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Does Your Marriage Need Help?
If you are reading this article, chances are your currently are having troubles in your marriage and already feel like the marriage needs help. You may just want to know ways of recapturing the magic you once enjoyed in your marriage before it is too late or you are at the end of your tether and are desperate for help. Whatever your marriage situation, you can get the help you need!
I've come up with five questions to ask to help you decide if your marriage needs help. These were the questions I asked myself when I was first considering a divorce. By asking these questions, I realised that I had not always shown my love for my husband in the ways I did before we got married. I decided to get help for my marriage and to give you hope, we are still very happily married.
Is My Spouse Still My Best Friend?
When you are dating, your spouse becomes your best friend, the one you tell everything to. Your spouse, especially when you are married, is the one person who sees you as you really are - "warts and all" as they say. You spouse is the one person in the world you need to be your best friend.
In answering this question, think about how you talk with your closest friend of the same gender you are. Do you tell them things you do NOT tell your spouse? Do you want to share things with your spouse or do you have secrets from them? Is your spouse the first person you look at when something funny happens, to see if they are sharing the joke with you? Can you laugh with your spouse as well as cry with them, like you can with your closest friends?
My Helpful Resources
- Marriage advice and information to help with your relationship | The Marriage Conversation
Dr Stephen Frueh, acclaimed marriage coach shares his insights into the marriage conversation – a new paradigm and a creative approach to marriage that helps couples rethink and re-imagine their relationship.
Do We Still Communicate With Each Other?
This question is somewhat similar to the first one, but communication is such an important feature of any happy marriage, it is worth solid consideration. Communication is more than just sharing things in common with someone and laughing with them. It also encompasses how you settle disagreements and arguments too.
When was the last time you sat down and had a ‘heart to heart' with your spouse? When you have a disagreement about something, can you talk about the issue and work together to get a resolution, or does it just end up as a screaming match? If you want your spouse to do something for you, how do you communicate your wish to them? Do you just hope they will know by osmosis what you want, or do you actually tell them? (By the way, you are much more likely to get what you want when you ask nicely, as part of a conversation, rather than nagging at them!)
When Was The Last Time I Felt Happy In My Marriage?
Answering this question honestly, can do two things to help your marriage. Firstly, by considering a time when you did feel happy in your marriage, you can start to think about why you feel differently now and why you think your marriage needs help. You can start to think about why things started to go bad and maybe even pinpoint when things went wrong in your marriage.
What was it that made you happy at that time? Is it something that is still part of your marriage but you forgot about it because you have been focusing on the negative parts, or is it something that has changed? If it has changed, why has it changed?
You should also consider the question, when was the last time my spouse was happy in the marriage?
When Was The Last Time I Told My Spouse They Were Wonderful?
Compliments always make us feel great, especially when they are from someone we love. However, in the day to day busy-ness of daily life, we often forget to tell the one we love how much we appreciate them. If you have gotten out of the habit of telling your spouse ‘thank you' for doing something for you (taking out the trash, making dinner, etc), try it again!
This may be hard if you are not used to it or especially, if you are feeling unappreciated at the moment. Remembering to share your appreciation with your spouse can definitely help your marriage. We all like to know we are appreciated!
When Was The Last Time I Did Something Just For My Spouse?
Marriage is about putting our spouse before ourselves but we often forget this and focus on what they are doing for us. Ask yourself, when was the last time you did something or gave something to your spouse that may have been hard for you, but you knew would make your spouse happy? If your marriage needs help, you may not even remember the last time you wanted to make your spouse happy, let alone did anything about it!
So, Does Your Marriage Need Help?
If any of these questions have been difficult to answer, your marriage definitely needs some help! If you found you were answering these questions with resounding negatives, your marriage does need help! Hopefully, just starting to think about these questions will help your marriage get back on track.