- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
The Best Defense Against the Clean Up Woman
1. I don’t know if you have single girl friends, but if so, you may need to take heed. Just because your girlfriend is single, it doesn’t mean she is miserable, however, some friends may feel entitled to your man, just like they feel entitled to your nail polish, high heels or wardrobe. Sharing is caring is their motto. You may disagree with this ideology, however, it can be as subliminal, as your girlfriend having a conversation with your man when she was trying to reach you, or even asking your man personally for favors, a man typically does, such as Mr. Fix It, Mr. Mechanic, Mr. Male-Advice line and the like. It starts small, seemingly heartless and then she may move in for the kill. You never know. The best defense is to set boundaries with your man and girlfriends as far as what is acceptable behavior on each person’s behalf. It also helps to know what your girlfriend is capable of. Is she jealous or envious of you in anyway? Does she feel she is better than you in anyway? Examine her actions past and present. Would you trust her with your life?
2. Shhh… For those of you who ramble on and on about your man, how perfect and genuine and so on and so on he is, -be quiet. It’s like kissing and telling. Some women go into great detail about their man, from his size, sexual escapades, romantic gestures and the like. It’s never good to boast or brag. You might strike up curiosity or envy amongst those you brag to, and there’s one thing you can rest assured of when it comes to curiosity… it’s only satisfied upon resolving the mystery or completing the deed. Keep private business private.
3. Take care of your business. Perhaps looking at your relationship with your man as a job or career is best. You can always be replaced on the job if you show up late, don’t complete your work, don’t get along with others, etc. etc. The same with a relationship. If your relationship is bereft or devoid of love, happiness, communication, affection, and all those qualities that make a relationship a relationship, -what do you have? Stop the nagging, griping, arguing, neglect, and all other negative elements you introduce to your relationship. Focus on the positive. Find new ways of recharging your relationship if it is getting monotonous , and losing the spark.
4. Resist being jealous and overbearing. Stop questioning your man, and exuding your insecurities. This may require counseling on your part, to get to the source of your insecurity and distrust. If your man hasn’t given you any reason to be so worrisome, why are you? The number one complaint I hear from most men when it comes to relationships, is that women hold onto the past and have the same negative outlook and expectations of their new man, based on the last or ex-man. Every man is different. Don’t punish your present man, for the misdealings of your past man. It’s not fair and he doesn’t deserve it. Don’t doubt him until you have justification to, based on his actions. You cannot generalize all men. They aren’t all the same.
5. And finally, in closing, the best way to keep the “Clean-Up Woman” away, is to keep your relationship squeaky clean. She need not come, if there is nothing to clean up. Sure, we all know relationships aren’t perfect all the time, there will be spills, dust and dirt build up along the way, so to speak, but always clean as you go. Resolve your disagreements and at the end of the day, no matter what, tell him you love him, even if it hurts to say. You and your man won’t agree all the time, but you can at least agree that you do love each other, because if you can’t, then why are you together in the first place?
Until next time, just kick back, take heed and enjoy: