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Spotting Infidelity In A Relationship

Updated on June 9, 2011

Tell Tale Signs

Sadly, statistics show 35% - 40% of women and 40% - 50% of men cheat on their significant other. The question is, how to prove it and then what to do if it is proven. There are certain tell tale signs that may indicate something is amiss in a relationship.

However, these signs of a possible affair are only general indications a person might be having a clandestine affair. They don’t prove conclusively someone is. Therefore, instead of making accusations because one or more indicators are noticed, gather information first.

What are the best ways to do this? You could hire a private investigator. That way, your suspicions could be confirmed without the suspected party ever knowing they were being spied upon. But, be sure to hire a professional, who is qualified and discreet.

But, what if you can’t afford the services of a private investigator? There are things you can do yourself to catch a cheating partner. If you’re married, you could acquire a copy of your spouse’s cell phone statement simply by contacting the phone company.


Upon receipt of this document, check the phone numbers, location and times calls were made or received and how long the conversations were. You can do the same thing with credit card statements if you’re on the account. Were motel rooms, flowers, dinners or gifts charged to the card? If so, discreetly ask questions in casual conversation. Sometimes, discrepancies might appear in their explanations.

Another thing you can do is to monitor the speedometer on their vehicle. Keep a record of mileage, noting a suspicious increase in miles traveled outside of their regular routine. Or you can check to see if they are actually at places they claim to be at. For instance, if they say they are working late, simply drive by to see if their car is at the designated place of employment. If not, the next time the deceptive ploy is used, leave earlier and observe from a distance to see where they actually go.

Spy Cams

Some people have used spy cams to record proof positive infidelity has occurred. There are many companies manufacturing cleverly disguised cameras in such common place items as soda cans, stuffed animals and other nondescript things.

Infidelity isn’t easy to research. Most people don’t like to admit they are having an affair. One poll showed only a small percentage of spouses cheat. However, amusingly, the people interviewed had their spouses with them.

In some cases results of infidelity studies sometimes depends on how they are conducted. For instance, some researchers queried women using face-to-face interviews and another survey using an anonymous questionnaire. In the face-to-face study, 1 percent said they'd cheated. But the anonymous one evidenced 6 percent.

But what is the definition of infidelity? Many say it’s having sex outside of marriage. The issue is further complicated by questions about marital separations, open marriages or gay flings. Also the question of does cheating require intercourse, arises. Is oral sex cheating? What about cybersex?

There are as many reasons people give about their cheating as there are questions of why. Is it our culture? In American culture, men having multiple sex partners are often seen as macho, while in contrast women are presented as cheap trash.

As stated earlier, just because someone is giving off signals they may be unfaithful, doesn’t mean they are. Take for instance, a man who seems to have lost interest in sex. You might assume he is having a sexual encounter with someone else. But is that the case? Many men on certain medications such as antidepressants have a lower sex drive because of them. Other unhealthy conditions, like diabetes has a tremendous dampening effect on a persons’ sex drive. Facts like these must be taken into consideration before jumping to conclusions.

Among elderly people a common defense is use of erectile dysfunction medications. But this excuse doesn’t fly. Research has shown in actuality only about 10 percent of males 50 and older have even used these medications.

Could increasing infidelity rates be due to the fact more women are working which provides men with the excuse their partners are too tired when returning from the salt mines? Also, wouldn’t working provide women with more opportunities to cheat? It might, but women already had plenty of opportunities for extramarital sex by daily encounters with repairmen, mailmen etc.

Most affairs do not start out with candid statements like, "my husband is on a business trip". When someone makes a statement like this it usually means something has already gone wrong with a relationship.

Here are a few situations that can lead to infidelity. Conversations only dealing with household financial situations and failure to discuss problems openly can lead to unresolved conflicts, creating a desire for other companionship.

If career and home responsibilities are taking away your quality time together, schedule some recreational activities and hold to it. In addition, the demands at work, sick children and different interests are also problems that can keep people apart. The more time spent away, the more a relationship is apt to drift apart.

If you find your relationship is in trouble and you desire to save it, seeing a qualified counselor could be of help.


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    • JY3502 profile image

      John Young 7 years ago from Florence, South Carolina

      It's comments like that which keep me writing them.

    • Lucky Cats profile image

      Kathy 7 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

      Well, another very intriguing piece. Full of information and also well balanced. Thank you! JY!

    • JY3502 profile image

      John Young 7 years ago from Florence, South Carolina

      It is a terrible thing to have to do. But, I'm glad you have a good man now.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 7 years ago from United States

      JY, I would hate to go searching around after my husband that way, but I know people want to know if they have the suspension. It is awful to be cheated on and I lived through that in my first marriage which of course, ended in divorce. It is wonderful to be married to a good, reliable man now.