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Updated on May 13, 2012

Anything is Possible

How to Be a Good Friend

There are times when I have wondered how I was supposed to be a good friend to someone in need. There have been times when I noticed that my life seems to run parallel to those I am spending time with. There have also been times when I pulled away from people I felt were dragging me down. It wasn't that I did not like or care about those people. It was that I had to save myself from their currently negative influence. I like them and all, but I don't want them pulling me off of my path.

I am not saying that the friendships I have had with these people are finished for eternity. I am just taking a short break from their continuously negative influence until such time that we are on the same wavelength again. Of course, I will talk to them if they call and give advice as needed as to resources they might use to solve current problems. However, I have to remember to take care of myself in order to be able to continue to provide care to people who need help doing things they cannot do for themselves, such as my children. I can't afford to lose myself in carpeting the planet. I have to leave some bare floor for others to carpet.

Everyone has their own "stuff" that they have to deal with. If you believe in the universal law idea that is taught in the Unity churches, you know that "what you think about, you bring about.... What you focus on expands." That being said, the nature of life is to continually be on a journey never quite reaching your destination. You realize just as you reach your latest goal that there is something else you want. Sometimes, we want something and don't know what it is.

Sometimes bad things have to happen in our lives to let us know what it is we really want anyway. This is when it becomes especially important to keep our focus on the positive possibilities in life. Sometimes, that requires a rather large shift in energy that is not always easy to achieve. Surround yourself with people who think the way you want to think, or keep to yourself until you can handle dealing with negative energy.

One exercise I learned somewhere along the line was to take a piece of paper and write on the left side the things I am upset about in my life. On the right side of the paper, I write what the opposite of that situation/issue would be (or the more desirable situation/issue I would rather have). I fold the paper in half and discard the undesirable left side. The same can be done with the traits in an undesirable relationship. The idea is to then focus on the traits on the right side of the paper when we look for a new partner or solution to the situation or issue we are facing.

If we know what we are aiming for, then the universe moves Heaven and Earth to bring to us the desires of our heart. The secret is to ask for it and then let go of it and move on. One example of this is when people try to have babies. I cannot tell you how many people have tried and tried, but it wasn't until they gave up or didn't care about it anymore that it surprised them. I was one of those people. It doesn't just happen with pregnancy. It happens with all kinds of things.

The best thing a friend can do is to reinforce the positive and deny the negative. Always offer words of encouragement. Always acknowledge that the person (who is offering up an idea for their life to you for your approval) has a definite possibility of bringing their desire to fruition. They do. You will be rewarded by your positive response to them in more ways than you know. It will be much more than the good feeling you get from giving an uplifting response to another human being. It brings good vibes your way in ways you will least expect. I tend to stick with friends that agree with my intentions much longer than the people who shoot down my dreams. It is a rather involved theory, and without proper knowledge of these laws and how they work, it is not going to be easy to come by an understanding of the notion that, "Thoughts are things."

If a person has an idea of what they want out of life, no one else should knock that notion and stop the person from believing that they can achieve their heart's desire. Anyone who tries to stop the dream is commonly referred to as a "naysayer." Let people dream big and keep that sense of wonder. Don't be the wet sock that is afraid that if the aim is too high the person will be let down. Instead, visualize them being successful at the thing they desire. THAT is being a friend.

I stay away from naysayers as much as possible. It is hard to stay away from those people when they are family or spouses, but I tend to still keep plenty of distance until I can handle them.

Elbert Hubbard said that in order to have a friend, you must first be a friend. You can start turning naysayers into worthy friends by supporting them in what you see as their hairbrained schemes and crazy dreams. Remember that with God, all things are possible. Say to them in your own modern words what Catherine Ponder suggests in her book entitled The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity, "I bless you with a rich increase of God's almighty good."

Treat them with the loving approval you seek, and before you know it, they may just be giving you the same loving support you have given them. Show them by living example that this is the way the world works. What I think about, I bring about. For example, I think of an old friend intently. Before I know it, the phone is ringing or an email has arrived from this person, who was somehow made to think of me. There are no coincidences in life. Life is filled with synchronicity. It's funny how long a person can go without realizing that. Some never do.

There is so much more to life than what we see. In the words of Florence Scovel Shinn, "I am unmoved by appearances, therefore appearances move... I stand steadfast, immovable, giving thanks for my seeming impossible good to come to pass, for I know, with God, it is easy of accomplishment, and His time is now."

If you don't like what you see, have faith that something better is coming. It is. The best thing you can do for someone else is to be a beacon of light by always expressing a positive attitude about everything from your own life to their hopes and dreams. Always offer a sunny side to their dilemma. Always keep a positive attitude. If they want to stay happy, they will cling to you and copy your sunshine. If they make other choices, it will be when they decide to see the silver linings of their clouds that they will appreciate your sunny disposition. Keep your chin up, and the rest will follow.


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    • advisor4qb profile image

      advisor4qb 6 years ago from On New Footing

      Thank you for this validating comment. I am also glad that my hub validated your views. Namaste!

    • imatellmuva profile image

      imatellmuva 6 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore

      I had a conversation about this very topic JUST YESTERDAY! Maintaining friendships, letting go of friendships, and finding the value, especially when it appears that it's lost or even non-existant.

      As I matured, I would come to realize that I was simply holding onto what was familiar, and not because there was always a real value.

      I would learn that everyone who enters my life, are not people who I can or should consider a friend, and certainly not to validate who I am when with them...or not.

      This hub registers everything that I feel about friendships, and everything that I have learned along my way.

    • advisor4qb profile image

      advisor4qb 6 years ago from On New Footing

      Thanks. Yes, it truly can be difficult to remain positive, but I find myself more and more easily shifting from negative to positive by a deliberate shift in my own thoughts! The results are always going to be happier if you decide to be happy, no matter what.

      This hub is more about letting other people believe in themselves, and how it's better to refrain from acting as a "naysayer" in certain situations. It's about expressing universal love in the face of what seems to be a grandiose pipe dream and affirming for the person dreaming it that it is possible.

      When two agree, it shall be!

      ---Matthew 18:19

    • profile image

      Deb Welch 6 years ago

      Excellent advice - loved this Hub. It can be very difficult in today's world to keep continuously positive in the wake of what is happening around us. I lost many friends once I changed from the sinner I once was to the 'born-again' follower of Jesus Christ. Then again - I thought to myself - they were not true friends - if they were - I believe - I would have been accepted whether I was a big sinner or a 'Jesus Freak'. Love should encompass those changes. Most I found were only using the relationship for some gain on their part not mine. I have different friends - now - companionships with pets - more fondness with family - etc. Thanks and many blessings at Christmas and into 2012.

    • advisor4qb profile image

      advisor4qb 6 years ago from On New Footing

      I know. It does. Thanks for the validating comment!

    • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

      Susan Haze 6 years ago from Sunny Florida

      I agree with you. The best thing a person can do for another is to reinforce the positive. Sometimes it aeems an impossible task.