ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Marriage

The Almost Falling Apart Marriage

Updated on April 6, 2017
DDE profile image

Devika enjoys sharing her work with a friendly community. Writing is a big part of her life. Online work has improved her lifestyle.

There is no Perfect Marriage

A married couple looking very happy.
A married couple looking very happy. | Source
A commitment to stick by.
A commitment to stick by. | Source
A happy couple sharing a great moment.
A happy couple sharing a great moment. | Source

Marriage and Communication

Everything changed, all disappeared from her life, a new life began immediately.

She did not know how anything about love, and what to say, or how to approach the situation, and did what to her, that she felt was right.

A difficult moment and nobody would ever know how she felt, and what would have made her feel happy.

What mattered was not there anymore but her and only being.

Life went on and so did the good and the bad days.

She faced many challenges alone, the hardest part was not being able to talk to anyone about her problems.

Nothing felt the same and would be the same in her life.

What was will no longer be, and the present moment showed her more and that made her stronger each day.

Her pain and sadness had escalated but her memories will not disappear.

Only, she knew how hard her life was and still is he has not said a word often he would avoid conversations that he knew would upset her.

Communication slowly faded inside them.

The more she sacrificed for him the more he wanted and did not think of how much she gave up to be with him.

They are so different like strangers as to say than the once in love married couple.

Her choice was the hardest, and his decision made her the choice that caused many upsetting moments.

  • If only she knew then what she knows now how different her life would have been?

She did not know that was her worst of all, not knowing what to expect made all the changes in her life.

The rapidly changed life increased her knowledge unexpectedly, and helped her through all hard times.

He never touches her like he once did, the feelings are there but closed up inside, and that makes their lives so estranged.

They fall asleep like strangers, and with forceful kisses at night like something they have to do to be together. His pride got in the way of their marriage.

The past issues of his previously bad marriage has been carried over to the second marriage, and the bad habits from his past life has been carried over to his current marriage.

He does not see that his ways and habits as having such great effects on his marriage. He sees is what he wants from their marriage.

The problem here, this man does not believe in conversations and in solving the issues in a proper manner.

Avoidance is key to him, and that is failing a good marriage.

It is sad to know what once was a good marriage is falling apart so painfully.

She is always there but he can only be when he can, though that is rare.

Unfortunately, the woman has to accept her life the way it is, or she can do whatever she pleases to.

It is most difficult to make a conversation with him he does not understand her conversations, and pays no attention to what she actually speaks of.

He tries to not hear what she has to say and stares at the television to block out her conversations.

The more that happens the more she feels pushed away from the actual relationship and her husband.

  • Why does he behave that way?

  • Does he not see what she has sacrificed for him?

He never buys her any gifts, be it something small, or to show some appreciation. It is all taken for granted.

She will be there waiting on him and that is just how he sees it.

Every birthday and wedding anniversary is just like any other ordinary day, he never shows interest in those special days.

This man has no time for her and that makes her feel like any other woman living around her.

He does not make her feel special anymore. Everything has totally stopped in her life because he won't let it be.

Everything to her has been and she will always see it that way as a has been.

She has stopped crying about what she knows will never be.

Happiness took a while to come back in her life and after all that hoping and wishing for some miracle to make him come back in her life like he had from before, that no longer exists.

All feels like it has never happened like a thing of the past.

Her good life has been taken away because he did not give much thought to his hasty decisions.

Since he only thought of himself, and not of her needs that is why at times it had been so hard for her to cope with life.

Life for her has always been great until she realized what she lost will not be and what she misses in her life that her husband can no longer give to her.

Too much of time alone showed her there is no other life for her but loneliness, and after growing into that life of loneliness she saw more of herself.

She learned more about what she wanted from life.

His bad past experiences from his previous marriage has caused the friction.

All he sees is what he knows and what he thinks is right and of how he thinks everything should be.

He made those mistakes in his past marriage, and had to put up with a bossy wife who wanted the rich lifestyle.

He could not give her that so gradually they went their separate ways.

Money was their major problem. He does not see that he has brought that past problem into his current marriage.

She has to take all that in and not say a word.

Her focus is on her life and does not get into any complications with simple conversations that could cause many arguments.

A life that she once loved with her husband has become so bitter and different makes her wonder what more does she have for to live with him.

He does not have the time for his wife and won't take her anywhere that ought to make one think more about the almost failing marriage.

It is often of the cost of going out, but he feels free to go out when with other people.

He shows her no free time and that is getting less and less each day.

They have drifted apart and are going further and further away from each other.

He won't make any adjustments to their marriage and she has had enough of trying to make something of what no longer exists.

Nothing in her life will ever be the same again. She lost the man she once knew and he feels she has changed in some ways, but he does not get the point in his marriage. He wants more from her that is his point.

To him their marriage is normal and has no issues. The more silence the better they are together.

When communication fails in a marriage slowly everything else fades away.

As much as she had tried to get through to him he won't see things her way. It is like his way or no way.

He feels that if she is not satisfied then she should leave.

He has hurt her far too much, but she still remains with him through all times.

He manages to please everybody else, but he won't go out of his way for her and has no intentions of doing so.

His negative mind shows that he does not care much for her and has been like that for a while.

Her opinions don't matter what others suggest to him he will do, and what she suggests to him is often over looked, and he does not care to give it a second thought.

What they started was great and after twenty years, it feels empty to her, like it never happened.

