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The "Perfect" Man (or Woman). Finding your soul mate

Updated on July 4, 2014

The Perfect man

How we see ourselves
How we see ourselves | Source

The Perfect Man {or Woman}

Is there such an animal?

Have you found your perfect mate?

We all look for perfection, but only true love can give you that.

Do i love you because you're beautiful, or are you beautiful because i love you?

Ideal: existing as a mental image conforming exactly to a perfect mental perception.

Perfect: existing entirely without fault or defect; flawlessly whole, entire and intact.

Can these descriptions really be used to represent any human being?

Of course not.

But the old adage that "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder" is the closest one can get to a living perception of that elusive "perfectly ideal" person, especially when coupled with the concept that "love is blind".

Man (or woman) tends to be attracted to the physically aesthetic vision first, although we all know that "beauty is only skin deep", and unique to that persona that the object of our attraction portrays to the world.

This may be considered "Love at first sight" ; but beware. We all have three persona's intrinsically intertwined together inside each of us:

  • 1. We are what we think others want us to be.
  • 2. We are what we see ourselves as being.
  • 3. We are what others actually perceive us to be.

All three of these perceptions are part of all of us. So, that ideally perfect person is out there for everyone; but the trick to finding and recognizing them lies within each of us alone; and our individual perceptions of what we think is ideal, perfect, acceptable (barely, satisfactory, or adequate), or totally unacceptable (displeasing and/or unwelcome).

Is there any truth to the saying that: "opposites attract" ?

Or, are we attracted to those most like ourselves?

Let's Take a Poll (vote here and then see which category you fit into at the end of this article)

Is there ANY possibility that there just might be that PERFECT mate somewhere out there in the world to accent or complement (complete) your own perfection?

See results

Lucky in Love

Finding love is merely a matter of luck
Finding love is merely a matter of luck | Source

"Falling" in love

Some people seem to be lucky in love, and find their "soul mate" for life in their first experience of "falling in love" .

Others - Not so lucky.

The problem with those unlucky folks that can't seem to find their "soul mates" lies in their basic personal persona of how they view themselves and how they think others view them, and lastly how they view other people.

A child who is seen as "different" (short, fat, big ears, buck teeth, small, gay appearing, meek, etc..) who grows up being ridiculed through their formative years is most at risk for never finding their perfect "soul mate" in this life.

Children who are taught they are basically bad for something they had no part in, are the most vulnerable for a life time of solitude, self abusive behavior, and profound feelings of inadequacy in all aspects of their lives. Their self perception is damaged through no fault of their own and lack of basic education locks them into a lifetime of disappointment and sadness.

The second major problem in finding our ideal mate is when we have abusive parents or other family members; limited religious views; physical, emotional, or sexual abuse by grown ups who should be protecting instead of abusing.

Hatred, intolerance, fear, and bigotry are harmful to a healthy self image and are learned behaviors; taught by elders who practice them openly in front of the children that they are entrusted to rear in a world that can be either pleasurable or miserable to live in.

Abusive and negative adults are products of their own upbringing.

Ignorance and lack of desire to change, or lack of education, will keep them in that state and pass it along to their own children as a legacy.

But these explanations are too over simplified. Without education to be able to rationalize and understand the consequences of emotional "choices", there is not much hope for individual changes or any great social climate changes as a whole.

Especially when you consider some choices, desires and beliefs with a contrasting view of them in a greater picture and as a viable choice for each person to be allowed to make for themselves. The world of choices is overwhelmingly complicated, but also exciting when one realizes that those choices are ours, as individuals, alone, to make for ourselves. Only we, as individuals, can change our own perceptions. We follow the patterns of our adult teachers as the accepted way of life, and it is easier to comply than to question the validity of their choices.

The following are only a small number, with limited examples, of personality traits. They are picked alphabetically and only using the first ten letters (A through J) of the alphabet, showing both the positive and negative sides of each.

It is only to show a minuscule fraction of the vast diversity of choices that we make in our lives; and what we tend to look for in others. Choices we make that either enhance (or diminish) our attraction to another person based on what we as individuals assess as either positive or negative traits in others. Our personal choices determine what we consider in others as either "turn-ons" or "turn-offs".

  • Action: taking the initiative or lead in life -versus-

apathy: lack of interest or concern, feeling or emotion.

  • Boldness: daring and fearless before danger -versus -

bleakness: lack of warmth, life, or kindness; grim.

  • Considerate: thoughtful of the feelings and rights of others -versus -

condescending: showing an air of superiority in action or behavior.

  • Decency: conformity to standards of taste, propriety, or quality -versus-

dastardly: acting treacherously or underhandedly.

  • Empathy: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts and experiences of another -versus-

encroachment: to advance beyond the usual or proper limits into the possessions or rights of another, both physically and emotionally.

  • Factualistic: adherence or dedication to facts - versus -

fictitious: having the nature of something imagined, superstitious, or assumed.

