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Single @ Thirty?

Updated on March 13, 2019
Jade Anibor profile image

I am a fulfilled single thirty year old writer. A relationship expert and an Author that has successfully published four romantic Ebooks.

Single @ thirty?

What are the things that comes to your mind when you see a thirty year old single lady? Amazing? Talented? Submissive? Angry? Unhappy? Lost? Do you feel single women are misplaced and has lost her shelve life as some put it? Well let me explain what single at thirty means.

A woman who is not yet married at the age of thirty, even if she has a boyfriend or fiancé is still considered single and certainly unmarried. And it also means she is frustrated and lonely, and has gotten to a stage were it is most difficult for her to get a suitable spouse or ever find one. Almost everyone looks at her as unfortunate and is being mocked for being single. Bachelors sees her as a desperado and their aim is to use her like they "assume" the others have. Married women see them as a potential threat to their husbands, and society thinks these women are irresponsible.

How can you rise above the odds?

You attract what you are. If you accept you are frustrated and lonely, frustration and loneliness will always be your companion.

You are in the best position to inform peoples of who and what you are.

You are in control of your happiness and in charge of your success.

Everyone is entitled to his of her opinion; an opinion doesn't make you, remember it is theirs.

Remain young at heart, while you mature in age.

Make the rules, increase your knowledge and let them envy your self-control

How can you be fulfilled at thirty.

Do what you love doing: Ask yourself, what do you love doing? Writing, singing, marketing, business, exercising, etc. Whatever it is you love doing, turn it into a creative hobby, engage it it regularly and let it keep you business.

Improve your career: If you don't have one yet, get one. A career adds to your fulfilment and self respect. You do not have to spend money to get this started; all you need is self development. Do lots of research and increase your interest on your desired field.

Build your self-esteem: This is something you have to do from within. A perfect figure, a beautiful face, or a prosperous career can not give you this. That's why the saying goes: sometimes a beautiful woman doesn't know her worth. So what you need to do, is to know your value, weigh it, appreciate it and tell it. You are a woman that demands respect for her values, those values you have kept and nurtured. You need to believe you are worth the peals and diamonds and the air around you, needs to breathe it too.

Be happy: A happy woman is not one who is married or single. A happy woman is one who radiates in and out no matter the ups and downs. A happy woman is one who doesn't look down on anyone, who doesn't feel she needs to be with someone to be happy, one who has cultivated lots beautiful qualities and is just so contented with herself. A happy woman is someone who will never allow herself to be deliberately hurt just to be married. A happy woman is loving and smart, and a treasure only real men can handle.

Single at thirty is a plus.

A good woman is determined not from her age but her character.

Enjoy being single while it lasts. It is a memorable phase you don't want to waste being desperate, dying and wishing you were married.

Love yourself. You cannot give what you do not have. Love you, love your age, love your status, your achievements and accomplishments.

Being single at thirty is a plus because you have an added knowledge on the kind of mate you deserve and the kind of marriage you need.

Get it right

I have been in relationships when I was in my twenties. Those relationships didn't work out and at that moment I felt disappointed. But funny enough, I ended those relationships because I felt it wasn't what I needed. It was glaring I deserved better and I was not going to sacrifice my happiness and that of the other person just to be married.

Today, I look back at those men I loved, and some I should have loved, and I feel so happy that I never got married to any of them. Why you may ask? The answer is simply. I am now so mature and way past the desperate stage where every young girl between the ages of twenty five to twenty nine finds herself. That stage is so hard that you are just tempted to blind your eyes to potential dangers just for the sake of getting married.

Being single doesn't mean you are lonely. Some married ones are lonely too. The worst kind of loneliness is being in a terrible marriage. You just need to understand the difference between being lonely and being alone without a mate. There is a lot I did and have done to keep busy, and successful. I applied all those tips I mentioned earlier and I have built my career and self esteem.

You have to understand why you are single. You need to get the facts right so you don't allow society's views of desperation, loneliness, and frustration affect your thinking. You are not a bad person, you are not unlovable, you are not a heartbreaker, and you have every right to be choosy because both of your happiness matters.


What your mind should say.

 
 
 
Do not be angry at yourself.
When you make a decision in an angry state, you are most likely to fail.
Always be happy with yourself. Your flaws, mistakes,experiences and joys should be treasured. You don't live being single thirty twice remember.
Set your rules and live by them.
Uphold right principles and set your limits. Never be intimidated by love. Let love bow before you.
No one should make you inferior. You are not an item, neither are you up for sale, so you don't need packaging.
Understand your situation.
You are single not dead.
There is more to living: find it.
Be an eventful single thirty year old!

Give them a reason to envy being single

Few are the worries of a single woman, so be more creative.

When you become desperate, you act as if your life is coming to an end.

Unhappy people always want to put others down: tell that to unhealthy talkers.

There is more confidence in being self made before marriage.

Get a life, live your life and not others.

Break the ice.

I am Jade George Anibor. I am an undergraduate studying English language part-time. I am an author of four Ebooks and a motivational speaker. I have counselled both married and singles concerning love and relationships, building their self esteem and finding their part once again.

