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Stages On How To Get Over A Break Up
Breaking News: It's Over!
Love is one of the most universal feelings that people experience. There are many kinds of love- love for parents, children, friends and lovers. But we love a partner for only one reason- to make him love us back, too. Lucky are those couples whose love ends up in the altar. Woe to those who have unrequited love. But the most painful one that anybody can experience is a love that fizzled and led to a breakup.
There is no denying the pain from a breakup especially if you love that someone so much. For some reasons or another, your relationship is doomed. But the most pain is experienced by someone who gave his/her all to the person he/she loves and got rejected after sometime in the relationship. It is easier to cope with bodily pain or operation than to get over a breakup.
There are people who can easily cope. Some, who are deeply attached to a person emotionally, find it hard to move on. Here are some tips on how to get over a breakup. I broke them down into 3 stages, with each stage having distinct steps. Remember that you cannot proceed to the next stage unless you are through with the preceding stage:
Stage 1- The break-up
Go on, release that pain. You can cry a river, so to speak. After all, you are just human. Relive those happy moments, the first time he asked your name, sent you chocolates, flowers and gifts. The moment you gave him your once-sweet yes, the subsequent dates and those memorable events in the relationship. Then look back at the unfolding of ugly fights, the fault-finding, the insults, the cold treatment or the total silence from your partner; and finally, that other girl who stole your partner’s heart. Or it could have been a man who captured his wondering gaze. Sorry, I was just trying to make you laugh. Whatever the reason for the breakup, it is not good to bottle up those emotions. Allow the feeling of worthlessness, betrayal and hurt to flow. If you can do the crying for one whole day, that would be better. But if it takes you a year crying, them I’m out of here. No, seriously, try to make this crying period as long as you feel that the tears have all dried up.
Mope?!! Yes, why not? For many, this is the next step to get over a breakup. How many girls have become hermits during this first stage of moving on? This is the time when your room is your sanctuary and best friend rolled into one. This is the sole witness whenever you cried out loud, threw that picture frame of your ex, talked to yourself, asked why oh why, planned your revenge, evaluated what went wrong and cried again. This is where you finally hit the realization that nothing you can do can make him come back to you. Lucky are those who can bring their partner back into their life. But what if you are on the other side of the fence?
Stage 2- Getting up
3. Evaluate your self-objectively
This is another important step to get over a breakup. It’s time to rise from the bed and keep those pillows. Stand in front of the mirror and look at the mess you’ve done to yourself, physically and emotionally. Ask yourself these questions:
a. Is he worth the tears?
b. Can I really not live without him?
c. Have I become obsessed with him?
d. Am I willing to make my life miserable?
e. Am I not worthy of anyone’s love?
f. Am I not beautiful inside and out?
g. Can I not really get over a break-up?
If you answered yes to any these questions, then you are not really ready for Stage 2. You still need to release those negative feelings about yourself. Your perspective of life and love in general need to be improved. One important point to remember-NOBODY LOVES A LOSER.
4. Go out to forget the pain
It’s so heart-warming to realize that you have friends and family who are willing to support and help you heal. Admit it; they took a backseat when you and your partner were still in good terms. Your priority had always been him. But now that you need them, they are willing to take you back, offering their shoulders for you to cry on. That is why it helps to balance your attention between your partner, family and friends during any of your relationship. You will find it easier to get over a break-up.
Organize a small gathering. Have a picnic, attend a party, and meet new guys and friends. Engage in ex-bashing-without him knowing it, of course. Sometimes, it feels good to have people around you telling you things like: your boyfriend does not deserve a lovely creature like you, he is a good-for-nothing guy, you can find a much better partner than your ex, he will find it harder to get over the break-up, he is a perennial cheater, and other similar stuff.
The thing is, people around you do their best to make you feel good about yourself. This is one very important aspect of moving on from a break-up. Getting over your ex truly begins at this stage.
5. Improve your looks
Every so often, the first thing a woman does when trying to get over a break-up is to examine her physical assets. Is there anything wrong with the way I look? Am I not physically desirable? Other questions may ring in the mind but the most immediate concern is changing what you perceive needs to be changed in your physical appearance. Try a new haircut or hair style. They say having a new haircut has a positive psychological impact on self-perception. If you were hesitant then to try new things, it is time to let go. Experiment on a new make-up and clothing. Pamper yourself. You’ll find getting over a breakup easier.
Scroll down for the last stage....
Stage 3- Moving on
6. Reminisce the days with your ex without the longing
It may seem like you’re torturing yourself by going back to the past. But this helps to numb the pain. It is one of the most important steps to get over a breakup. You may or may not really forget those moments you shared with your ex-partner. Once in a while, memories still linger. This is especially true if you hear a song associated with your love story or if you went back to a place that reminds you of him. It’s alright to bring back those memories. But this time, do it in a well-it’s-all-in-the-past-now manner. Nothing can bring back those events. Treat it as a part of learning life’s lessons. Charge everything to experience. Don’t blame yourself or him. Period.
7. Come out as a new, wiser person
Analyze and gain more insights into what kind of person you are when you are in love. Learn from your failed relationship. Change the bad impressions, habits and other negative thoughts that you think hinder you from being a desirable person. Then slowly build up your self-confidence. Pick up the pieces of yourself that have been broken. Make this failed relationship a spring board for a more loveable you. Draft a self-improvement plan and resolve to follow them to the letter. Bear in mind that there is probably something in you that he did not really like or love. Is it the way you talk, the body odor (oops!), a certain habit that constantly irritates him, the nagging, the jealousy? Or maybe your partner simply have fallen out of love and found love in another girl. Whatever the case maybe, treat this breakup as a useful tool to relearn things about yourself.
8. Finally, closure
This is the last step which, hopefully, you reach fast. You are now ready to accept the fact that you are not really meant to be. It is time to close this chapter of your life. Go out, celebrate. It is time for a new beginning and a new love. You’ll see, getting over a break-up isn’t that hard.