- Gender and Relationships
Taking A Risk
Are you married to/in a committed relationship with a friend?
We All Have Done It
Love makes mutes of those who habitually speak most fluently.
-Madeleine de Scudery-
Day after day you keep putting off telling them. Every time you see them, you promise yourself that you’ll finally take the plunge. You’ll open your mouth and utter the words that have been weighing on your heart and mind. Yet, years go by and you’re still holding tight to your secret. Without question, you’ve put it off for too long. The time to speak up is now. Today needs to be the day that you finally tell your close friend you’re in love with them. Let me explain my reasoning.
- You’ve probably been putting it off because you’re afraid of losing your friend. You believe that if you are honest with them they’ll run in the other direction. While it may be shocking for them, if you are as close as you say you are, they won’t run the other way. By not taking this risk, you’re giving your friend less credit than they deserve. Good friends don’t pull away if they value your friendship.
- If you guys are close enough to be considered “close friends” chances are they already know how you feel. When you’re close to someone, you have a way of figuring out when something is going on. Even if you thought you’ve been hiding it well, when someone is in love with you, you just know it. They probably have been waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to tell them. Tell them now.
- When two people spend a lot of time together, feelings tend to develop even if you both never thought they could. If you’ve fallen for your friend, chances are they may have feelings for you too. They may be struggling as you are to decide if telling you how they feel is worth risking your friendship for. Give them some peace.
- As dramatic as it may sound, it isn’t healthy to bottle up your emotions. If for no other reason than your health, you need to be honest with them. Friends don’t want other friends to get sick especially over them.
Ideally, your confession will get the ball rolling between you two. However, if it doesn’t, you need to be prepared for that too. Here are a few tips on how to handle being turned down by your friend.
- On some level, you may have realized that things between you two couldn’t be. Some people are meant to just be friends while others friends are meant to be spouses. While you may have believed the latter, your friend seems to believe that it wouldn’t work out. You need to respect this and not make a big deal about it. From this point on, things are as awkward as you want them to be. The sooner you can get over being turned down the better it is for your friendship. You don’t want your fear of you guys not being able to remain friends to become a reality because you can’t handle the letdown. Just take a deep breath and be thankful for having them in your life at all.
- You should pat yourself on the back for finally having the courage to be honest. What you did took guts. You should be proud of yourself. I’m sure your friend is proud of you too.
- When two friends get into a romantic relationship, they find that they miss the communication they used to have with each other. While you would still be communicating with them, had they become your significant other, the style in which you had been communicating till now would’ve changed. For example, as friends you may spend Thursday nights discussing the pet peeves you have with your current partner. If your friend had become that person, you wouldn’t be able to have that same discussion. While you may believe that having them as your partner would’ve meant more to you than having that outlet to talk about pet peeves, you don’t know how much you’ll miss it until its gone. Be grateful that you still get to speak so candidly with someone.
- In times of emotional stress we often forget that what is true now won’t necessarily be true later. What I mean by this is though your friend has turned you down today, things might be different in a few months from now. Let them come to terms with this new development. They may surprise you down the line with a confession of their own.
Falling in love, especially with someone we’ve labeled as “off limits,” is rough. We become so enamored with them that we can’t see straight. We struggle with how to tell them or if we should even tell them at all. It’s a risk, but, in my opinion, one that is worth taking. Life is too short to spend it wondering about how life could be. In order for you to find peace (and perhaps lifelong happiness), you need to tell them. As stated before, good friends don’t walk out just because you’ve told them the truth. Good luck!