ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Relationship Problems & Advice»
  • Breaking Up

Surviving a breakup - the best way to deal with a breakup

Updated on April 8, 2012

Surviving a breakup

A breakup could be a traumatic event, surviving the breakup could be more so if you are still involved with the person emotionally. It could leave you hurt, angry, upset, in denial and sometimes just numb. All these are deep emotions and deep emotions are always like a double edged sword, if you wield them carelessly it could hurt both and leave scars for life. Breakups really needs to be handled carefully or you could be the one that is hurt the most. Those who get into relationships because they have the time and the energy to play around with the emotions of others may not have any problems at all. It is those who have become deeply involved, who feel emotions similar to grief after a breakup.


Dealing with emotions in a break up

Could you possibly deal with a breakup well and come out feeling ready for life? Yes, you could if you learn to handle your emotions well.

Denial ‘No! this is not happening to me’, could be one of the first reactions that a person feels. A breakup does take time to sink in especially if it comes as a surprise. One really has to accept the reality to be able to deal with the situation better. Once you accept the reality it becomes easy to see through the problem. You can see the cracks and how they have widened into rifts overtime while you have been blind to them all through. I believe it takes two to tango and it takes two to break up too. In some ways, big or small you have added your share of method to the madness. This realization could help you see the breakup in a more objective light and help you work through surviving a breakup in a positive manner.

Anger is one of the first emotions that come up when you realize what has happened. You tend to blame and make a monster of the other person. You could lash out in anger until you have no more energy left or until you have tarnished the person’s image to a great extent. Mudslinging could only get you one place - into the mud! It does not leave you feeling good or happy within yourself, instead you tend to feel cheap and miserable. Your self-esteem dips and your self-worth takes a beating. You feel bitter and hollow inside. You have just demeaned yourself to such a level. It would be worthwhile to stop yourself from getting into such deep and dark emotions and accusations. Trying to get even with the person whom you believe has inflicted hurt on you could only hurt you more. The bitterness and negativity that you have allowed to creep in and take over your way of thinking destroys the person you really are. Steer clear of such emotions and reactions, you deserve to live with pride and self-worth. Surviving breakups or dealing with a breakup well is to be able to emerge better and more mature for the experience.

Jealousy and insecurity could also creep in if you allow this negative strain to continue. This greened-eyed monster could disturb your sleep and your self- image. You become paranoid if you allow this to continue. Being aware of such negative emotions and handling them, then and there, would be the best way of dealing with breakup. It is important to view the event from a positive perspective. For example- It would be absurd to carry on in a relationship that will not work. Moving away could do you more good than harm. Having said that oftentimes moving away is only done physically, people put spaces between themselves, but emotionally they are still following and hanging on to each other. Being able to stop and cut yourself emotionally without becoming bitter or overly preoccupied with their other would be a healthier way of surviving a breakup.

I would even go to say, being able to talk it over and deciding to end the relationship while still continuing to be friends is healthier and easier on you emotionally. You could drift apart naturally if this wasn’t meant to be or find ways of working it out later when the anger and pain has subsided and you still see the positives in the relationship. This would be a very adult way of conflict resolution, a mature acceptance of reality.

Depression or feeling of sadness, or the feeling that I am not good enough often tends to creep in. You need to understand that it is not that either of you that are not good enough, but it is that, the two of you cannot make this relationship work for you for whatever reason. Depression, suicidal tendencies, poor self esteem all arise because you have placed your self-worth entirely at the mercy and validation of the other. You need to understand that you are who you are. What has happened is due to the fact that you two are not compatible and it has nothing to do with who you are. Spend time affirming and validating yourself. Tell yourself that you believe in yourself. Forgive yourself for the mistake on your part and permit yourself to move on. This is the best way to survive a breakup in a healthy and acceptable way.

Numbness is another one of those emotions that could play havoc with your life. Allow yourself to feel the pain, grieve, express yourself and move ahead. Numbness is in a way getting back at yourself, you neglect your health, your appearance, refuse food and are unable sleep well. You may shun social interactions and withdraw into your shell. This is the ego’s way of protecting itself from hurt. This does more damage to you psyche than protect you, it makes you incapable of facing life. You end up licking your wounds and suspecting that everyone is going to hurt you. It becomes hard for you to trust anyone and live in a meaningful way. This is no way to survive a breakup. This is giving in to negativity.

Dealing with breakup in a positive manner

Being able to be loving, trusting, positive and full of joy is how people ought to live. I would still say all relationship issues can be worked through if, people have the heart and the will. But if this is the end according to the two of you, make sure that you do it like mature people and not like a pair of Rottweilers trying to tear out each other and destroying the humanity in the other.