My desire is to soon publish a book entitled single @ thirty. It is not going to be a biography though, but a fictional story of a young single thirty year old lady and her huddles. Am certain almost every young girl will find a piece of herself in it, and learn a lot from the character.

Being single up till now has enabled me accomplish a lot! Ranging from my personality, to my abilities as an individual. I have learned to understand life and live it being happy. The fact is no one can actually make you happy, only you can do that. So if you don't start now while you are single to embrace happiness and be genuinely happy from within for being alive and love you for you, you will never be truly happy with someone else.

There is this ice in everyone because our needs are insatiable. There is always this coldness in us that knocks us down, and we feel we need someone to keep us warm because of that. The truth is we don't need to continue to use people to keep us warm. All we need do, is break the ice. Stop being unsatisfied, stop needing something that is not in you, build up what's in you and love yourself. You would be amazed at how much you have to offer yourself.

Break the ice

Single @ thirty is not a bad idea.

Why should thirty be a dreaded number? Why does it appear as a dead end to friends, family and onlooker's? Who set that pattern? And why is there an evil ward ever present to whip the single thirty year olds. I have tasted thirty and single and I love it! You can love it too.

First, how do we handle our friends? There will always be this question that goes this way: Any gist? What's happening? And when you begin to gist them about your career, they give you a deaf ear like what you saying is nonsense. Do not let that irritate you, or make you sober. Just redirect their question to them. Put simply; ask them to give you the gist, that they are the ones with the gist. And when their reply comes out like; what gist, has my story not ended? Tell them it hasn't. Every stage in life has a story, even old age has a story.

Secondly, your family members should be be the easiest to handle. Do you know why? They can really see your success, how wonderfully you have grown, and how much you now value, appreciate and love yourself. Trust me, they will not want anything to ruin that. They will encourage you and help in encouraging you to make the right decision, when you are about to settle with someone.

Thirdly, onlookers should be kept where they already are. Keep them at the other side of the team as onlookers observing your success, your triumph, your achieved ambitions. They only have a say when you let them.

Go out to meet well meaning people and have health fun. There is no clock for love. Love is simply the oldest of all. Ageless with no time table. Do not see every bachelor as a potential mate. Do not plan your wedding alone in your mind. Remember, most times the things we love most, also breaks us.

You are thirty, you are single, you are successful, you are brilliant, you are beautiful, your are mature, you are a responsible citizen, you are simply the best.

© 2019 Jade George Anibor

Comments

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    • Jade Anibor profile imageAUTHOR

      Jade George Anibor 

      5 weeks ago from Nigeria, Lagos Lekki Ajah.

      Thanks Dr Adeyinka my good friend!

    • Jade Anibor profile imageAUTHOR

      Jade George Anibor 

      5 weeks ago from Nigeria, Lagos Lekki Ajah.

      Thank you Ajirioghene

    • profile image

      Ajirioghene 

      5 weeks ago

      Nice piece

    • Jade Anibor profile imageAUTHOR

      Jade George Anibor 

      5 weeks ago from Nigeria, Lagos Lekki Ajah.

      Thanks a lot Dr Adeyinka

    • profile image

      Dr Adeyinka 

      5 weeks ago

      Jade, my friend....You are a very good writer... May you continue to use your gift of singleness to impact positively on people's lives and prevent a lot of single ones from suffering from depression.

    • Jade Anibor profile imageAUTHOR

      Jade George Anibor 

      5 weeks ago from Nigeria, Lagos Lekki Ajah.

      Thanks dashingscorpio.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      5 weeks ago

      Great advice!

      Being "single" is not a disease!

      In the U.S. many people don't get married until they are in their early to mid-thirties. Some people get married in their 40s and 50s. Truth be told it's never too late to get married if that's one's life goal.

      The only people who stress out about not being married are those who on some level still believe in the "fairytale".

      As you point out not everyone who is married is "happy"! A lot of people in relationships and marriages look back (fondly) on their "single days" and many wish they could turn back the clock.

      "The grass is always greener on the side you water."

      - Neil Barringham

      These days marriage is a lifestyle choice and not a requirement to be happy. If you live with or have ever lived with your significant other you pretty much have experienced what it feels like to be married!

      The only thing you missed out on was the pomp and circumstance of having a "wedding day" and possibly a vacation titled "honeymoon".

      With a divorce rate of almost 50%, sexless marriages, high infidelity rates, and toxic/abusive relationships/marriages it's no surprise there are some people who (choose) to be "free" over being "attached".

      Then there are others who marry, divorce, marry again, and so on! Just about everyone knows of a person married three times. Clearly if finding a spouse was so difficult that would be real rare!

      Finding someone willing to marry you is not rocket science. What keeps most people from getting married is holding onto the "fairytale" of finding the "perfect person" who meets ALL of their requirements.

      Whether or not we realize it we EXCLUDE billions of people sight unseen! If a white woman said her spouse must also be white she probably just eliminated 5 Billion people! If she said her mate must also live in the U.S. she just eliminated 6.7 Billion people and all of this is before we get to personal items like height, weight, education, income, religious beliefs... Some won't consider divorced people.

      In the case of many women they would never "propose" to the person THEY (want to marry). They would rather suffer in silence or give an ultimatum before asking for what THEY want. Foolish pride.

      If it's not worth asking for it's not worth having.

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