She has been positive all the way for herself. Nothing in her life will ever be the same again.

  • Can their love hold their marriage together even though so much has changed between them?

Communication and Relationships

Why does he behave that way?

See results

Fix your Marriage

Marriages

I write what I know best of and always learning more.
I write what I know best of and always learning more. | Source

© 2014 Devika Primić

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Ravi I am pleased to hear from you in this way too. your kind words only encourages me more to write and share my thoughts here. Have a lovely day.

    • profile image

      Ravi 2 years ago

      Carrie Schmitt kat, i love this photo and your reflective post. you are a very ttaenled photographer and writer. thank you for sharing your gifts. i love the idea of "consciously choosing to be surprised by joy." I will be thinking about your post for quite awhile it is one that will stay with me. i look forward to visiting your blog often and am going to add it to my blogroll on my blog. i'm so glad we were able to connect thru the flying class:)

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi jtrader you are so right! She has to guide him along and do so persistently. So greatly mentioned thank you kindly for such a valuable comment. It all makes a lot a sense.

    • jtrader profile image

      jtrader 3 years ago

      In those situations it helps for each spouse to take their time. I think that the wife in that situation should try her best to make sure people outside of the relationship are there to lend emotional support and share in activities she likes doing

      It's a little easier to tackle the issues when there are lots of other areas of a person's life which are flourishing. Giving up is the worst thing to do in that scenario because it absolves the other person of any responsibility.

      For example with birthdays and other special days, she can keep mentioning it and letting her husband know about something that she would like to do, that he can perhaps help with. But never place the entire responsibility for planning or doing it on him or it may not happen, which will lead to hurt feelings.

      For example, if she wants a new flower bed she could show him a selection of flowers, mention that she wants to put up a flower bed for her birthday and find some way to involve him in that act of celebration, whether it's just choosing among pictures of flowers, giving her the money for plants or taking the time to dig up the soil for her. Sometimes people don't have a clue how to be selfless and they need to be guided- gently, persistently.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi MartieCoetser thank you for sharing such a meaningful comment on this topic your true words here make a lot of sense,so glad you could stop by.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hello D.A.L. thank you gladly for all votes you are always commenting on my hubs and I so appreciate your time in return.

    • D.A.L. profile image

      Dave 3 years ago from Lancashire north west England

      No amount of good intentioned talking or advise will be of any benefit this situation if one or the other party does not want to listen. The old adage 'there are none so blind as the one who doesn't want to see.! As usual your article has delivered a vast array of opinions .Well done -again! for producing this interesting piece. Voted up,useful and interesting.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 3 years ago from South Africa

      The death of love/marriage is like the amputation of an essential limb. It is gone, but we can still feel it for a very long time. We have to learn how to move forward without it. Fortunately we can replace it with many artificialities, and maybe, one day, we find the the best replacement - another love/marriage which may be even more perfect than the original one.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      FlourishAnway thank you for sharing your brief comment I appreciate you coming by.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hackslap good luck on that note and thank you for stopping by.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      AudreyHowitt thank you I so agree with you

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Shyron thank you very much for the vote up, interesting and shared I appreciate your kindness. Great answer as the same for the rest of my followers.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

      Not every relationship is. worth saving.

    • Hackslap profile image

      Harry 3 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Interesting read ..especially from a woman's psych ... I have never married but am at that age where it will come knocking my door sooner or later .. .. good tips re the signs to look out for ..

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      I really believe in counseling and it can help change perspective over time--just my 2 cents

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 3 years ago from Texas

      Unfortunately, Devika, many women find themselve in this kind of situation.

      Voted up, interesting and shared.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi AliciaC counselling is the answer but the man seems a bit less interested some how a very difficult situation thank you

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Jodah, so true communication is very important and in certain situations it can't fixable. Thank you for sharing your valuable comment.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi MsDora you are so right and a woman's choice should be carefully thought of.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi grand old lady thank you kindly for sharing such a thoughtful comment.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Ericdierker thank yo very much.

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 3 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This is an interesting way to describe the difficulties present in a marriage, Devika. The situation that you refer to is very sad. Communication is very important in any relationship. I agree with Jodah - counselling may be helpful for the couple in your article.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      This sounds typical of a lot of marriages DDE. It's a strange thing, you would think after 20 years together communication would be come easier, but it is often the opposite. Couples can drift apart, where at first they made an effort to show interests in each other's activities and to find things in common, they sometimes seem to stop trying and think it too much effort. A marriage is something you have to constantly work at. I know from experience, mine isn't perfect, and my wife often has to take me aside and we have to discuss something that has become routine or taken for granted, and I or we have to take action to rectify it. The people in your article need to start communicating or it will become in fixable...maybe counselling is needed, if she can't make him sit down and talk and listen to what is troubling her.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Sadly, many women find themselves in similar situations where they hurt and their men wonder why. Those women have to decide what's best for them.

    • grand old lady profile image

      Mona Sabalones Gonzalez 3 years ago from Philippines

      Interesting and very sad. The way you describe this marriage, it really seems to be hopeless and impossible to save. But if they married out of love, they might be willing to go through marriage counseling and try to make it work. The money issue can also erode a marriage. But you can get past that, many other marriages have survived times of not having money. Not having love and not being committed are another thing.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Very interesting to see another viewpoint.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Thank you billybuc.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Your writing approach to these important issues is unique and always stimulating. Well done!