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Smooth Pick-up Lines for Big Fat Slobs to Use

Updated on July 7, 2010

Big Fat Slobs Need Love, Too!

Here are some original, pick-up lines by Jon that big, fat, slobs can use to try to get women. Good luck!

As you can probably guess I’m not great in the sack, but if I sit on your Honda the right way I think I can pop that dent out.

It’s true, most obese guys sweat like crazy. But you’ll be happy to know that I only sweat from the waist down.

Hey, would you like to come home with me and count my chins?

Don’t think of me as a potential boyfriend. Think of me as your own, personal bounce house.

Well, the upside of hanging out with me is that you’ll look great all the time.

Will you be my Ahab?

Say, would you like to come over to my place and compare boobs?

I’m going to be perfectly honest, my goal is to have sex with you before you see me in swim trunks.

There’s a new all you can eat buffet opening next week. What are you doing Saturday between 11:00 AM and 10:00 PM?

Do you think it would be cool if a guy could put, like, two pounds of spare change in his butt crack? Just asking…

I know, I know. I’m even better looking in person than I am on my driver’s license picture.

Look, I don’t know if you are even remotely interested in me. If you are, that’s great. If not, are you going to finish those fries?

I’m just an overweight, single white male seeking a cute girl with poor vision, really low standards and a secret birth defect.

In the U.K. I’m only about 24 stone. Do you want to work on the stone to pound  conversation over drinks and some Pop Tarts?

Do you like guys with love handles? Then you’re gonna love me. I have side curtain air bags.

Let’s cut to the chase. I’m fat and ugly and you’re stunningly beautiful. I can’t get a date and you have guys hanging all over you. I have to use a stepladder to tie my shoes and you make those size 2 jeans look like they are painted on. I have some very incriminating pictures of you with a monkey, a chandelier, a two liter bottle of Coke and some Mentos, you have a date with me this Saturday at 7:00 o’clock.

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