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Should You Change Your Career For Him?

Updated on June 22, 2015
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

Finding a career that you're passionate about is already hard enough. Having a man who doesn’t support your career or wants you to change what you do is even worse.

Not everyone knows what they want to do with their life at a young age—and if they do, many times this vision changes as they grow and develop. If you have known what you wanted to do with your life since you were little and have stuck with it—bravo...that's amazing! For many women, like myself, this career deciding passion developed later in life. Regardless of when you figured out your true passion—the thing that makes you feel happy and complete—should that be given up for a man because he's insecure or not happy with what you're doing?

Being truly passionate about something that you love to do with every ounce of your being is like having an orgasm that fills you up completely—sending tingles from your head all the way down to your toes. Once you have this fulfilling feeling the thought of giving it up sounds foreign and frankly ridiculous since it's a big part of what makes you who you are.

As much as I'm a huge romantic and get giddy when I watch romantic comedies—seeing couples who have been pining for each other finally get together—I'm also a realist.

There are no guarantees in life or relationships—even marriages are not guaranteed to last. Life happens, so why would you give up a career you love for the chance—which is not guaranteed—that you will be with that person forever? Do you honestly believe that you can solely be one hundred percent happy just putting all your time and energy into a relationship? Will you feel complete when you’re not working or perhaps just having a mediocre job?

You can enter a relationship fully ecstatic—claiming that you have found "the one"—and then months or years later things end due to poor communication and lack of compassion and understanding. Many couples end up falling out of love or give up and stop making an effort. Although it's easier to stay in la-la land and believe that only happily-ever-after exists once you say "I do," that's completely unrealistic. Relationships take work and many couples are unwilling to put in the work to make a relationship last. On the other side, (not to be morbid) people die—men statistically have shorter lifespans than women. Again, I'm not cynical, I'm just realistic. If you give up a career for a man and the relationship doesn't work out—years have passed—what then?

How often do men give up a career they are passionate about for a woman? Not often... so rare you hardly ever hear about it, right?

A relationship that is based on love and not control will work out regardless of what your career is. A man who really loves you will love you for you and your passions that make you who you are. I truly believe there is someone for everyone, and that person who is right for you isn't going to require you to prioritize them over your career, especially if it's something you absolutely love.

Writing for me was a gift I have always had, but I was so busy chasing "society" approved jobs that I ignored my true gift. As with all passions, the universe eventually makes room for it to happen—if you pay attention. Being a writer (who writes about men) has been challenging when it comes to finding lasting love. I have met many men who claim that they are secure dating me knowing that I write, however they end up getting insecure and assume that every article is about them—apparently I must attract a lot of narcissistic men!

Most articles I write are written in advance in case I get writer’s block (yes that does exist), which gives me an archive of articles to sift through when I need one. When I'm dating a guy I let him know this pertinent information, as well as the fact that many of my ideas are inspired by my friends’ experiences as well. Regardless, this so called "secure" feeling that the men I have dated claimed to have in the beginning starts to dissipate the second they read one of my articles—especially one that is published while we are dating—assuming (without asking or talking to me first) that the article(s) are about them. A little vain.

I have had more men get upset before talking to me first because their assumptions (aka egos) have gone to their heads, taking over all sense of rationality and making them insecure and upset for no reason.

First of all, I never use any names of the men I’ve had relationships with in my articles. My articles are not to bash the men I have dated. My articles are to share what I (and my friends) have experienced—so that other women don't think they are alone if the same or similar situation has happened to them. Secondly, if I've written about a situation, I have already discussed the issue with the man (although my articles can be a combination of more than one guy) that the topic was inspired by…unless the relationship ended badly and I didn't get to communicate my thoughts or he was too immature to listen. I don't need to hide behind an article. I definitely don't have a problem speaking my mind to a guy.

I dated one man who told me that he loved that I was a writer—he found it sexy. Months passed and I guess the sex appeal he felt with me being a writer went with it. He became insure quickly, reading and dissecting every article I wrote—even ones that were published months before dating him. When he had the nerve to ask me to choose him over writing...well you can guess which one I chose.

I love writing—I feel complete, happy, fulfilled and full of love every time I write. I have never felt this feeling in entirety with anything else in my life and I would never give that up for any man. The man who is meant to be in my life long term will need to be confident—really confident, not one who just claims he is. Confident in our relationship, confident that when I write it's usually about more than one guy at a time. And confident that he can be my muse if needed and not get his briefs in a bunch. He also needs to be a great communicator and have adult conversations—not accusatory ones—and trust in me and our relationship. If things are going great, know that instead of questioning my articles.

Ladies, having a career of your own is extremely important and no man should make you feel differently or expect you to give it up for him. You should be with a man who accepts and supports what you are passionate about because it's who you ultimately are. Secure women often attract insecure who you want to be. It's not your job to change for his ego, you have better things to do!

P.S. If you enjoy my writing, please help me become more known by clicking on the links above—Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn, and following me here on HubPages. I appreciate it! Sending you light and love! ;)


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    • Miss-Adventures profile imageAUTHOR

      Stephanie Bailey 

      5 years ago from Denver

      Thank you Mary RB and thank you so much for reading!

    • profile image

      Mary RB 

      5 years ago

      Very insightful article containing information women should seriously consider when asked to give up a career.


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