- Gender and Relationships
Stolen Moments - The Anatomy of a Love Affair
Every night I would lie awake in bed, my eyes fluttering with anticipation as I thought of the words I wanted to say to her. It wasn’t just the way she looked at me that made my entire body tremble. My emotions for her were so strong that whenever we had a conversation my mind would travel to a place where only dreams could reside. I wanted to embrace her with my words, and kiss her with my thoughts. Like a dying man’s final plea, I wanted to open up to her…
I told myself this could be my only chance to tell her how I felt. If she walked away and we never uttered another word to one another, I would have comfort in knowing that “what if” would be the only two words left unsaid. Standing there in front of her, I felt like I was on stage about to give a performance that I had spent my whole life preparing for, but unsure of how the audience would respond. In my heart, I knew her purpose wasn’t to be the love of my life, but that maybe she would open my eyes to what love could be…
Somewhere lost in a moment, stored away in time, lies the story of an awakening. An abrupt realization that not all love stories consists of two people falling in love. For love is so complicated, it would be dismissive to subject it to such an obtuse point of view. However, to love and not be loved, there truly is no worse feeling in the world. And even though time has a way of easing the pain, the wound remains forever. And I remember distinctly how the loss of a past love had me floating along like a leaf in the wind, in search of a place to fall…
I sat there in my car, in the same spot that hours before had occupied us both. Closing my eyes I could sense her presence next to me. Love is beyond physical; it’s beyond mental; more than unconditional positive regard. It’s a man sitting alone in his car, in the middle of the night, in an empty parking lot, wishing that life had a rewind and pause button.