- Gender and Relationships»
- Dating & Online Dating
The First Lesson
Dating is one of the most nerve racking events one will participate in life. Years ago, I was attending a blind date. I had just started a new job, and hadn’t eaten all day. The first lesson: do not go to dinner starving. We went to a cheesy mall Italian restaurant that only young people can truly appreciate. I ordered meatballs and lasagna. I remember the feeling of intense animalistic hunger. Although the male attendant was moderately interesting, I was far more interested in my meatballs. I remember cutting one in half and without thinking put the whole thing in my mouth. It was too much for my mouth. As I tried to chew, I surmised that I was in trouble. It was too much food. For a second I thought about spitting the large half out in a napkin, but I was embarrassed. I didn’t know this guy, and the uncomfortable aspect of a first date clouded my good judgment.
I decided against spitting out the meatball, as it would have been too obvious that I was not following the girl code of eating like a dainty princess. I had already declined on ordering only a salad, I couldn’t let the guy see that I had issues on deciding how big of a bite to take. I proceeded to swallow, and tragedy struck, the meatball became stuck. I tried to drink water, but the water ran out of my mouth and rolled down my chin. Thankfully the man was clueless. He was talking away and eating, as I grabbed a napkin and wiped my face. I quickly realized that I was in real trouble. I turned my head to side and put my finger down my throat and tried to dig the meatball out. It was like trying to remove a boulder from the door of cave. The meatball was completely wedged and was blocking my airway. I attempted to cough and couldn’t. I frantically looked around for help. There were firefighters across the room, but I couldn’t scream. Finally I grabbed the oblivious guy, and provided him the universal signal for choking. I used both of my hands and choked my throat. He just looked at me. I started to panic. I hit the table and kept pointing to my throat. He stood up and told me he didn’t know what to do.
The Second Lesson
At this point, a thought occurred to me- this is how I was going to die, with a stranger in a chain restaurant- choking. Second lesson: do not eat meatballs on a date, ever! Especially with someone you do not know, and who doesn’t love you. I started to feel the color drain from my face. I was seriously going to die. I had once heard that leaning over a chair while pressing on the abdomen can dislodge food. Strangely enough I was still worried about being embarrassed and I elected to take the less dramatic route. I used my own fists together to push at the top section of my abdomen, right in the middle of my rib cage. Within seconds the meatball flew out of my mouth, and I proceeded to throw-up all over my date. Lesson three: men who cannot save you, do not get a second date. Interesting enough he never called me again.
History of Dating
Dating has changed significantly throughout history. It still remains isolative, and unique in America.“The history of dating is based on old-fashioned courtship, which itself developed in a variety of ways from the traditional arranged marriages of much of human history; to court means to woo and to woo means to seek the love of another with marriage in mind. Imagine a 13-year-old girl and a 15-year-old boy sitting down to discuss their marriage plans” (Stiver,2012). In today’s society we have a variety of ways to meet a partner. This article is going to discuss dating for the purpose of mating, not alternative life styles or “hooking up.”
People in the United States represents a difference in mankind compared to the rest of the world. “Dating is definitely an American phenomenon; few other countries carry on this practice with as much fervor as Americans do, then again, few other countries have the same social conditions as America.” “ Since the turn of the century, there has been a greater freedom between men and women, for example, both attend the same schools with the same classes; both sexes become accustomed to the other at early ages which is very conducive to the practice of dating” (Merrill 61).
Flirting become popular in the 50’s. Dating evolved from the innocent going steady era where girls did not ask a boy out to the sexual revolution of the 60’s. Singles bars and swinger’s bars popped up everywhere in the seventies, and although online dating had not been invented there were companies that could help people find a match. “In the 70’s there was a very extensive questionnaire that a single could fill out and mail in to find a high-speed computer match; this version of today’s in-depth, compatibility match was supposed to be the help for single, divorced, and widowed men and women, if they needed date help” (Dating Sites, 2012).
The history of blind dates is unclear, although in 1952 there was a game show called, Blind Date. The practice of blind dating still exists today, and can be successful. Today many blind dates come in the form of online dating as a result of chat sites or online dating websites. One never can be sure where that perfect someone will come from. Follow some key steps for successful blind/online dates:
1. Speak to the person beforehand. Make sure you like the sound of their voice, and a natural rhythm of conversation can occur over the telephone, before the awkwardness of the first in-person meeting occurs. Use this time to plan the date together, talk about what you both would be interested in doing. Listen for red flags. If something doesn’t make sense-listen to your gut. Do not put yourself in harm’s way. You are not being silly, or paranoid. If you feel something negative about a person, end it right there. Do not proceed to the next step!
2. Do some predate online research. Be safe, check the person out. Check the criminal database in your area to ensure they do not have a record of any kind, especially a sex offender record. Check social media sites and see what your potential mate cares about and what activities they are currently involved with.
3. Plan a date that is active and can highlight your good personality, and will open up opportunities of having fun. A person that is relaxed and is enjoying their date will enjoy you.
4. Choose what you will wear. Make sure your choice is both flattering and logical in relation to the date that you planned.
5. Try not to be nervous. Remember to ask questions and show interest.
6. Do not talk about sexual relations of- ANY KIND!
7.Try to be natural and talk about what is important to you, but do not dominate the floor with self love. People respond to confidence, not cockiness.
8. If a blind date is going badly, be brave- be honest. Tell that person thank you, but unfortunately you do not feel a connection, and wish them good luck. There is nothing worse than being strung along by a person that has no interest because they are a coward. Be a woman, or be a man. You are a grown-up, act like it. People appreciate honesty in the long run, even if it is not evident in the present.
9. Do not give up. Statistically speaking, you are not going to find “the one,” the first time out. You may have to repeat the performance several times, and practice and develop your interpersonal skills to show your best self.
10 Self evaluate. Look at your wardrobe, your hygiene, your activities. Ask friends and family members to help with improving your outward and inward appearances, ask for honesty so you can improve upon your best self. Dating can often be about self discovery. Life is a journey with several pot holes, road construction, and delays that help us grow as individuals. After the time comes when you succeed in having a great date, do not appear over anxious to call. Do not call the same night, as a girl I want a guy to show me he cares, and he is thinking of me- but I am less likely to be interested if he appears desperate. Do not wait too long- call the day after. I am not proposing that you play games, or participate in dishonesty- there are just rules in life. Girls want to be wanted, by a man that other's will want. Girls- I am old fashion, and I think that good guys are also- let them set the stage to woo you.
People are social creatures, even the shyest- normal person desires someone to share life’s journey. I truly believe that there is someone out there for everyone. You just need to enjoy self discovery. Work on yourself. Make sure that you are a healthy and happy individual. Put yourself out there, by the time you meet that lucky person you will be ready to enjoy what couple-hood can bring.
- Teen Romance: "How Do You Know Its Love?" 1950 Coronet Instructional Films, Social
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