- Gender and Relationships
Should You Google Him Before Dating?
Trust needs to be built....
A guy you are attracted to has asked you out and since it's hard to contain your excitement the thought of researching—to make sure he is who he claims—doesn't cross your mind...but should it?
Often as women we are far too trusting. If a guy is good looking, drives a nice car, and has a great job then he must be of good standing...right? Don't be naive ladies, it's important to not read a book by its cover. Just because you find a guy attractive doesn't mean that he isn't capable of hurting or sexually assaulting you. I know that sounds harsh, but it's true. Think about it, Ted Bundy was an attractive man, who had a great job and all his friends, family and neighbors were shocked to find out he was a serial killer. He used his looks to be able to attract women in order to kill them. Although the likelihood of you coming across or dating a serial killer might be slim, it doesn't mean that your safety should be ignored just because a guy is attractive.
If you are like me, background checks have never been my strong suit so I have never taken the time to Google men before I dated them. Fortunately for me, I have many close friends that will research men I am interested in dating—even if I don't ask them to. It is shocking the information that my friends have found out—not only for myself but for men they have also dated.
Although you can Google a guy with just his first name and occupation, be diligent and ask him the right questions so that you have enough information about him for an accurate and successful search. This is especially important if he has a fairly common name. Also, make sure you find a photo of him during your search that matches the name he has given you.
Important details to know about him for your search:
- His first and last name
- His entire birthday: month, day and year
- His age (in case he doesn't give you his birthday information)
- Where he was born
- What area he currently lives in
- Names of any sibling
- What his job is: where he works
The good thing about having a smart phone—if you are great at googling, then you can Google a guy while you're in the ladies room before you decide to give him your phone number. Trust me, you might be surprised at what you find.
Through Google searches my friends have found:
1. Men who have lead double lives—they either were still married when they said that they were divorced or claimed that they were never married but had a wife and children.
2. Men who had felony charges.
3. Men who had domestic, assault or stalking charges, etc.
4. Men who have lied about where they work.
5. Men who have lied about their last names.
6. Men who have lied about basic family information.
7. Men who have lied about their age.
I get that the more you know someone the more information about themselves they are open to sharing, but there are some men who aren't open to sharing at all or who are OK with blatantly lying so that they can deceit you. And even if you're not concerned with the possibility of being physically harmed, what about your heart being emotionally scarred?
When you meet a guy it's understandable that you don't want to think the worst about him, nor should you, however googling is a way to protect you. Obviously googling is not fool proof so also rely on your instincts. Too often when a guy has lied to us we will sweep it under the rug and give him another chance. Hmmm...If a guy can find it easy to lie about something so simple as his last name or age, or the fact that he has children, what else is he could be hiding?
Romantic comedy movies give this notion that when a guy ends up lying it's not a big deal as long as he loves you and wants to be with you. That's a bunch of crap. The basis of any lasting relationship is trust. Even if you're not happy with what a guy shares with you about himself and his past, you should still be the one to make the decision—based on what you know—if you still want to continue dating him.
Some lies can be harmless while other lies are not...
I went on a date with a guy who looked me in the eyes and swore that he was not married and had never been married before. Since I had no proof to counter what he said I believed him and dating him. Why wouldn't I? He never acted odd when his phone would ring or when he would receive text messages. He also made time to see me and call me and was planning a romantic trip to take me on. Thank God my friend decided to Google him (before I slept with him). It turned out that he did have a wife and kids who lived in another state and from his recent Facebook photos at the time, he was "happily married." Needless to say, in the blink of an eye I ended the relationship.
Sometimes, when you Google a guy, you find out that he has an inability to be monogamous, however, sometimes it's even more serious than that...
My friend met a guy at a bar who was not only very sexy but dressed to fit the part. He was charming, funny and there was an instant chemistry between them. My friend normally would Google a guy before dating him but she didn't right away—convincing herself that there wasn't any reason to with this guy. But, after a second date her inner voice told her that she should research him—still convincing herself that she wouldn't find anything but it was better to still check. Well, she was wrong. She found out that he had been in jail several times for assaulting women. Yikes!
Ladies, the hope is that your instincts are always correct, but let's be real, a charming, good looking, successful man can blind them. I have dated a lot of men and like I said, there are men who have pulled the wool over my eyes in the past and I think I'm a smart intuitive woman. Don't just rely on your intuition, be smart, protect yourself, and never let a guy know where you live or work until you know he is who Google says he is.