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The Absence Of Feelings

Updated on September 19, 2013

Absence Of Connection Intro

Welcome Readers, today were going to explore one of the hardest questions ever asked. Why are break-ups so difficult? Without a doubt, I'm sure we all can agree that it is the absence of a connection with you're ex. I know to truly understand, you have to know exactly what that connection is. The connection you feel is really a combination of chemicals or hormones released in your brain. I will go more into details on that shortly. First I want to go over the emotional handicaps. No matter what type of relationship you had either exclusive or non-exclusive. When a relationship ends by either you or that person or both of you. Their are some emotional handicaps afterwards. I will explain more on that as well but let's jump right into the meat of the issue.


Chemical Dependency

So why is it that you're feeling either anxious, upset, empty, desperate, or really lonely? When you form an attachment to someone, you need to remember: It isn't just a relationship. You shared very intimate moments together. Now let's talk about those chemicals!! Or better known as hormones. Whenever you have sex with someone, you release a chemical called Oxytocin (better known as the bonding hormone). The more you have sex with that person the more generous amounts were released during and afterwards. It's what gives you that loving, clingy, super attached feeling, which doesn't just disappear overnight. With chemical used in great amounts on a regular basis, you're body starts to depend on getting it. The resins of this chemical can last long after the person is gone depending on how much or how long you were together. Basically when you are seeing someone long term or a regular basis, your companionship is loaded with rich, loving and connection chemicals. You feel the ride of falling in love, which seems nice. In reality it is a bunch of chemicals going though your body at once. In the beginning of any relationship your main chemical hormones are created from lust. In other words your desire to find someone from your natural production of estrogen (females) or testosterone (males). As your relationship continues you begin to feel attached after awhile. What's happening? Your producing Adrenaline (heart palpitating hormone), Dopramine (desire and reward better known as the pleasure hormone), and last but not least Serotonin (the hormone that makes your love interest keep popping up in your head). And if you think that is enough, well your wrong!! After all those chemicals in the FIRST STAGES, lets move forward to now you been seeing this person for awhile on a regular basis that is. The attachment chemicals come in harder. Lets say its been about 3-6 months. It comes in frequent doses of Oxytocin (also responsible for being the cuddle hormone) and Vasopressin (the devotion hormone). Now like I said before, every time you have sex or better yet climax, Oxytocin is released in large amounts. These are the main reasons why when the person gone, you feel like crap. It's like taking a handful of different pills everyday, one for each feeling, and suddenly you're whole supply is gone. There isn't any refills available! You start to slowly and painfully withdraw from the sensation. In other words, it wasn't just a relationship or sex. It was chemical/hormonal sensation that feels good or exciting that kept you dependent. If done normally your dependency is much deeper.

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Emotional Handicaps

Bear in mind that after the break-up these chemicals/hormones are STILL in YOUR system. Now that there is no one to keep your supply of that feeling , there are major emotional withdraw side effects or emotional handicaps ( I call them) to consider as well. You feel lonely, isolated, withdrawn from things or activities that brought you joy before. As well as anxious to get over it or stop the feeling, angry, and overall emotionally unstable. All these feelings are extremely difficult for one person alone to go through. Although if you look at this way, that even drug addicts have a hard time detoxing. You don't feel so alone. Plus it NOT PERMANENT.


When You Go Backwards

Now with all that being said, you still hear or may have experienced or be experiencing rebounding sex. Now this type of sex happens to a lot of people. In truth, it is the hallucination of feeling something close to familiar feelings. Instead of all those painful unknown feelings. You have to understand that you're in a very vulnerable state of mind and you can't deal with all the emotions you feel. You need to process. If your choosing to still have sex with your ex, imagine this. Someone who just broke your heart, you sleep with them for a night of completely fake closeness. When it's over, how do you feel? When they leave again, how do you feel? Not any better but probably a whole lot worse because you might feel like they used you. Instead of letting your mind trick you, consider this. Look at any forms of sex as pushing or falling backwards on your way to healing.

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Final Advice

Break-ups are the worst feeling for everybody. Your not yourself afterwards. You might even act out because you feel desperate to escape the unstable feelings you feel. Just take comfort in knowing its not ACTUALLY the person the person you miss. It's the chemical hormonal sensations you miss. The rush or high feelings you had. Don't do anything rash because like when you have an addiction to ANYTHING withdrawal is painful. Just know your not alone. Know that time will heal all wounds. Know you will be stronger, wiser, and more mature when you heal. Your heart will be whole again. I must say this, sometimes the main source of the pain is knowing that person doesn't seem to be affected by the pain like you are. Take comfort in knowing some people are just NOT CAPABLE of love. They just want the perks of love but will bail before actually fighting to have true love. So in other words, it's not you its probably them. They have issues they are running from too. So solve yours!!!!! And wish them well and move on. Love yourself. Be your own best friend! Explore your own body if you have too. Just don't get stuck in a no where fast relationship again. So your the victim this time, become the victor next time. And do better! Until next time readers, Ciao.


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