Why Do Men Opt to Marry Strangers Rather Than Their Long Time Girlfriends?

Stories of men and women leaving their long-term boyfriends and girlfriends to marry complete strangers are not new in Kenya and elsewhere. While there are a myriad of reasons for such a behavior, some cannot deduce any reason for doing so. In most cases, most of those left feel the pinch and end up developing psychological complications in the process. This is due to the fact that for many cases, no clear information is given for the last minute abandonment.

Margaret Namunyaki who hails from Kajiado, but currently living in Nairobi as a single mother of one for instance, has been battling a psychological trauma of being left by her long term boyfriend who opted to marry another girl at the last minute. She was literary shocked when she heard that her six year boyfriend whom she identified as Martin Omwanda was planning for a wedding, albeit with a different girl whom she went on to tie the knot with. This happened two years ago. “I cannot imagine that my loving boyfriend left me to marry another woman. I felt the world could collapse and swallow me alive” she discloses.

This experience has affected her until today and she feels that her minds and thoughts have not been operating normally has they used to be. “In fact, I hate all men and there is no way I can trust any of them” she explains. According to her, she and her boyfriend were in good terms and she could not see any reason why her man could leave her stranded to marry another woman. Interestingly, he had even proposed to her. Despite this, she says that “the man keeps on requesting for a reunion but I cannot accept him back following what he did to me” she vows

Margret is not alone in this fiasco. There are many other women and to some extent men, who have been left abruptly in favor of a stranger when it becomes to marriage. Esther wambua, another single mother of one living in Nairobi says that, her three year boyfriend left her to marry another person. This is despite the fact that he had impregnated her which culminated into her delivery of a boy child. “He did not want to hear anything about the pregnancy or the child” “I think this is where the issue emanated from since from the time I told him about this, he cut all links” Esther explains. Interestingly, her boyfriend married a mother of one girl a few months later. In order to “cope with the situation”, she looked at ways of keeping herself busy so as to forget the incident. “Whoever who said that all men are liars was right” she retorts. For now, she is busy running her kiosk and Mpesa agent business in Dandora Slums. Like Margret, she has decided to remain single due to lack of trust on men. “Following what happened to me, I will need to be very careful on the kind a man to date” she reveals.

Ruth Njeri, also a single mother based in Komarock Estate is also another victim of this kind of relationship. However, unlike her counterparts, she was planning a wedding with her five year boyfriend but shockingly discovered that the guy was already living with a woman and they had two children together. “I was really devastated with that boy since I loved him dearly” However, “I could not proceed with the wedding plans when I discovered that he already has children with another woman” she states. “To be honest, I am still haunted by this development” she tells the Nairobian.

Mr. Solomon Maina who dumped his long term girlfriend to marry a different man whom he had known barely three months reveals that there is no way he could marry his long term girlfriend since she was not a “marriage material”. Asked what he means by a marriage material, he says that the woman had peculiar habits that could not make an ideal wife at home. “How can you cope with a woman who only loves food made at the restaurant and is arrogant towards you” he asks. He also explains that his girl used to flirt with other men and he did not like the habit. However, he did not find the audacity to tell her. Asked whether his new wife meets the qualities of a wife, he says yes. “Although she has weaknesses here and there, these cannot be compared to those of my former girlfriend” he says.

Mr. Stephen Sagasia also married a woman who was not his girlfriend, leaving out his two year girlfriend. According to Sagasia, the pressure from the family to marry was huge. The mother kept on telling him to bring the woman he had seen him with home so that she can have a companion. Interestingly, with no clear reasons, his girlfriend was not ready for marriage. To satisfy her frequent pestering, Sagasi opted to hook up with someone who was ready to be married via Face Book. Within two months, the marriage preparations were ready and they proceeded to tie the knot. However, he believes that his girlfriend is the best thing he has had so far. “I love my wife and I believe she is the best God has given me” he confesses

For Sethi Asangai, the stranger he had decided to marry had proved to be more beautiful than her girlfriend. “I had found a more cute baby and she could not be compared with my girlfriend” he explains. “When I set the rod and caught her, I had to make her my wife” he reveals. Like other men, Asangai left his long term girlfriend in shock since he had also made signs of marrying her part of which included visiting her parents at home.

Judith Osok, a marriage therapist based in 5^th Ngong Avenue, Nairobi affirms that leaving a partner to marry another without informing the reasons for doing so causes a significant level of psychological and emotional impact on the one who has been left. However, this may be beyond the victim’s control and such, it is important for the involved party to seek psychological assistance from relevant personnel. Osoko points out that if assistance is sought early enough, the victim may be able to cope with the situation. This is why men and women who have gone through such situations develop negative attitudes towards men or women. Furthermore, this will also affect their future relationship when they become married. She further warns ladies not to be too loose and give a man everything when they are dating as these will make men be used to them and hence; seek new adventures. “When you give a man everything he wants, he will become used to you and hence will try someone else” If the other person proves hard to find, he will lure her with marriage” This is why many men have left their long term girlfriends to marry people they barely know” she advices.

Mr. Patrick Mutiso, a relationship expert based in Umoja explains that most men who opt to marry strangers are those who are affected by lust. He says that the men sees new ladies as being better both physically and in other aspects. “This is a psychological problem and men need to be satisfied with what they have. What they think is better may be even worse for them” he explains.

On his part, Mr. Partick Muyioki of Hekima Counseling argues that the character of some women and men may betray them towards marriage. “Their behaviors may betray one as not fit for marriage” Therefore, one would not marry their boyfriend/girlfriend in such a scenario. However, the irony is that some of them marry strangers whom they do not know well. He advises that if one decides to leave his girlfriend/boyfriend because of bad behavior, he or she should inform them so. Moreover, they should also check out the behaviors of the new girlfriends/boyfriends before venturing into marriage.