Focus on the positives. Surround yourself with positive people. Think and speak positively no matter what happens. Determine not to stoop low.

Relationship breakup advice

Develop new hobbies and interest that enrich your life and keep you away from your emotional pitfalls.

Do not jump into another relationship without having resolved and come of of this breakup feeling clean. You are sure to mess up what could be another beautiful relationship.
You do not have to prove you are good or better than the other. Time will tell that.

Chose your battles and invest your energies in those that will help you move further and upwards in life. Negative feelings are not worth spend any time over.

Refuse to speak ill of the other or get even at anytime. Instead go one step further and do good to the person. You would always come out as the winner.

Life is not a game of winning and losing, it is about balancing and carry on with as much enjoyment as possible. Surviving breakup is not a big deal, surviving life is. Keep your focus right and remain happy at all times.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • shimmering Dawn profile image

      shimmering Dawn 5 years ago

      Devin, thanks for stopping by and leaving this comment. Yes, .. jealousy and insecurity are indeed huge problems that need to be dealt with .. the faster we learn to deal with them the better for us :) Have a blessed day. Peace!

    • devin23 profile image

      devin23 5 years ago from CA

      Nice hub! I agree that jealousy and insecurity are two of the biggest problems that people have after a breakup...myself included...

    • shimmering Dawn profile image

      shimmering Dawn 5 years ago

      Sunita Sharma, that is true, emotional attachment is the biggest factor, but love is all about emotional attachments. Thanks for the visit and the comment Have a blessed day. Peace.

    • shimmering Dawn profile image

      shimmering Dawn 5 years ago

      Deborah, Thank you so much. I appreciate your words very much. Have a blessed day. Peace!

    • shimmering Dawn profile image

      shimmering Dawn 5 years ago

      Vinaya, Thanks for endorsing my views. It is very sweet of you to say that. You are very kind. Have a blessed day. Peace!

    • shimmering Dawn profile image

      shimmering Dawn 5 years ago

      Ruchira, The reason for the breakup is most often the breakdown of communication. Yes, communicating and coming to a logical conclusion is more mature...but people's emotional states come in the way.

      I do appreciate the share. Thank you and Have a blessed day! Peace.

    • Sunita-Sharma profile image

      Sunita-Sharma 5 years ago from Los Angeles,California,US

      Nice hub!I think break-ups can really make your life difficult and is very hard to overcome because you are so emotionally attached to the person. Your hub is a great advice to deal with....voted up!

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Breaks up are so very hard to deal with.. great advice.. love your hub.

      voted up


    • Vinaya Ghimire profile image

      Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

      You have outlined very important points to handle the break ups. You must manage our anger and frustration. We have to channelize our pain and suffering nicely. Communication helps us to get away from gloom.

      One time read is not enough for me I'm going to come back and read it again.

    • Ruchira profile image

      Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

      Voted up n sharing...thanks

    • Ruchira profile image

      Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

      Communication is the key but in this hustle bustle we don't do iit.

      Great pointers Shawn.

    • shimmering Dawn profile image

      shimmering Dawn 5 years ago

      Essyredfield, LOL, I do agree with the first two parts, the trashy chick-flick movies is something that I would never really do ..not even when I am happy.. But each to his own.:) Have fun and let your mind be at ease is what you mean, I guess. Have a blessed day. Peace.

    • EssyRedfield profile image

      EssyRedfield 5 years ago from United States

      One of my tips is to not bottle up your feelings. Bawling your eyes out for a few days is natural and healthy. So is watching trashy chick-flick movies.

    • shimmering Dawn profile image

      shimmering Dawn 5 years ago

      Billybuc, I am so happy for you that are in a bond for life.. and so am I. I truly wish more people had stable and happy relationships. Thank you for taking the time to comment. Have a blessed day! Peace and love.

    • shimmering Dawn profile image

      shimmering Dawn 5 years ago

      Frank, thanks for the positive comment. I truly appreciate it. Have a blessed day. Peace.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      No doubt that breaking up is hard to do...old song from the 60's...your suggestions are well-thought out and helpful. Luckily I am in a bond for life with the most wonderful woman I have ever met. Great job of clearly explaining a difficult emotional state that everyone can relate to.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 5 years ago from Shelton

      you know shim-dawn I have to admit.. this is useful.. and now that so many of our young break-up often and some not so good this guide.. or hub.. or blueprint can offer some type of well... semblance?.. a very good entry my friend Frank