- Gender and Relationships»
- Non-Monogamous Relationships
Surviving The Cheat
You just found out your partner has been cheating on you. Your entire world is shattered. He was supposed to be the one. You're totally head-over-heals in love and not ready to let him go. But, now you're not sure if he's healthy for you and the problem is, you don't know what to do from here.
You're not a dog...so don't beg
First, don't beg him to pick you over her. You don't need to be with someone who is trying to decide between you and someone else. You deserve a man who falls in love with you and can not imagine his life with anyone other than you.When you find out your partner has strayed, your self esteem may hit an all time low. Couple that with a broken heart and you're prone to making tearful pleas to save your relationship.
You should never have to ask someone to love you- it should be a natural emotion that develops without having to beg for it.
Remember, no matter what he says, or what your broken heart pushes you to do, maybe your partner does love you, but you need to consider this: Does he love you enough?
Trying to save a relationship when you've been cheated on might just be about holding on to the idea of what you once thought you had. Ask yourself, are you holding on to hopes and plans you had for you and your partner, and are these plans that he really shares with you? What is important to realize is that when your partner cheated on you, a detour was created in your path and it's a detour you should strongly consider taking before you blindly stay on course.
Before you decide to take him back, re-evaluate what you want in a relationship and decide if this is the person who can really give you the relationship you deserve?
Avoid playing with the thief of hearts
After being cheated on, your ego may go into overdrive and your instinct to fight for what's yours might kick in. Most of us have a competitive streak. Most of us also don't like when someone walks into our lives and takes what belongs to us. So, it's natural to want to confront the thief, or in this situation, the other woman.
As a woman, we would like to believe that us women stick together and that taking another woman's man is a despicable act. But, reality is, some woman don't mind stealing another woman's partner; in fact, they prefer it! This fact can make our blood boil!
It's natural to want to confront her; to call her out for her bad behavior. But let's face it, if her moral character makes it acceptable to date a taken man (assuming she knew), you'll get no satisfaction from the confrontation. She's beneath you, leave her there. Don't lower yourself to her stature. She is not worth it! Initially, you may feel some relief from unleashing your wrath upon her. But, trust me, down the road you will regret that you ever wasted your time or energy on her. You will see her as a useless outlet for your anger. She's useless because she means nothing to you. At the end of all this, she'll get what she deserves. Though you may not see it now, she and your partner deserve one another. After all, cheaters are only worthy of other cheaters!
Remember who loves you, baby
Take time away from your partner, even if you're not ready to call it quits for good. when you find out you've been cheated on, you become sad and sometimes despondent. You might have the urge to isolate yourself-lay in bed and cry; comfort yourself with chocolate. Or maybe you're so sick with sadness you can't even stomach the idea of chocolate...gasp!
This is as good a time as any to surround yourself with people who love you and have your best interest in mind. Talk to those you trust in an honest way. Try not to protect him, tell it like it is. If he cheated on you like a dirty dog, tell your friends about it. Hear what they have to say. Chances are, they will want to invite you out for dinner, drinks, etc. Take them up on these invites. Going out with your friends will not hurt anything. In fact, it will probably help you. Laughter really does do the heart good. So, get out there and surround yourself with the good people in your life. Remember what it feels like to be with friends and family who respect you and care about your happiness. Get out and have fun, even if you don't want to. You can smile without him...prove it to yourself!
This is a time to reconnect; with yourself! When we are in a relationship, it's not uncommon to lose a little bit of ourselves. In some relationships we end up losing so much of ourselves that we forget who we are outside of the relationship. Take time to remember the things you enjoy. Did you always love to paint? Go out with some friends to one of those great neighborhood painting studios and paint something funky! Maybe you need to burn off some stress and you always loved dancing? Check out your local rec center or community college and take a country line dancing class or maybe zumba! There's always something to do that doesn't involve couples. Try new things and get to know yourself again. You just might remember how spectacular you really are. Recognizing ourselves as the special people we are, helps us realize we deserve only the best! You may even come to realize that your partner doesn't deserve a second chance with you. Because let's face it, you are pretty awesome! When you love and respect yourself, you're less likely to allow others to treat you badly. Remember, it's easier to respect yourself when you celebrate yourself!
Have You Been Cheated On?
If you have been cheated on, how did it turn out
The blame game
Lastly, no matter what he says, do not allow yourself to take the blame in his bad behavior! You did not cause this and the pain you feel is not because of you. It seems it's in the Cheaters Manual that blame must be placed on the partner who was just cheated on. It doesn't come as too much of a shock that someone who could be so irresponsible with another's heart would shun the responsibility of their own actions. The problem here is, they are kicking you when you are down when it's easier to be manipulated. Do not buy into his blame. Sure, none of us are perfect, we all make mistakes in relationships. Maybe you made some mistakes along the way...or maybe you were actually pretty great! Either way, we are all in control of our own behaviors and we have no one to blame for the actions we take, but ourselves. This means, if he cheated on you, he is the only person to blame. If he wasn't happy in the relationship you shared, he could have talked to you about it. If he had needs that weren't being met, he could have shared that information. And, even if he had discussed it with you and you couldn't live up to the expectations he set, he still had a choice. The choice he had was to either stay and see all the other wonderful attributions you have that made him be with you in the first place; or he could have respectfully ended it. Cheating on someone who loves you is one of the lowest expressions of disrespect. We all deserve to be loved and respected. No matter what, you deserve to be with someone who sees you as an equal, who would never want to leave you feeling as hurt and empty as cheating leaves us feeling.
The Stats On Cheating
Men Vs. Women
Men who admit to cheating
Women who admit to cheating
Men who admit they would cheat if they wouldn't get cuaght
Women who admit they would cheat if they wouldn't get cuaght
Call it like a boss
This is your life and only you can decide what is best for you. Whether you decide you are going to give this guy of yours another shot, or if it's time to move on, it needs to be your call. This is a big decision and the best way to make it is with a clear head. Take however much time you need, if he loves you, he'll give you time; after all that's the least he can do. Make your decisions based on what you want, need and deserve. If both your mind and heart agree it's him, then maybe you need to give him another chance. But, if your head and heart cannot see eye to eye on things, it might be time to move it. You are the only boss of your life, you get to call the shots on who is granted permission to be in your life!