- Gender and Relationships
The Body Barter System
You Owe Me
I am thankfully off the market, but before settling down I was exposed to some strange expectations from more than a few potential mates. I even had one gentleman ask me quite directly for some kind of a timetable that would give him hope for a sexual encounter in the near future, because all those fancy Taco Bell meals were adding up. All two of them. Sheesh.
No one wants to waste their time if the relationship is going nowhere, but what is a reasonable demand as opposed to a power move?
Don't Get Too Worked Up
Now that I'm a mother, the idea of dating in the modern age is more horrifying. My mom friends and I always discuss our concerns every time we see another news article about a mother's child being raped, molested, tortured or even murdered by a boyfriend she trusted to watch the child while she was at work or, even worse, out with friends. The idea that a woman with a child or children is fortunate anyone is giving her the time of day is still a reality, even in 2017. Some women settle for less, and others tolerate personality defects and even joblessness to have some semblance of a relationship. The already-high stakes of dating become insurmountable when factoring in the life of an impressionable, innocent child.
What To Do?
You cannot be paralyzed by fear. However, these are very real concerns. There are strategies one can apply when dating in the microwave generation. The process may take time, but depending on what you're seeking, you can narrow down the undesirables by getting clear on what your agenda is, and sticking with it.
Closed Mouths Don't Get Fed
What has been looked upon as a negative shift in the dating world actually has advantages. Where at one time it was unladylike to seek anything other than a wedding ring, a new school of thought has taken over the land! In this day and age, you are no longer deemed unworthy or lacking in self respect if you are not in the market for a husband. Exercise your freedom of choice, and speak up for yourself! If you are childless, unmarried, and not looking to be, let it be known! If you want a monogamous sex partner but do not want to date or even be seen often, express your desires! If you make it know and the other party does not want to participate, do not look upon the experience as a rejection. Whomever says "no thanks" is simply clearing the way for the person who will say "yes". Relationships have always been varied, but it was not considered proper to make mention of the range of relationships. There are people of all ages getting their needs for companionship met in a myriad of ways, be it a middle-aged couple of friends who have been hooking up during droughts since college, or elderly acquaintances who visit each other from time to time for some afternoon delight, as well as the more traditional boyfriend/girlfriend roles. Do not let a desire go unfulfilled simply because it is unpopular. Be safe, be honest, and enjoy yourself! You only have one life. Live to the fullest in the way that speaks to you.
What's Your Flavor?
What are you looking for in a partner?
Do Not Allow Insecurities to Hider You
For every so-called shortcoming you have, there is a person who literally would not bat an eye at it. These kinds of issues arise heavily for women who have survived emotionally traumatizing relationships. There is a constant battle on the ping pong table of their minds where words and experiences replay and are rejected over and over again. There is no way you can have a long term relationship not influence your perspective at all. You can change your perspective on the experience and make it more about who the other person was and less about who you are. Someone who impregnated you may have decided you were worthless six months into the pregnancy. It is hurtful, but it is also a reflection of who he was toward you, and not who you are. Someone who once loved you for being ambitious may have left you because he felt you chose your career over him. Once again, it hurts to give your energy to someone who doesn't see the vision you have for your life and thus does not support you in return. That's still his cross, not yours. Someone consistent, honest and on par with your desires exists, and you don't want to miss your tomorrow crying about yesterday. Someone wants what you have to give, not in spite of, but because of, who you are.