ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Changes of Intimacy

Updated on October 1, 2011

What is Intimacy?

When the word "intimacy" is meantioned, what comes to mind? Love, desire, relationships, adoration, time, history. However, one of these words has nothing to do with intimacy. The word is desire. Believe it or not, desire actually decreases when intimacy enters a relationship. Intimacy is feeling comfortable and being open with your partner. This normally occurs in long term relationships and marriages. This is why couples who spend a long time together, years typically, loose desire for their spouse. They just enjoy being around their partner instead.

Intimacy 300-years-ago

Relationships through history have changed, and so has intimacy. It used to mean knowing your partner and spending time with them. You two could cope well with each other and got along well. There was a spoken or unspoken agreement in the relationship. They knew who was in control of what. The man controlled the finances while the woman ruled the house. They had their different roles and understood what was necessary.

They also had no idea as to what intimacy was. Attempt asking a happy elderly couple that have been together for over 30 years is. They will not understand yet they commit many actions that go into intimacy. They pleasure their partner without the aid of sexual stimulation. They give each other flowers, write notes, and do the little things their partners will appreciate.

Intimacy Now

Ask a youth or even someone in their earlier thirties, what is intimacy? They will give you words like soft touches, caring movements, loving kisses, adoration, sex, sexual actions, etc. Note that all of these include physical and emotional, combined. They focus on the physical aspect, not the actual meaning of the word. Society now mixes intimacy with desire.

Spending Time Together

How couples spend their time together changes how the relationship will turn out in the end. If they touch each other constantly and cuddle every night, they will most likely loose their desire interest and gain more intimacy. This can hurt relationships as a lot of people like sex and hate to see it disappear, especially when in a closed relationship. They become sexually frustrated and wonder why they desire other people. It is become they are so close to their partner. Honestly the situation is a little ironic. They worked so hard to become close to their lover and adore their husband or wife, yet when too close they no longer desire them.

The goal is to spice up the relationship. If the couple gathers to dinner every night at the same time, change it up. One of the partners should join a group or visit a few friends every once in a while. They will be out of the house. Once they are gone, the other partner will miss them. They will see an empty place, a lonely chair. Then they will wonder, what is my love doing? When the partner comes home, they will be greated with more desire than when they left. They shouldn't even tell their partner where they were going in the first place. This adds mystery and wonder, which adds to the desire.

However, before leaving for the night it is wise to tell your partner you are not going to a strip club and/or will not cheat on them. Otherwise there could be some negative emotions and harm the relationship.

Conversation

The way people communicate in relationships has also changed. We are now focused on verbal or written communication. "What are you trying to say?" "Just give it to me strait." Almost everyone in America has a computer or cell phone. We are constantly calling and texting others. When away from our electronic devices we wonder, "did I receive a text", "how will they respond", "they need to respond quicker".

We have not always focused so much on words for communication. Once a touch could show how much someone liked you. If they enjoyed your company or if they desired to be closer to you. A touch of the shoulder, offering their hand. A dance was considered valuable. You could touch your partner almost every second, and you could have slight conversation with only the dance partner. Also instead of receiving many texts in one day or a phone call, they would have to wait weeks for a letter or walk for hours to visit a friend. Also conversations were not as upfront as they are now. Only certain topics were accepted and most were focused on society, rumors, and fashion. If you desired information, it often took quite some time to receive about someone. Because of this, relationships also took a while to bloom and grow.

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)