ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Challenges of Workplace Affairs

Updated on February 16, 2020
Office and workplace affairs are difficult challenges to deal with.
Office and workplace affairs are difficult challenges to deal with.

Workplace Affairs present challenges.

Workplace affairs present unique challenges for everyone involved. Each party has different challenges. The cheaters have one set of challenges, their peers another and their supervisors have still other challenges.

Although it's easy proclaiming that “It’s none of your business” or that it's a matter between “consenting adults” and then ignore what is going on, you will find that such an approach does not work in every job situation.

Peers often try ignoring what's going on since it puts them in an awkward position. Their loyalties are strained. They aren't sure if they should say something or not.

Affairs change everyone they touch. Just the discovery of an affair changes how you view those involved. It changes how you view your boss, and how you view your co-worker, their morals, goals, skills and career path.

When you discover a peer having an affair you wonder how they achieved their position and whether you should say something or not

It changes how you view their interactions. What seems to be normal conversation becomes filled with double meanings. Jokes often have more read into them than before.

The affair changes how you view the whole workplace and any request from your boss and peers.

If you are the same gender as your co-worker, you may find yourself wondering if you'll be next or if you are being considered as a target for workplace gossip.

The whole existence of an affair in the workplace changes the dynamics between a boss and coworker into one shared by lovers with all the challenges that presents.

The awareness of an affair creates tension in the workplace. There are tensions associated with keeping secrets. There are also the tensions associated with alliances and loyalties.

You start to question what is required for raises and promotions.

With an affair, there are questions about whether your loyalty should be with the boss, the boss’s lover or both. In the workplace, alliances can become the basis of whether or not you keep your job. In such cases, the affair is not a victimless action between consenting adults.

When your job could be at risk, it's no longer a victimless situation. You may become the victim due to being too loyal or in some cases for not supporting them with your loyalty.

There are prices associated with keeping secrets and also for exposing the secrets. Either way, you are a no-win situation.

An affair in the workplace also means that at some level, relationships are not functional. The dysfunction often creates instability. Relationships have their ups and downs.

When there is an intense relationship in the workplace, the risk of those ups and downs spilling over to the workplace is high. The risk of spillover may have you wondering what your priority needs to be.

Although completing the job is the official priority, the relationship issues may present an emotional crisis that takes you away from the official priority.

Relationships between bosses and co-workers often have some unhealthy dynamics associated with them, whether in the form of transferences or counter-transferences. The relationships also show a clear disregard for boundaries. Between the transferences and boundary issues, the relationship is not in the best interest of the company, the boss or the employee.

Affairs in the workplace are also a clear indication that the unofficial rules are more important than the official policy rules. Although the written policies and procedures are frequently referred to, you know that the actual functioning of the workplace is based more on unofficial rules than the policies.

In such settings, all the ‘official policies’ are subject to negotiation. When rules are disregarded, even those regarding relationships between bosses and co-workers, it raises questions about whether any rules ‘official’.

Some workplaces do not tolerate affairs between bosses and co-workers. In the military, there are specific rules regarding affairs. If you are in a workplace that operates under military rules, the discovery of the affair may put you in a position where you have to report someone for violating the law.

If the workplace is one that involves professions that do not tolerate affairs, you may be obligated to report what you discovered. Many health care professions are required to operate under a code of ethics. If your boss is in one of those professions, you may need to familiarize yourself with the code of ethics and what you may be required to do in such circumstances.

The question of what you do when you discover a workplace affair between the boss and a co-worker becomes more complicated when you know the spouse of the co-worker or the boss. When you know the spouses or interact with them at workplace social events, there may be awkward moments that you will have to deal with. The parties having the affair are often so selfish, they do not consider the tension and awkward situations they put others in by their actions.

The lovers will want you to keep their secrets. The secrets often operate like emotional and relational superglue that keeps you tied up in knots. Secrets like workplace affairs are often exploited and used to keep other secrets.

If your workplace is one that handles large amounts of confidential information, the tension of keeping the secret will often be dismissed as no big deal. In such workplaces, the keeping of secrets is considered routine. Keeping another one, such as the affair is often seen as ‘no big deal’.

You will also have to consider the context of the workplace. If you work in a culture that approves of affairs, your discomfort will often be viewed as ‘your problem’ and the lovers will not see anything wrong with what they are doing.

Some workplaces may also reward bosses for picking up trophy ‘work spouses’. With increasing frequency, the practice of having a workplace husband or workplace wife is becoming more common. If the culture of your workplace is one where work spouses is condoned, you may be viewed as the problem. Knowing the culture of the workplace both inside and outside of the building will be key in surviving the workplace affair.

Poll on Workplace Affairs

What will you do if you found out that your boss is having an affair with your co worker?

See results

Workplace affairs put pressure on all those involved.

Power differences and Gossip dangers

One of the problems with workplace affairs is that they exploit the power difference between people when the parties involved are not peers.When there is power difference one party has power over the other.

What happens is that the power dynamic becomes sexualized. This confuses the power structure further. The person with less power admires the one with the power. The one in power assumes that admiration is attraction.

Confusing admiration and affection make both parties vulnerable to being exploited.

The one with the power may threaten the subordinate regarding their job and connect that to their workplace affair.

Then there is always the danger of workplace gossip. The gossip influence social relationships and pressures. Reputations have been ruined based on gossip. Negative gossip also leads to performance issues as well, by putting the victim in a bad light.

© 2012 Jeff Murrah


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)