out there in reference to relationships. I encourage you to become conscious of your actions as this will bless both your romantic and non-romantic relations. We have to fight against the cliche rhetoric we have in romance because ultimately... a great deal of this rhetoric is a reflection of the god of materialism. If you're wanting true love, you'll have to wake up your greater senses (your spirituality) while also realizing that love is in your spirit -- and not in your finances.

Obviously, our society greatly reflects our love and worship of money, which has mixed itself with our ideas on romance. Stop worrying about the wrong aspects of a relationship, and dig deeper into the energies being projected. Ask yourself what you throw into the mix -- and be mature and don't let your anger, insecurities, or sadness be in control. Tell those lesser maids of emotion that they are not your king or queen, but that you are fully committed to stronger, more empowering emotions. If you are calm enough you can tell a storm to stop... and it will. If you project calmness, it will rub off on your partner, just like if you project anger... it will come right back to you. We are echo machines through and through.

Be conscious of your emotions. Decide which ones are the most mature and use those and you will find yourself having healthier and healthier of relations.

As for pursuit? Love freely and unconditionally, forgive, and be in pursuit to reconcile. We are not in a new age where women pursue men... there are various stories of women pursuing men in ancient times. In fact, many of the Biblical ones have women pursuing men such as Ruth or Esther. Don't worry about it so much. Think more so about what energy you are projecting and what energy your love interest projects. In the end, both of you will need to pursue each other at different times. We all have strengths and weaknesses that need to accommodate each other.

What areas in your life do you feel weak? I suggest considering these areas so you can find someone who is stronger in them to help take some weight off your single self. Are you a dynamically extroverted soul? Perhaps someone more introverted will help keep you grounded; maybe another extrovert could bring out more of your competitiveness. What kind of energy do you ideally want to work with and project?

I'm going to borrow from the Myers Brigg dichotomies of extroversion and introversion, sensing and intuition, thinking and feeling, and perceiving and judging to help make this clear.

  • I for one would prefer someone more introverted in my life, not necessarily socially reclusive, but an extreme extrovert might drain me as I tend to want, desire, and grow in times of introspection.
  • I recognize that my intuition is powerful, and so I need someone who is more grounded in reality otherwise I run into poles, leave my purse in strange places, or have food smeared on my face. I can use my amazing brain to see what is ahead in the future while someone can help me to remember the present, tangible moments.

  • I do lean more on the emotional side, but I have the ability to observe my emotions, be a critical thinker, and ultimately be objective. I prefer those who wear their heart on their sleeve as it tends to make me feel more comfortable expressing myself where someone who may be based too rational I fear may be critical of my emotional expressions.
  • As someone who is a slight judger, I find I enjoy helping those who struggle with making decisions. A stringent schedule and a constant need for organization can put a damper on the mood. I want my partner to help me relax while I can help take care of the more laborious tasks of organization, housekeeping, etc.

At the end of the day... know what you want. Analyze yourself. You don't need to throw yourself into the pool of dating unguided. You can make a roadmap for your heart today and skip all the losers. Dating is trite anyway, again, it's just a materialism scheme.

To first find your soulmate, you've got to know yourself. Be real with yourself. Be open to who you are, and then you'll begin to open your eyes as to what makes sense for you... and you know what? There's more than one possibility, more than one perfect chemistry fit out there -- so don't be afraid of the various different chemistry combinations. I will say... shoot for monogamy. It has the most blessings guaranteed.

Listen to your own internal voice. The world wants you to jump naked into a relationship and start having sex from the get-go. This might not be the best plan for a lasting relationship or your own internal self. Allow things to develop over time; it's somewhat like baking if you take the cake out before it's done... you may end up with just a pan of goo. If you sense red flags before even stepping forward, consider those red flags, and when given the chance discuss those in a respectful manner with the one who has caught your interest. If the two of you make each other feel better, if you both enjoy time together, and you can finish each others sentences -- then you probably have a good thing going. Physicality is one thing, but the cogs behind it all are much more important from conversations, spirituality, intelligence, and emotions. (I would say though... if you're not physically attracted to someone then just let them go.)

If you don't know how you feel, then I suggest it's time for healthy introspection. Try removing noise from your life (this may be literal noise) or the number of social activities you attend, having too busy of a schedule, not enough rest, or not enough self observation. Write in a journal for yourself, keep a calendar and make note of the things you do, clean your room and throw out things you don't need, and honestly... learn to love yourself. If you can deeply love yourself, it will be easier to find someone who also resonates with a love for their own self.

P.S. If you don't like to argue, I have a trick for you. Be objective of the argument in the first place. Pull out and ask yourself what's wrong with the rhetoric. Put a spin on it -- and you'll escape pointless fights about bananas in microwaves. Focus on being understanding. Don't settle for anger.


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