Testimony of a Virgin

 A Virgin is someone who is chaste, no sexual experience, untouched and probably innocent. But in the present world, I can say that not all virgins are innocent and not all innocent looking are virgins (LOL).

Anyway, this write up was written by me, 16 years ago... some points and statements can be labelled as outdated ones, but for the fun of it, I guess it's sometime nice to look back on how you looked at things when you were younger, not that I've changed my old views hahaha....but of course my present situation now is a lot more different. Whether I will share here what I realized 16 years after? well depends on the guts that have after reencoding it....

 (As originality written)

"I've almost decided not to pursue with this write up, for the fear that its very delicate issue might add pressure to my clean cut image. But then, a voice deep within me expressed its very intense will, to go on. I chose to use "I" instead of "their", apparently to respect the privacy of those virgins, though quite hesitant, was able to express their testimonies or their points of view on Virginity and their positions as virgins psychologically speaking"

"As refreshing as flowers that bloom in the month of May", Those are words that best described women who remained unblemished inspite of voluminous temptations that our planet offers. They are the careful individuals whose chastity is equivalent to life.

I am of legitimate age and still a virgin.. I am still a virgin not because of kismet, but because of personal preferences. I don't really mind carrying the  "Still virgin tag", for it is indeed an honor. A sigh that I still have all my values intact, in spite of the world's modern generations and fractured morals.

I belong to the generation of the women of the 90's and I don't live a backward life...But I still embrace the idea of sex after marriage, and virginity as a gift for the man who will share with me the Sacrament of Matrimony. I maybe sound aboriginal but I am still now a rare specie, for many are those who share with me the same doctrine. This only means that "Ways"  during the Maria Clara Era is not yet at extinct.

A maintained virginity, is one's asset. It builds up one's dignity and reputation therefore it should be maintained until the "right time" comes. But Being a virgin does not  always make me feel completely a confident person. Being one of the certified virgins of the Philippines does not always bring me to the height of prestige.  At the back of my mind, I know I still need to expand my horizons, and accept the truth that a maintained virginity has a different light

 The pain of being a virgin encompasses fear. Fear of becoming a virgin the rest of my life, which eventually followed by a notion of living my life alone, with no idea how it feels to be loved physically, and how it feels to be a complete woman with a benevolence of adorable children in the world's population.

I sometimes have this funny feeling of stupid guilt.. That this is a modern world, and preserving one's virginity means qualification to the National Museum, and my vanity aches to the truth that I am not "in".

I know those feelings that strike me once in a while is normal... I know It's just healthy to entertain the truth  that sometimes, you find life  so monotonous, you want a taste of its sudden change.

So as a virgin, I consider myself  not assiduously virgin....at my age it's but normal that I have enough perception of sex, though physically speaking, I really have an idea how it feels.  But there are valid sources of information about sex, which means that nowadays, we can't afford to be oblivious.  Sex can be read in books,  we can't watch it in movies, we have friends who talk about it and it is inevitable mentioned in the school especially in the biology subject where in the reproductive system is discussed. It's just our conservative culture that forbids us to accept that  sex is a social truth, that should be understood by everybody.

As a virgin, it is mundane for us to be curious. I admit that I consider myself not that naïve to try the sight of X-rated films. X-rated films are considered blasphemous but I took the risk of watching it for the sake of knowledge, I did not watch it to gather wild imaginations, niether I consider it as early tips for future use. I watched it to see a wider view of comparison between sex with love and sex without love. The film had provided me a satisfying result... It is the best example of sex without love and it is not the ideal sex that I had in mind.

In thoughts, I don't consider myself a virgin, for there are times when I don't think like a virgin anymore. I am not a hypocrite to deny that sometimes, I have this urge to imagine myself doing it with the one very close to my heart. In my thoughts I have given myself to him many times.. But I consider those urges as normal eventuality of body to passion. A typical reaction of someone who loves so much. This evidently showed that as a virgin, I don't need sex just to complete the answer to my curiosity, I need sex because I am only human who needs to be loved and appreciated. Yes I dream of sex with romance for I believe, sex is always associated with love, and it should be done for the reason of love alone and not for anything else.

Yes I am still a virgin but I am not innocent... I am physically unbroken but who knows what's on my mind. I maybe too idealistic in my points of view of sex combined with love, but that's the way I want to end my virgin days. I'd rather die a virgin than lost it together with my self esteem. I'd rather be a national museum nominee than a nominee for someone with rotten values and principles.

I ask God's forgiveness for thoughts that sometimes bother me. My apologies for some malicious acts that I entertain in my mind for those things are as natural as sun that shines to give us light. If those knowledge that I consider essential adds spots to my being, My apologies for it. But definitely those things will never change my principles.

 I know some things are easier said that to be done, but we can never compete with God when it comes to planning for what is best for us. So I pray for Him to be by my side so that  in case of  highly emotional involvement, I can still possilby put my feet on the ground and at the same time with wide opened mind, that would remind of my values, when because of  too much passion I haven't noticed the temptation in disguised.

( shortened remaining paragraph is somewhat irrelevant)

 Some are still intact but some are changed but with valid reasons hahaha