Tears of Laughter, Tears of Pain!!
I wonder sometimes how many tears I have cried over my lifetime. If measured would it be gallons or more? Crying can be good for you. When Lady Di was killed I stayed up all night and watched the funeral. I cried the whole time. But you know it was funny, when the crying stopped I felt cleansed, refreshed, I could breath. Why is that? I think that we have a build up in us that we really do not realize. Kind of like dust that just keeps piling up til we wipe it clean and it looks all new again. But then of course we know that it soon builds up again. I think it's the same with our tears.
We cry because we are happy, sad, in pain, depressed, scared, or sorry. We cry watching movies, reading books, heart to heart talks or even listening to music. There are many other reasons I am sure, but I guess these are the main reasons. I know I have cried for all these reasons. I have come to a point in my life where I am tired of crying. I am tired of shedding tears of pain and sorrow. I know that this is part of life, but I am so tired. Oh it makes me feel better at times, but for the most part it just wears me out. I hate that feeling that wells up inside me and fighting it, only to fall apart later.
I have asked myself, ' what good does it do?' It solves nothing, it makes my eyes red and puffy, makes my nose run, and it makes me want to just lay down and go to sleep so I don't cry anymore. And oh it is so hard to smile through the tears, when your heart is breaking. I have done this many times, hold back those tears and smile, til I get alone and the waterfall begins. I had a neighbor that cried for days. It broke my heart and I remember saying to myself I never want that to happen to me, Thank goodness it hasn't. My mom went to the E.R. because she couldn't stop crying. They gave her a sedative and she was better.
What is it that does that to some of us ? Overwhelming grief, some secret that we hold inside that eats away at us, or is it that accumulation of emotions that just gets to overflowing and we just cannot stop it from pouring out of us? It has been a long time since I cried happy tears. When my son graduated after 10 years of being Home Schooled we had our family and friends around us as I handed him his diploma. There wasn't a dry eye in the backyard that day. I guess the last happy tears I cried was when I got to carry my little grandson to the nursery when he was born 4 1/2 years ago. What a night! Absolute tears of joy for the beautiful new life I held in my arms.
I have cried over the littlest things since I was a small girl. My Dad thought something was wrong with me. There was and is nothing wrong with me. I have a soft heart and much compassion for my fellow human beings and for the innocent creatures of this world, for those who are sick and those who are abused, for those who need love and for those who don't know how to love, for senseless death and for needless suffering. I have cried over the joys and pains watching my sons grow up. Over the loss of friends and family. To many tears have rolled down my cheeks.
Yes I still cry, I don't want to, most times I don't like too. But I get overwhelmed and many times I cannot help myself. But we were made that way for a reason. Maybe to bring us to our knees, to cleanse our spirits or maybe our tears are like the relief valve on a water heater, we cry to relieve the pressures inside of us. Whatever the reasons, I am sure it is suppose to be good for us in times of pain, joy or sorrow. My tears have been many for untold reasons and I am sure there will be many more tears. But for now I just want to smile and laugh for all the good things and about the many good people in my life. What do you cry about?