  • Graciousness: kind, courteous, marked by tact and decency - versus -

green-eyed: jealous and envious of others.

  • Happiness: a state of well being and contentment - versus -

hatefulness: intense hostility and aversion derived from fear, anger, guilt or sense of injury (either real or perceived).

  • Idiographic: relating to something concrete, individual or unique - versus -

idiomatic: relating only to a narrowly particular group, individual or style.

  • Judgmental: a tendency to judge others harshly without evidence, or common sense - versus -

juridical: relating to the administration of justice according to law (without any bias or prejudice).

Poll Explanation:

  • If you voted YES you are probably in the majority, and you live in a world of unabashed blissful positiveness to the point of surrealism (having the intense irrational reality of a dream). And have been lucky in love.
  • If you voted NO you are probably in the minority, and live more in a world of realism (concern for fact or reality and rejection of the impractical and visionary). And have been unlucky in love.

There is no such thing as a 'perfect' person.

As much as we would like to believe we are that perfect persona incarnate, we are only deluding ourselves. Each of us possess all of those personality traits, and tons more, to some degree or another. but, most of all those who voted NO understand that while we cannot teach old dogs new tricks - we can modify our own personalities and influence our partners by our own display of patience, love and positive examples. (Any woman will tell you that they, as a species, have mastered this manipulative behavior in their husbands since the beginning of time).

May God bless and keep you, if you are one (two) of the lucky people in this world that can say to your partner: "you are perfect, just the way your are".

Or, should we never ask: "Do i love you because you are beautiful, or are you beautiful because i love you?".

My only wish for the years to come, is that we see more love in this world and less hatred.

by: d.william 01/29/2012

The luckiest people in the world

© 2012 d.william


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    • d.william profile image

      d.william 5 years ago from Somewhere in the south

      Thanks for reading and commenting. Not everyone is as lucky as you. Some people are simply meant to be alone in this lifetime. My belief is that we all have a plan to fulfill in our personal lifetime, and the acceptance of our own fate is tantamount to experiencing a satisfactory life experience.

      We tend to get caught up in the self pity and disappointments when what we want is not what we get, instead of simply moving on with one's life and leaving the past were it belongs - in the past. It seems that you are truly one lucky person who knows how to appreciate your gifts in life.

    • Virtual Treasures profile image

      Kacie Turner 5 years ago from Michigan

      I have found the perfect man. I am lucky (2nd time around). He has many faults, but he loves me through all of mine, and he has taught me that love isn't about finding a perfect Prince Charming, but that love is about hard work and commitment to that love. The commitment has to last through all of the hard times, and there has to be a realization that a relationship is never going to be 50/50 all of the time. Sometimes it is 70/30 or 20/80, but that we have to make that imbalance equal out in the end. He listens and works on his faults, as do I, and he respects and loves me more than I could have ever anticipated. I can't imagine my life without him, not only because he completes me, but because he has taught me so many things. Sorry to get off on this tangent, but the initial "love at first sight" was only a chemical reaction. We have grown together to find a true love, and I am very, very lucky.

    • d.william profile image

      d.william 6 years ago from Somewhere in the south

      This scene from Funny Girl, says it all

      Perfection needs not be boring after all.

    • somethgblue profile image

      somethgblue 6 years ago from Shelbyville, Tennessee

      Who would want perfect . . . Boooorrrrriiiing!

      Love me you gotta take my crusties too!

    • d.william profile image

      d.william 6 years ago from Somewhere in the south

      Thanks to you also for reading and commenting. As i explained to Angela Blair, the same response goes for you. My intent was not to negate the finding of a perfect partner as my belief has always been that we either love someone because they are beautiful (inside and out), or we find someone to be beautiful because we love them. Either way, the results are the same, and it sure would be nice if EVERYONE could share in that experience in this lifetime. Those who have found it, are truly the luckiest people in the world.

    • d.william profile image

      d.william 6 years ago from Somewhere in the south

      Thanks for reading and commenting. Sorry for the delay in responding to your comments. I have not been able to do much on this computer for the past several weeks. After reading your comment i went back and re-read this piece and realized that the poll results interpretation was quite snotty, so i changed it. YOU are certainly not part of the problem - it is I. Hopefully, my new interpretation will be more acceptable (and truthful).

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 6 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Shucks- I voted yes. Let's face it, i'm a romantic dreamer. I know there is no one who is perfect, nor am I, but I have a friend who comes very close. In all the years i have known him, not once have I ever heard a judgemental remark. He accepts life fully just as it is. He makes me a better person by just knowing him. I enjoyed this Hub. You are an intelligent writer with wisdom. Thank you.

    • Angela Blair profile image

      Angela Blair 6 years ago from Central Texas

      Enjoyed the Hub -- voted "yes" -- so guess I'm part of the problem. Best, Sis