ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Taking a Vacation from the Things I Enjoy

Updated on February 20, 2010
I often feel at the end of my you?
I often feel at the end of my you?

Giving Up the Things that Make Us Happy Isn't the Route We Should Take

It's been months since I hubbed. I used to hub as if it were an addiction. When I first joined months ago, I couldn't write enough. I realized something during those initial months. I felt relieved when I put something down in text. When I expressed myself through words instead of tears. I felt as if the power of the world; my world...was managed through my finger tips.

Then, life got in the way.

Have you been there too? The place I refer to as "life"? The term isn't a good indicator of what I was actually experiencing. It was more like a mini hell that had sucked me into its black hole of doom and I couldn't find a back door in which I could use as my escape.


When I chose to become a mother, I had already felt like a large breast walking down the street; gathering misfits and children of my friends to my side and loving them and treating them as if they were my own.  I wanted nothing more than to officially have my own children.  I wanted to be called "mom" and feel the love in their voices.  I wanted to snuggle against those little baby toes and kiss those drooly chubby cheeks and when I retired at night in my own bed, hear the gentle noises that escaped the little mouths of the cherubic beings sleeping in their crib.

Fast forward 10 years and things look very different now.  Don't get me wrong.  I love being a mom still.  I just didn't expect that this job would include all of the stress that comes with a teenager and a pre-pubescent child.

Now, when I hear the word "mom", it's often filled with anger, irritation or has a string attached to it.  The noises that escape from the orifices on their faces often come out in the form of screams and complaints.  I'm not idolized anymore by them; on the contrary...I am criticized for my expectations and demands of them and life with my little cherubs is far from heavenly.  In an attempt to try to find ways to make their lives a bit easier and more fun, I lost a big part of myself along the way.  I stopped listening to my own voice and tried to reason with and understand their demands and complaints.  I began to believe that I was the most unfair and punitive parent on the face of this Earth.  What did this get me? 

More gray hair.  About 15 extra pounds.  A bottle of migraine medication on my night table.  A developing ulcer.  No farther along in pleasing them than I was before.  Just like a baby bird who hangs out in their nest with their mouths two children were insatiable.  Whatever I did never seemed like enough.  It's taken me months and a bit of therapy to realize that I, like many parents in the world, have to admit that some things our parents did were actually right! 

Growing up, I remember thinking that my parents ignored and neglected me in some ways.  I didn't die.  Didn't even shrivel up.  Instead, I found ways to get what I wanted for myself.  I also grew up feeling like I couldn't voice my opinion and that my folks didn't listen to me.  What I learned from that was that I wasn't the most important person in the world and now I am also realizing through my own children that no matter how old one gets, these rodents we call children will also "always" know more than I do.  Strange, isn't it?  I have a double masters degree yet my kids still lecture me on what I don't know and how I don't understand them.

Their time will come.  The revelation most likely won't occur until they are fighting with their own children over trivial items.  I don't regret becoming a parent.  I regret allowing my children the chance to make me feel like a child.  I know the society of parenthood out there discusses this actual item on their weekly agenda.  Gotta find out where they meet....


I was married for 13 long years and have been divorced from that man for 7 years that feel comparable to those 13.  Needless to say, the divorce was messy and he hasn't given up trying to make my life a hell.  I guess he didn't read the fine print that said he no longer has the right to give his opinions or that I could give a poop about his opinion. 

Unfortunately for the children of such unions, they get sucked into the drama like a mound of dirt gets swept up by a tornado.  It's not the life I wanted for them or for me.  I have 8 more years of having to deal with the idiot I embarrassingly have to call their father.  They love him.  He buys them whatever they want and that in itself makes raising them with any resemblance of morals a difficult task.  As I said before however; when they are faced with making decisions about their own children, it is my hope that a huge light bulb will flash above their head and they will reflect upon the efforts made by their loving mother, to form them into adults with a conscience.  I just hope I'm not dead by the time it happens!

My partner of two years now is what I consider my true soul mate.  He is far from perfect and thinks nothing of belching two inches from my face before bestowing a kiss upon my lips.  We do understand each other though.  We can make each other laugh which is something that everyone should do daily.  Laughter really refreshes the soul.  We also make each other mad.  Anger is not a bad thing.  As long as you discuss the problem after a cooling down period and feel respected during the process.  I feel I have that with him.  For the first time in a series of relationships.  It's nice. 

We both entered our relationship with lots of garbage we had carried around in our invisible bags.  Every time we hit a bump in the road, we'd take out a piece of garbage and throw it at each other.  To be honest, we did this for a while.  We even separated a couple times but missed each other so much that we would choose to ignore the "elephant in the room" and reunite.  What both of us learned over the past year was that we had to throw away our garbage bags and shoot the elephant. 

From the stresses of learning how to be a good partner I gained another 15 pounds (food has always been such a good friend to me) and also stopped exercising.  I knew that it was love when we went one day to hug each other and we both were stopped by bouncing off of each other's bellies in separate directions. It was then that I knew I was substituting my feelings with entities that only produced more stress.

So, here I sit...hubbing for the first time in months.  It feels good.  I feel a bit pissy and therefore am speaking with a lot of tongue in cheek.  It does feel good though!  I think I had to get a little pissy for me to begin putting myself out in front again.  Nothing is wrong with taking care of yourself.  It doesn't mean I'm not a good parent or a good partner.  It doesn't mean that I don't care about the things in life that I have always cared about.  It means that I am beginning to care about myself again.  Something I forgot how to do.

That feels good too. 

Breathe in ....breathe out....
Breathe in ....breathe out....

In the End....

In 10 to 11 years, my children will be living on their own; having completed college and I hope on their way to a life that they want to live.

In 8 more years, I won't have to deal with an abusive ex-husband any more.

In the future, I will have my best friend and soul mate, there by my side...learning more about each other each day and yes; fighting and laughing and evolving and growing.  It's a cycle that has no end.

Today and tomorrow and the next day; I will have only myself to look at for every decision I make.  I need to make sure I can without regret look at those decisions and feel good about them.  I need to take care of myself emotionally, physically and spiritually.  That is my hardest task.  We often don't know or recognize our own self worth.   

I want to be able to look in the mirror and like what I see.  Not just physically but deep into my soul.  I'm a new sculpture that isn't finished yet.  Isn't that exciting?


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • ljrc1961 profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Cole 

      8 years ago from Michigan

      Enlydia, I cannot believe you have 8 children! Blessings to YOU!

    • Enlydia Listener profile image

      Enlydia Listener 

      8 years ago from trailer in the country

      Hi Honey...I have 8 children...and the youngest is 17, so I remember/understand what you are saying...I often had no strength left to be myself...or even find out who "myself" was...but it is all part of the journey...Blessings...

    • ljrc1961 profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Cole 

      8 years ago from Michigan

      thanks Sandy! I've missed being on here

    • Sandyspider profile image

      Sandy Mertens 

      8 years ago from Wisconsin, USA

      Great Hub.

    • ljrc1961 profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Cole 

      8 years ago from Michigan

      thanks Madison! I hope that I can continue to let the light in! Sounds like you can relate.

    • Madison22 profile image


      8 years ago from NYC

      This hub is powerful! Good for you that you are beginning to take care of yourself. You are so right how often we do not know our own self worth, when we finally realize, it's like a light shun upon us. The important thing to remember is to keep working on the sculpture when the light seems to get a little dim as it sometimes will and before we know it, it will be ever so bright! Thank you for sharing this wonderful hub:-)


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)