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Should You Agree To An Open Relationship?

Updated on September 22, 2014
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My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

Unless you can completely separate your emotions—sex is sex and nothing more, then having an open relationship is never a good idea. Unfortunately, love can make you do dumb and desperate things, and agreeing to an open relationship is one of them.

An open relationship—is when a guy wants to have the option to date or sleep with other women (and vice versa if you are a women), aka; having your cake and eating it too. Unless you want to set yourself up for heartache, agreeing to this arrangement is usually an emotional disaster ready to happen.

If you are not comfortable with the idea, why agree to having an open relationship—aka: sharing your man, with other women? Don't be a dumb-ass, nothing good will come out of agreeing to this.

As women, we tend to think that if we agree to do whatever a guy wants then we will eventually win his heart. We will sacrifice our needs for his. We will become a "Yes Girl"—becoming someone we are not for him by liking and agreeing to do things we don't necessarily want so that a guy will like us back. And, we will continually make ourselves available for him—not making plans with friends or consistently breaking plans, so when he calls—wanting to see you, you are available. Ridiculous! This can not be further from the truth....all this does is cause disrespect and destroys any chance for a balanced and lasting relationship.

By being desperate and scared of being alone (or possibly dying alone), it will make you choose men who are obviously not right for you. Choosing men who are not right for you, sets you up for becoming their sex genie—whatever a guy wishes is his command. Threesomes, having you be his booty call, or agreeing to an open relationship—that you have no desire to participating in since all you (think you) want his him.

A guy who has this control over you—let's be honest, a power that you have given him, doesn't stop at three wishes. He will start to control the relationship on all levels, making you believe that you will never find this type of love again, which is bunch of crap because you will, as long as you allow your heart to remain open to the possibility.

Desperation makes it easier for a guy to talk you into things that you might not fully be comfortable with—threesomes, open relationships, etc. A guy who truly cares about you and sees a future with you, is not going to want to to share you. Period.

In many situations, an "open relationship" is one-sided. He's pronouncing to other women that he is in an open relationship, but you are unaware—until he gets caught.

Personally, I have never understood the point of an open relationship. If you need to explore other options then be single or just date versus being in a "relationship" where you have the "permission" to sleep around.

A friend was telling me how she started dating a guy who worked hard at sweeping her off her feet—they spent every weekend together, he planned dates from start to finish. She was in love, and after several months they became exclusive—or so she thought, until she heard that her so-called boyfriend was seen out in an intimate setting with another woman. When she confronted him, he told her that he thought they discussed being in a open relationship. They definitely did not. His excuse, "I've never been able to be a one woman type of guy?" Why ask her to be exclusive if you know that you are not the monogamous type?

If you are dating and want to continue seeing other people, and you have talked openly and been clear with everyone else you're dating, that's one thing, and completely different from having an open relationship. However, it's frankly insulting to have a guy tell you that he wants you to be his girlfriend, but he wants to keep his options open. A guy like this is selfish and doesn't deserve your time. Why should he have his cake and eat it too, and why should you let him? Have respect for yourself. You deserve the whole package....the fairy tale.

Why, would you ever want to give a guy a free pass to cheat? Even more importantly, why would you wait around for him to see if another women comes along who is a better fit for him than you? Hmmm. No thank you. More importantly, why would you want to be with a guy who doesn't see you as enough or wants to devote his time and energy in you and only you?

I have another friend who had reunited with her ex-boyfriend, in an attempt to have a second chance at a successful relationship. She was thrilled because she was still in love with him, and had been hoping that one day they would reunite and share a happy and healthy life together. Well, it wasn't that simple. This time around, in order to be with him, she was asked to agree to an open relationship—which reluctantly, she did. Her reasoning was, by agreeing to do this, he would one day realize that they were truly meant to be together. Nice thought in theory. However, this was not something she wanted at all. She wanted only to be with this man who she loved so deeply, and have him feel the same about her in return. During this new added agreement, she found herself to be insecure, jealous, worried and constantly questioning his actions—where he was and who he was with—when they were not together, and who he was on the phone with—every time they were together. Yikes!

Having a guy ask if you would be ok with an open relationship only works if you both fully agree and are open to that type of relationship—equally dating/sleeping with other people. If you are not wanting to date any other men, an open relationship would never work, causing a lot of unnecessary emotional damage.

Ladies, going from exclusive dating to having an "anything goes" relationship is just plain dumb. The guy you choose to be with should only want to be with you. If he can't, then he is not the right guy, so move on. You should not have to sacrifice your morals or what you want to please any man. Be open to communicate what you feel comfortable with and what you do not. If not being in an open relationship means not being with him....openly walk away.


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