How To Maintain a Relationship
This guide is based on personal experiences but are highly generalized for the common public. These are the few basic rules that should be kept in mind in order to make a relationship successful. However, if your partner is not right for you then the partnership will just not work (the traits of a right partner will be discussed about in the latter parts of this article). Ultimately, knowledge alone is not going to help you unless you practice them in your lives. So, let’s get started!
We should first learn the aims, objectives and the actual needs of a relationship before we decide to find a partner for the same.
A partner in a relationship is a companion who will help you progress in a relationship. A person’s most important and perhaps the only target should be to achieve something in life. We often see individuals without any major aims in life complaining about how bad their life is and no matter what people do for them, they will stay unsatisfied. A relationship is therefore not possible with people who lack the basic motivation to make something out of their lives.
One should always aim for a partner who are genuine, progressive and who are ready to help their partners progress in life.
According to the laws of the jungle, the fittest survives. In the pre-historic period, the man was the hunter and used to bring home the food while the woman was in-charge of the shelter taking care of their offspring and the basic comfort needs. However, since then a lot has changed and the pre-historic woman “has come out of the kitchen” and have developed the need to progress as an individual as well. Relationships have transformed from a partnership where an individual helping another individual succeed, to a partnership where both the partners help each other succeed.
A relationship or a partnership therefore is needed ONLY when a man or a woman is independent (even to some extent if not fully) and wants to find a partner with the help of whom he/she aims to succeed. The needs of an individual from a relationship differs from person to person. However, a few of the essential and widely wanted characteristics and traits are:
4>Compromising (to a reasonable extent).
Being done with the introduction, we are going to proceed to the First Phase of the relationship.
First Phase - Honeymoon Phase
The First Phase, also known as the Honeymoon Phase, is the sweet time in a relationship which makes partners go crazy for one another and helps them form the bonding and get to know each other with eagerness.
During this phase couples tend to stay hooked to each other and there is a constant feeling of happiness and excitement due to the start of a new relationship. This is the initial buzz of the relationship and it lasts somewhere from two weeks to four months. During this time couples are so into each other that they will always find their partner perfect and may even feel like it is “THE SPECIAL SOMEONE” they had been looking for their whole lives.
As mentioned earlier, in this stage of the relationship, the partners should hang out and spend time with each other to get to know each other better. The bonding formed during this time is crucial and is going to determine the relationship in the long run and therefore it should be paid attention to, no matter how insignificant it seems.
The most cliché spot people visit for dates during the first phase is the movie theatre. However, this is one of the biggest mistakes one can make. Dates are the places where the two partners are supposed to stay with each other, be in the moment and get to know each other. The best spots to visit during this time is a classy restaurant or, a carnival (fun fair) or a park. These spots help partners to explore together and form a strong bonding as well as connect their partners with fun and adventurous experiences.
The most common distraction, i.e., mobile phones should be kept on silent and be used minimally. As using these things during dates signify disinterest.
The science behind the chase is because of the feel-good chemical released by our brain called dopamine. The same chemical released by the brain while one smokes cigarettes or does certain type of drugs. This chemical is sensed by the pleasure-center of the brain, making the person happy.
BONUS: The common etiquette rules that pay off in a relationship are, but not limited to; opening the door for your woman, offering to pay the bill in a restaurant and offering to drop your woman home. No matter how small and outdated these things seem, it greatly demonstrates someone as being decent and civilized. Just because most people do not follow these basic manners makes you instantly stand out from the respect and shade a positive light on your personality.
What is your choice of first dates?
Second Phase - Improvement Phase
The second phase of a relationship starts right after the first phase from around the fifth month and usually lasts around a month or two but it varies from individual to individual.
This phase is the one where an individual loses the obsession with their partners. As they go back to the reality there is a loss of spark, a reduction in contact and people may feel like the relationship is slowly losing it’s charm. However, this is far from truth. A relationship happens to face these problems to weed out people hungry only for the initial charm and is rewarding for those who are actually interested in the progressive relationship.
In the second phase, partners should look after one another without invading their space. Asking a partner about ‘’what’s going wrong’’ is the stupidest thing that can be done. It should be kept in mind that the other person is as clueless as you and therefore it only adds to their pressure, making them feel that something is wrong.
In the second phase, a significantly bigger amount of time should be spent in pursuing one’s own hobbies and the position the partner is holding in their workplace should be improved. This phase can also be termed as the improvement phase, as the focus should be placed more into their own lives in order to have an easier transition to the third and final phase of a relationship.
NOTE: Just because a large amount of time should be spent on self-improvement does not mean that your partner should feel neglected. A considerable time should be spent on taking care of them and they must be surprised even with little things such as a flower or a surprise date. It shows the partner that though you have returned back to your work and have a life of your own, you still value them the same. It’s a crucial thing to do because the worst thing that can happen in the second phase of a relationship is a break up due to misunderstanding and miscommunication relating to negligence and giving each other space.
Third Phase - Stable Phase
The Third Phase is the more or less the stable part of a relation and this starts from somewhere a year after the first date and lasts till the end of a relationship. In this phase the initial spark felt during the first stage is completely absent but is replaced by another pleasurable feeling of being in a stable and happy (if you got that right) relationship.
A perfect balance should be maintained between work and relationship. A partner should not feel neglected and neither should your boss feel the same (for obvious reasons, including the loss of job). One should remember the importance of their partner and should always treat them with respect and understanding. One thing that should be kept in mind is that relationships are partnerships formed by MUTUAL AGREEMENT and therefore if a partner feels burdensome, he/she may leave without feeling any burden of liability.
In order to keep the partner interested and happy, self-improvement and time together is crucial. A partner should be cared for and some certain compromises may have to be made for their happiness. A person however, during this stage should NEVER slack.
The problem a lot of couples face during this stage is the feeling of comfort and tend to ignore certain important aspect such as fitness and dressing style. This zone is the place where couples get “too comfortable” and as a result may seem to be a person lacking motivation by their partners, therefore, constant improvement is essential for personal growth as well as the growth of the relationship.
Stunned relationship growth may often lead to frustrations and increases the chances of another deadly homewrecker which we are going to discuss in the next point.
Bonus : Cheating!
The scary term “cheating” surely scares the soul out of us, but in reality, it happens, though it’s not as common as you think it to be.
In a relationship, trust is everything. The main four pillars a relationship stands upon are trust, love, commitment and compromise.
People without a progressive mindset and hungry for the initial spark offered in a relationship will tend to hop relationships and are more likely to cheat. These are the people who should be avoided like plague and should not be included in a progressive relationship.
In a progressive relationship, partners should understand each other and should spend most of their time on self-improvement and the most of the rest on their partners. A time for a third person should not be made and if a partner is acting suspicious or weird then it is better confronted with a very understanding interchange of dialogues and how each other feel about it instead of an outright violent outburst of accusations hurled at each other. There is hardly ever a solid proof that a partner is cheating and thus it is best to have a heart to heart conversation.
Ultimately, cheating is a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes it is better to cut a rotten hand off to save the whole body than to let the whole body rot. It is true that although time heals the injury but scars remain, it is even truer that scars do not hurt as much. In most cases a cheater should not be given a second chance, because of the very mindset that they possess will most likely never change.
Have you ever cheated on your partner?
Relationships are hard and chances are that mistakes are going to be made along the way. No relationship is free from problems, but, problems and compromises are the truest ways by which couples form a deeper bond and show their love to one another in the purest form. After all: “Deeper the love is, deeper will be the wound” but so deep will be the relationship as well.
Stay Faithful, Keep Loving and Stay Happy. All the Best!
© 2018 Tuhin Subhro Sardar