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Single again: Why your relationship ended

Updated on April 17, 2016
Zahra T Amin profile image

Zahra is currently studying BBA. She is a part-time writer and a friend you can always count on to talk about relationship issues.

If being single doesn't feel right (or should I say depressing) after a long term relationship then continue reading. I have been in a relationship for 2 years and being single again after a sudden and uncomfortable break up felt somewhat strange and got a lasting effect on me. If your partner and you were very much interested in eachother and somehow that changed through out time and you just cannot seem to figure out the reason why then keep reading. If your partner or you broke up and you just cannot seem to find the reason why other than your intuition told you to do so then you might be wrong about that. Good reasons doesn't have to be because he/she cheated on you. Here are the other good reasons that I have come across:

You are someone else with him

This happened to me when I first started dating. I was the shy and quiet type for which I was always worried about not looking goofy and weird infront of my date. But this was not the case when I was around my friends and family; I was comfortable funny and usually the one to bring everyone together. My date never saw that side of me and neither could I be myself with him (early teenage insecurities of what he might think).

Sometimes it can start from attempting desperate ways to making your crush like you back (I remember a friend doing that) who soon might have become your boyfriend. Such approach might seem harmless at first but it affects your relationship if in case it becomes a serious one. The only advice I have here is try staying as true as possible so that you don't have to act like someone else with him and another with the rest of the world.

You two have too much in common

I don't know about others but it will surely freak me out if my boyfriend acts like me and has the same likes and dislikes as I do. I mean you have your best friend for that. He might also become your rival (which is the last thing you wish) if you two share the same career. You DO NOT want competitions with him all the time.

You might disagree with me and find it cute but don't you think you are in a way dating yourself? If everything matched with him you won't have those fights that couple actually need sometimes in order to grow and accept eachother's differences and flaws. You won't grow as a person because there is nothing different you could learn from him or admire. You are looking at your own reflection. These fights that arise from having differences actually strengthen that emotional connection or as I like to call fall in love with him all over again.

An Introvert

Let's say an introvert is a turtle that always has it's shell to hide under whenever it wants and an extrovert is your social butterfly ready to go out. An introvert is likely to stay quiet and not engage in conversation no matter how well they know the person. They are not shy. It's just the way they like to stay; quiet and alone. If you are entirely an introvert it might be a potential reason to why your relationship ended. You might be giving your partner wrong ideas like you are not interested in him or you don't enjoy going out with him whereas the truth is nowhere close to that.

Remember relationships are build on sharing personal stuff and spending quality time doing dual activities. And being an introvert might damage your relationship.

The relationship changed you (and your goals)

Have you ever felt that you and your goals drifted away somewhere, especially after you got into a relationship? I say love is not enough to have a healthy relationship with him. Along with love you need respect, communication and understanding. If he does not support, understand and respect the goals and dreams that you got then you have put yourself in a possible unhealthy and unhappy relationship.

It's about time that you get your head in the game as your true happiness lies in what you achieve. If he truly loves you he will support you.

Don't you ever regret choosing your dreams over him.

Maybe you left him because he was annoying

You deserve better and you know it

I have to be honest that no matter what it is hard to get over that relationship you thought would last or end up in marriage. If you tried your best to be there for him, support him and love him then you have done your role well enough. If you are meant to be with someone it will happen. You don't have to look for love. Love is all around you in different forms. If you have friends and family around you who love you or a pet that loves every moment spent with you then don't waste your precious time thinking about the relationship that was never meant for you. You might deserve far more better and when the right time comes you'll know it.

© 2016 Zahra Amin

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    • Zahra T Amin profile image
      Author

      Zahra Amin 17 months ago

      Thank you for taking the time to read my article. I have wrote it from my personal experience and observations. I am still young and have so much to learn from my personal journey i.e life. I'm glad I read your comment as I have not thought about it deeply as you did.

      Thank you! :D

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 17 months ago

      Some very interesting insight!

      Number one is especially true if you are not being your "authentic self" when you are with them it's impossible to sustain happiness.

      Learning to "go along to get along" will kill your spirit.

      However I disagree with your following statement:

      "I don't know about others but it will surely freak me out if my boyfriend acts like me and has the same likes and dislikes as I do."

      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!

      The number one cause for divorce is (choosing the wrong mate).

      The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things that you do for the relationship, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.

      Those people who say they "won't grow" if they are with someone who does not "challenge them" apparently don't have enough interaction with other friends, co-workers, and competitors in their careers.

      Unlike Hollywood movies your mate's job isn't to "complete you".

      Ideally when you come home you find (harmony) and not drama.

      If your mate doesn't have the same values or want the same things that you do then he/she is not the "right" person for you.

      People who naturally get along, want the same things, and enjoy each other's company tend to be happier and stay together. Who knew?!

      Lastly everyone evolves/changes over time alone or in a relationship.

      Life is a (personal) journey.

      Each of us gets to (choose) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      You can't blame your mate for (you) changing your goals.

      That's like an overweight person blaming their fork for their weight gain!

      One is always presented with the option to say (yes) or (no).

      Our lives are the end result of the choices (we) have made.

      The world may not owe you anything but (you) owe yourself the world!